Zane
I
took a deep breath before going back down the stairs. I wasn’t sure what was
wrong with Lucky, but I figured she was having mood swings like most women
seemed to have. I took two more deep breaths as I walked down and I tried to
calm my nerves as I was still fuming mad at Leonardo. Who did he think he was
to flirt with Lucky so blatantly in front of me? I was starting to think that
it wasn’t such a good idea to bring him into her life, no matter how close he
was to me, or how worried I was. I couldn’t stand to think of her with him,
without me. What if she fell for him? How would I feel if they got together? I
didn’t even want to think about it. A part me thought that maybe she’d be
happier with someone like Leo. He was the epitome of a happy-go-lucky guy. He
had money. He was decent. He would treat her well. And maybe he would even love
her. Not as much as I loved her, of course, but who said my love was special?
Who said my love was what she needed?
Shut up already, Zane
, a voice in my head was
screaming at me.
Stop being such a
defeatist and a pussy. If you love her, make it work
. I was scared even
thinking the love word. I didn’t even really know if I knew what true love was.
I didn’t know if I would ever feel the way Lucky felt. I don’t know if I could
love and lose and be okay with it. I didn’t want to be okay with it. I didn’t
want to put that out into the universe. I didn’t want anyone or anything to
think that Zane Beaumont was okay if you screwed with him—‘cause I’m not.
I’m not okay with being fucked over. I’m not okay with it. I had already lost
my mother and my brother. I wasn’t going to allow myself to get to a point
where I’d lose Lucky … I wasn’t even going to continue with that thought.
Leonardo
was staring at me as I walked across the room. He had a concerned look on his
face and I knew he wanted to ask me a personal question. A personal question I
wasn’t interested in answering.
“Everything
okay?” he finally spoke and I nodded.
“It’s
fine.” I walked to the kitchen. “You want some wine?”
“I’d
prefer a beer.”
“I
know, man.” I attempted to be cool and laughed. “But Lucky wants to serve wine,
let’s go with that for now, yeah?”
“Sure.”
He walked up to join me in the kitchen. “She’s nice.”
“Yeah,
she is.”
“She’s
living with you?” he continued.
“You
could say that.” I nodded.
“That
was a bit fast, eh? I never heard you talk about her before your call.” His
voice was unsure and he looked at me as if he was scared I was going to deck
him.
“Why
would I tell you about her?”
“I
guess no reason.” He sighed. “How’s the case going?”
“We’re
close to getting him.” This time my voice was animated as I poured the wine.
“We’re so close to getting that son-of-a-bitch.”
“Do
you think Noah would have wanted this?” His voice was light and questioning.
“Braydon
killed my brother. He’s going to jail.” I was angry at Leo’s question. “He’s a
drug dealer and he will kill others.”
“He
didn’t make Noah jump.”
“He
gave him, I mean, sold him the drugs. Illegal drugs. He has to pay for that.”
“Dude,
we’ve all done some drugs.”
“I
don’t want to talk about this.” I looked him in the eyes evenly. “I know you’re
a good guy, Leo—you’re one of the best. And I trust you. I love you like
a brother. You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think you were one of the best men
I knew, but don’t ever talk to me about my brother’s death or Braydon again. I
will not stop until Braydon is behind bars.”
“I
don’t want it to make you crazy, Zane.” Leo touched my arm. “But I support you,
man, whatever you want.”
“Yeah,
thanks.” I handed him his glass and took a big gulp of the Cabernet Sauvignon
that Lucky had selected. I swallowed it quickly, trying not to grimace. It was
a cheap bottle and had a cheap taste. “Pretend you enjoy the wine.” I looked at
Leo and grinned. “I don’t want Lucky to feel bad. And she already seems like
she’s in a bit of a mood. I just can’t keep up with these women.”
“I
don’t have to pretend to a beautiful lady like that. And let me know if you
need some help, I can always keep up.” Leo winked and I wanted to punch him.
“Funny,”
I said instead and turned away. “Let me go and check on Lucky again and make
sure she’s okay.”
I
walked out of the kitchen quickly and back up the stairs. I frowned as I walked
to Lucky’s bedroom door. It was always a bad sign when Lucky went into her own
room as opposed to mine. I wasn’t even sure what was wrong.
“Lucky!”
I banged on the door. “What’s going on? Can you let me in?”
“I’m
coming.” Her voice sounded a little too cheerful and she opened the door.
“What’s
going on?” I tried to look into her normally warm and happy brown eyes, but she
avoided my gaze.
“Nothing.”
She paused and I saw her lick her lips quickly, while furtively checking her
phone.
“It
doesn’t look like nothing to me.”
“I
was on a call and they said some things about you and I don’t want to bring it
up right now because we have a guest and I’m not even really sure what they
were saying exactly.” She looked up at me and her brown eyes were wide and
slightly worried.
“Who
were you on the phone with?” Suspicions grew in my mind. “You weren’t talking
with Braydon, were you?” I didn’t hold back the anger in my voice. I knew we
hadn’t heard the last of that asshole. “What did he say that’s got you so
upset?”
“I
wasn’t on the phone with Braydon!” she snapped back at me. “And let’s talk
about this later, okay?”
“Why
are you mad at me, Lucky?” I grabbed a hold of her hand and pulled her towards
me at the top of the stairs. “What did I do to you to get you upset? I don’t
even know.”
“Nothing.”
She sighed and finally looked up at me with woeful eyes. “I just don’t know,
okay? I’m just confused. Everything that is happening is confusing me. I’m
worried and scared and I’m mad at myself and I just don’t know what this is,
what we are. Who you are.”
“Why
are you mad at yourself?” I held my breath. “Do you regret being with me? Do
you regret coming here? And what do you mean you don’t know who I am?”
“No.”
She bit her lip and I tried to ignore the yearning to reach forward and bite it
for her. This was not the time to be having thoughts of sex. “Kind of. I don’t
know. You have to admit everything has been moving quickly, Zane. We don’t
really know each other that well. Sometimes I just worry that what we are
feeling is …”
“Oh,”
I interrupted, then hesitated, trying to cull the feelings of panic swelling in
me. “You don’t love me?”
“Oh,
Zane.” Her eyes grew huge. “That’s not the issue. One thing I know is that I
love you.”
“Okay.”
My heart didn’t stop thumping. “But that’s not enough for you, is it?” I
ignored the voices in my head that were screaming at me. They had warned me
that it was a bad idea to get involved with her. It had always been a bad idea,
and now I was going to pay the ultimate price. If she decided to leave me, I
would never be all right again.
“I
don’t know.” She shook her head, looking worried. “There are just so many
things I’m unsure about. What if I’m pregnant? Will I finish school? Will I
ever go to grad school? Will we get married? Should I even want to marry you? I
barely know you. Am I crazy?” She rambled on and then paused and gave me a
small smile. “I sound crazy right now, don’t I?”
“If
you’re crazy, you’re the most wonderful crazy person I’ve ever known.” I
couldn’t resist the urge to grab a hold of her hand and trace the lines in her
palm. I loved the feeling of her skin next to mine, even when it wasn’t in an
intimate way.
“And
you’re the most wonderful crazy person I’ve ever known, too.”
“Wait
a minute. Who said I’m crazy?” I laughed, happy to see the smile on her face.
“I know most men wouldn’t date Worzel Gummidge’s twin sister, but I don’t know
if that makes me crazy.”
“Zane.”
She laughed and hit me in the arm. “Is my hair looking crazy again?” She looked
at me self-consciously.
“No.”
I tilted her face up to mine and kissed her forehead as I ran my hands through
her long, cascading locks. “Your curls look like you.”
“So
it does look crazy?” She smiled at me and pushed her arms around my waist
before placing her head against my chest. “You’re so warm.”
I
brought her closer to me and wrapped my arms around her as I held her warm body
tightly against me. The feel of her so close to me made me feel whole. It made
me feel complete. Lucky fit me in a way no other woman ever would.
“Are
you still mad at me for reasons unknown?” I whispered into her ear.
“I’m
not mad at you, Zane. I’m just confused. The call confused me.” She looked up
at me
,
with a glint in her brown eyes, and all
of a sudden, I felt extremely uneasy. “But I would be lying if I told you I
didn’t love this, didn’t love you. Your warmth soothes my soul.” She giggled.
“Shit, I sound corny.”
“I
was going to say you sound like a sweet, innocent farm girl.” I grinned back at
her, letting my words mask my concern and worry. “So, Lucky, please tell me,
what farm did you come from?”
“The
tobacco farm, duh.”
“What,
not the cotton farm?”
“My
family grew tobacco and cotton, I’ll have you know.”
“Oh,
on the plantation?”
“Why,
yes, I do miss the plantation.” She reached up and ran her fingers across my
lips and I nibbled on the tip of her index finger. “Ow.” She pulled it back
quickly.
“There’s
more where that came from, ma’am.”
“I
bet there is.”
“Hey,
guys, any chance of dinner anytime soon?” Leo shouted up the stairs and Lucky
pulled away from me with a guilty look.
“Oh
no, I forgot
Leonardo was here.” She looked at
me with anxiously. “I’m such a bad host.”
“No
worries, love.” I grinned. She hadn’t even remembered Leo was there. I guess he
hadn’t made a huge impression on her
after all.
I tried to stop myself from gloating. I needed Lucky to like Leo if I was going
to follow my plan. I just wasn’t sure if I was making the right decision. One
part of me—the part in my brain that was focused on emotions and my worry—told
me it was what I needed to do. But the sane part of me—the part that was
here with Lucky—told me that I was making a mistake. That I should just
appreciate what we had and live life. And I wanted to do that so badly. But I
couldn’t stop the voice in my head that told me that I was not enough.
“We’re
coming, Leo. Don’t get your panties in a bunch.”
“I’ll
pretend I didn’t hear that.” He laughed and looked past me to talk to Lucky.
“I’ve been waiting patiently for your lamb. I hope it’s nearly ready.”
“Oh,
my lamb!” Lucky cried out and ran down the stairs. “My lamb’s going to be dried
out. Nooo!” I watched as she ran into the kitchen, and a warm, domestic feeling
overwhelmed me. Maybe I was old-fashioned, but I wanted to see Lucky in the
kitchen, with a bunch of kids around her. I wanted to watch her grimace when
she burnt the cookies and delight when her soufflés rose perfectly. I wanted to
make s’mores in the fireplace and I wanted to enjoy late night ….
“Zane,
can you come and help me, please?” Lucky called out to me and interrupted my
daydream.
“Want
more wine?” I asked Leo before hurrying to the kitchen.
“I
never thought I’d see the day where Zane Beaumont was domesticized.” Leo
laughed as he shook his head.
“Shh.”
I frowned at him and hurried into the kitchen. “What’s wrong?”
“The
potatoes are cold and the lamb has cooked too long.” She looked at me with wide
eyes. “The dinner’s going to be awful.”
“It
smells and looks good,” I said gently, ignoring the fact that the lamb chop
looked like a dried up piece of charcoal.
“Liar,”
she mumbled and sighed. “I just don’t believe this.”
“It’s
okay, Lucky.”
“Argh.”
“Are
you okay?” I was starting to think that Lucky was having pregnancy wiles. Maybe
that was why she was so emotional? I wasn’t even sure if that was a real
symptom, and if it was, I didn’t know if it would be showing up so quickly.
“No,
my dinner is ruined.” She opened the fridge and pulled out a glass bowl that I
vaguely recognized. “At least the salad is still good.” She lifted up the plastic
wrap from the top of the bowl. “Maybe we can do salad and …”
“Did
someone say that we were having a salad for dinner?” Leo sauntered in. I gave
him a look and nodded my head quickly to the counter where the burnt lamb chops
sat. I saw him glance over and he winked at me. “Salad sounds great. I didn’t
want to tell you before, but I’m trying to avoid meat right now.”