Read The Merry Wives of Windsor Online
Authors: William Shakespeare
[
Enter Shallow
]
Cavaliero
174
Justice, I say!
SHALLOW
I follow, mine host, I follow.
Good even and twenty
175
,
good Master Page. Master Page, will you go with us? We have
sport in hand.
HOST
Tell him, Cavaliero Justice: tell him, bully-rook.
SHALLOW
Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh the
Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor.
FORD
Good mine host o’th’Garter, a word
They speak apart
with you.
HOST
What sayst thou, my bully-rook?
SHALLOW
Will you go with us to behold it? My merry
To Page
host hath had the measuring of their weapons, and, I think,
hath appointed them
contrary
186
places, for, believe me, I hear
the parson is
no jester
187
. Hark, I will tell you what our sport
shall be.
They speak apart
HOST
Hast thou no suit against my knight,
my guest-
189
FORD
None, I
protest
. But I’ll give you a
pottle
of
burned
191
sack to give me
recourse
192
to him, and tell him my name is
Broom, only for a jest.
HOST
My hand, bully. Thou shalt have
egress and regress
194
— said I well? — and thy name shall be Broom. It is a merry
knight.— Will you go,
An-heires
196
?
To Shallow and Page
SHALLOW
Have with you, mine host.
PAGE
I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in his
rapier.
SHALLOW
Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these times
you
stand on distance
: your
passes, stoccadoes
201
, and I know
not what. ’Tis the
heart
202
, Master Page, ’tis here, ’tis here. I
have seen the time, with my
long sword
203
, I would have made
you four
tall
204
fellows skip like rats.
HOST
Here, boys, here, here! Shall we
wag
205
?
PAGE
Have with you. I had rather hear them
scold
206
than
fight.
[
Exeunt Host, Shallow and Page
]
FORD
Though Page be a
secure
fool, and
stands so firmly
208
on his wife’s frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily.
She was in
his
210
company at Page’s house, and what they
made
211
there I know not. Well, I will look further into’t, and I
have a disguise to
sound
212
Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose
not my labour: if she be otherwise, ’tis labour well bestowed.
Exit
running scene 6
Enter Falstaff [and] Pistol
FALSTAFF
I will not lend thee a penny.
PISTOL
Why, then the world’s mine oyster, which I with
sword will open.
FALSTAFF
Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should
lay my
countenance to pawn
. I have
grated upon
5
my good
friends for three reprieves for you and your
coach-fellow
6
Nim, or else you had looked through the
grate
, like a
gemini
7
of baboons. I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen
my friends you were good soldiers and tall fellows. And when
Mistress Bridget lost the
handle of her fan
, I
took’t upon
10
mine honour thou hadst it not.
PISTOL
Didst not thou
share
12
? Hadst thou not fifteen pence?
FALSTAFF
Reason
13
, you rogue, reason. Think’st thou I’ll
endanger my soul
gratis
? At a word,
hang no more about
14
me, I am no gibbet for you. Go —
a short knife and a throng
15
— to your manor of
Picked-hatch
16
, go! You’ll not bear a letter
for me, you rogue. You stand upon your honour. Why, thou
unconfinable
18
baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the
terms of my honour
precise
19
. Ay, ay, I myself sometimes,
leaving the fear of heaven
on the left hand
20
, and hiding mine
honour in my necessity, am
fain to shuffle, to hedge and to
21
lurch: and yet, you rogue, will
ensconce
your rags, your
cat-
22
a-mountain looks, your
red-lattice
phrases, and your
bold-
23
beating oaths, under the shelter of your honour? You will
not do it? You?
PISTOL
I do
relent
26
. What would thou more of man?
[
Enter Robin
]
ROBIN
Sir, here’s a woman would speak with you.
FALSTAFF
Let her approach.
[
Enter Mistress Quickly
]
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Give
29
your worship good morrow.
FALSTAFF
Good morrow, good wife.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Not so
31
, an’t please your worship.
FALSTAFF
Good maid, then.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
That I am, I’ll be sworn,
As my mother was the first hour I was born
34
.
FALSTAFF
I do believe the swearer. What with me?
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?
FALSTAFF
Two thousand, fair woman, and I’ll
vouchsafe
37
thee
the hearing.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
There is one Mistress Ford, sir — I pray come
a little nearer this
ways
40
— I myself dwell with master Doctor
Caius—
FALSTAFF
Well,
on
42
. Mistress Ford, you say—
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Your worship says very true. I pray your
worship come a little nearer this ways.
FALSTAFF
I warrant thee nobody hears. Mine
Gestures toward Pistol and Robin
own people, mine own people.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Are they so? Heaven bless them, and make
them his servants.
FALSTAFF
Well, Mistress Ford: what of her?
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Why, sir, she’s a good creature. Lord, lord,
your worship’s a
wanton
51
! Well, heaven forgive you, and all of
us, I pray—
FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford, come, Mistress Ford.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Marry, this is the short and the long of it: you
have brought her into such a
canaries
as ’tis
wonderful
55
. The
best courtier of them all — when the court lay at Windsor —
could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet there has
been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches,
I warrant you —coach after coach, letter after letter, gift
after gift, smelling so sweetly, all musk, and so
rushling
60
, I
warrant you, in silk and gold, and in such
alligant
61
terms, and
in such wine and sugar of the best and the fairest that would
have won any woman’s heart: and, I warrant you, they
could never get an
eye-wink of
64
her. I had myself twenty
angels
65
given me this morning, but I defy all angels — in any
such
sort
66
, as they say — but in the way of honesty: and, I
warrant you, they could never get her so much as sip on a
cup with the proudest of them all. And yet there has been
earls, nay, which is more,
pensioners
69
, but, I warrant you, all
is one with her.
FALSTAFF
But what says she to me? Be brief, my good
she-
71
Mercury.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Marry, she hath received your letter, for the
which she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you to
notify
75
that her husband will be absence from his house
between ten and eleven.
FALSTAFF
Ten and eleven.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Ay, forsooth, and then you may come and see
the picture, she says, that you
wot
79
of. Master Ford, her
husband, will be from home. Alas, the sweet woman leads an
ill life with him: he’s a very jealousy man. She leads a very
frampold
82
life with him, good heart.
FALSTAFF
Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her. I will
not fail her.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Why, you say well. But I have another
messenger
86
to your worship. Mistress Page hath her hearty
commendations to you too: and let me tell you in your ear,
she’s as
fartuous
a
civil modest
88
wife, and one, I tell you, that
will not
miss you
89
morning nor evening prayer, as any is in
Windsor, whoe’er be the other: and she bade me tell your
worship that her husband is seldom from home, but she
hopes there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote
upon a man. Surely I think you have
charms
93
, la. Yes, in truth.
FALSTAFF
Not I, I assure thee. Setting the attraction of my
good
parts
95
aside, I have no other charms.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Blessing on your heart for’t!
FALSTAFF
But I pray thee tell me this: has Ford’s wife and
Page’s wife acquainted each other how they love me?
MISTRESS QUICKLY
That were a jest indeed! They have not so little
grace
100
, I hope — that were a trick indeed! But Mistress Page
would desire you to send her your little page,
of all loves
101
. Her
husband has a marvellous
infection to
102
the little page, and
truly Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in Windsor
leads a better life than she does: do what she will, say what
she will, take all, pay all, go to bed when she
list
105
, rise when
she list, all is as she will, and truly she deserves it, for if there
be a
kind
107
woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send her
your page, no remedy.
FALSTAFF
Why, I will.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Nay, but do so, then, and, look you, he may
come and go between you both: and in any case have a
nay-
111
word, that you may know one another’s mind, and the boy
never need to understand anything, for ’tis not good that
children should know any wickedness. Old folks, you know,
have discretion, as they say, and know the world.
FALSTAFF
Fare thee well, commend me to them both. There’s
my purse: I am yet thy debtor.— Boy, go along with this
woman.
[
Exeunt Mistress Quickly and Robin
]
This news
distracts
119
me.
PISTOL
This
punk
is one of Cupid’s
carriers
120
.