The Friends We Keep (Mischief Bay) (27 page)

“I just am. Trust me. Now I get why Eric didn’t want me reading the screenplay. I think he took out all the frustrations he had in our marriage in that character. There’s a rawness to their relationship that rings true. At the end, she gets kidnapped and is totally humiliated by the bad guys. Everyone cheered.”

“You’re an awesome person,” Gabby told her. “We love you. You’re a great mom, your classes are popular. It’s not you.”

Nicole didn’t look convinced. “It’s more than I’m afraid people will guess it’s me and think that’s what I’m really like. It’s that... Eric’s view of me is so different than my view of myself. It’s scary, in a way. Plus, I thought...” She sighed. “I know we’re divorced, but I didn’t think we were enemies.”

“Maybe he got carried away,” Hayley said. “Listening to the voices in his head. We all tell stories. Like me with Morgan. Saying my parents loved her more. Lately I’ve been wondering if that’s true. She said something a while ago. About me being chosen. All this time I’ve thought she was the special one because she was theirs. What if it wasn’t that way at all? What if all this time, she’s been jealous of me?”

“Why wouldn’t she be?” Gabby asked. “You’re the one everyone likes.”

Hayley thought about the last few months and how Morgan had acted. “My sister is kind of a bitch.”

Nicole laughed. “You’re just now getting that?”

“Seriously,” Gabby added. “We all have T-shirts for the ‘I hate Morgan’ club. You want one?”

“Maybe.” Hayley shook her head. “No. I take that back. I don’t hate her. I think she’s difficult and selfish and she takes advantage of people. All my life I saw her getting attention. I believed our parents loved her more because she always got her way. But lately I’ve been thinking. Maybe it’s different than that. Maybe they acted the way they did out of self-defense.”

“To keep her from burning down the house?” Gabby asked.

“Something like that.”

“I always thought it was so interesting,” Nicole said. “How you two are different. I know you’re adopted, but it’s more than that. Talk about different personalities. You’re kind and gentle. A real giving spirit. Morgan sucks all the air out of a room. Everything has to be about her.”

Hayley nodded. “She certainly screamed louder than me. Than anyone, really. So they listened because they had to. Morgan swears I was the favorite. I wonder if I simply looked at the situation from my perspective for so long that I forgot there was a bigger picture. Maybe it’s like that with Eric. You’re caught up in your point of view.”

“What would be a different one?” Nicole asked.

Their server returned. Hayley opened her menu, then surrendered to the inevitable. “A cookies and cream milk shake,” she said. “And the guacamole burger.”

“Wow,” Gabby breathed. “I am so impressed. I’ll have a vanilla milk shake and the bacon burger.”

“Chocolate mint for me,” Nicole told their waitress. “The guacamole burger with sweet potato fries.”

“Wild woman,” Gabby teased.

“You know it.”

Hayley waited until their server left before continuing. “Eric abandoned his wife and child. I can accept your marriage ending. It happens. But he has no excuse for what he did to Tyler. I think deep down he knows he was a jerk, but most people can’t live with that, so they tell themselves another story. Whatever you saw on the screen isn’t you, Nicole. It’s what he tells himself to justify what he did. We all have our own personal truth, but I don’t think it has much relationship with reality.”

They both looked startled.

“Wow,” Nicole said slowly. “That sounds really wise. I never thought of Eric having to make things right with himself. But he does, doesn’t he?”

“He’s the one who quit his job without discussing it with you,” Gabby reminded her. “He’s the one who withdrew from the marriage. You tried to make things work and he wanted out. Now he basically ignores his son. Everyone gets part of the blame in the failure of a marriage. You did things wrong, I’m sure. But most of it falls on him. He has to reconcile that. Maybe the character in the movie is part of that.”

Nicole relaxed a little. “I hadn’t thought of it that way. I just felt so humiliated. Like everyone was pointing and staring.”

“What did Jairus say?” Gabby asked.

“He didn’t think it was me.”

“Then no one else will. People are amazingly self-centered and dense.”

Nicole looked at her. “Speaking about anyone in particular?”

“Candace.”

It took Hayley a second to place the name. “Andrew’s ex?”

“That’s the one. While we’re on the subject of parents who deserve to be bitch-slapped, Candace has decided she doesn’t want to see Makayla anymore.” Gabby brought them up to date on what was happening with her family.

Hayley thought about all she’d been through to have a baby. She genuinely couldn’t understand people who were blessed with a child and then ignored them. It made no sense. She would have given anything to have that relationship. She’d nearly died because of it.

“Makayla must be crushed,” she said.

“She is.” Gabby sighed. “I don’t know what to say to her. I know I can’t make it better, but boy, do I want to try. I hate feeling so useless.”

Their waitress arrived with the milk shakes. Hayley let the cool, thick, sweet treat melt on her tongue. She felt the beginnings of a sugar rush as her world righted itself.

“There’s no bad in this,” she whispered.

“You know it, sister.” Gabby grinned.

Nicole laughed.

“It’s kind of funny,” Hayley said. “You and Makayla seem so much closer than you used to be. I never would have guessed things would work out that way.”

“Me, either. Andrew and I still carefully avoid the topic of what to do when the baby’s born.” Gabby sipped at her milk shake. “Okay, this is going to sound completely crazy, but I’ve actually thought he might be right. About me staying home with her kid.”

Hayley felt her eyes widen. Nicole’s mouth dropped open.

“Are you serious?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.” Gabby looked down at the table, then back at them. “I’m not loving my job. It’s so boring and I’m working way more hours than they’re paying me for. For the first week, I figured it was because I was rusty, but now I think they’re shoving things at me to see how much they can get out of me. I know it’s a nonprofit, but I’m only supposed to be working twenty hours a week. I’m working more like forty.”

Hayley winced. “When? You have three kids, a house, a husband.”

“Tell me about it. I stay up late, get up early. It’s hard. Especially when I think about how little I’m getting paid. I don’t know. Then I think about all the women who are struggling just to put food on the table and I feel guilty for complaining.”

“You get to complain,” Nicole told her. “We all do. Someone else’s circumstances have nothing to do with you.”

“That sounds completely rational,” Gabby agreed. “If only I could believe it.”

Hayley got that. Guilt was powerful. It was like fear—it sucked up all the air until a person couldn’t breathe.

“What does Andrew say about your potential change of heart?” Nicole asked.

“I haven’t told him. I’m still working it through. I want to be sure I’m not running from work, if that makes sense. I want to make the decision from a position of strength, not to escape a job I don’t like. Committing to raising Makayla’s baby is huge. But I can’t help thinking what I’m doing now isn’t enough.”

“Is the baby the only option?” Hayley asked.

“No. I’ve been thinking about going back to college. I don’t think I want to practice law anymore. But I’ve never considered what else there could be.”

“That’s a big step,” Nicole said.

Hayley nodded. She’d never gone to college. Just a couple of semesters, and then she’d met Rob. What would she be doing if she’d finished her education? She’d never thought much beyond being a wife and a mother. If she could do anything, she would...

“I’d study nursing,” she said, surprising herself. “If I went back to school.”

Nicole smiled. “No surprise there. It’s the sweet spirit we were talking about before. You’re good at taking care of people.”

“I wish that were true.” Hayley sighed. “Lately I’ve only been thinking of myself. With wanting to have a baby and all. Poor Rob. We’re finding our way back together, but I could have lost him. I’m glad I didn’t.”

“We are, too,” Gabby told her. “What about you, Nicole. What would you do differently?”

“I don’t know. I love my business. And I can’t say I wouldn’t have married Eric because I needed him to get Tyler. I’m going to accept where I am and be happy.”

“Can you let the movie thing go?” Hayley asked.

“I’m going to do my damnedest to try.”

Nicole raised her glass. The other two clinked theirs against it.

“To doing our damnedest,” Hayley said.

“Every day,” Gabby added. “Even if that means getting up at four in the morning.”

Chapter Twenty-Six

Nicole shifted her weight from foot to foot. “I really appreciate this,” she said, both worried and late. “Kristie is usually so dependable and I’m not comfortable canceling a class at the last minute.”

Jairus put his arm around her and led her toward the front door. “Go,” he said. “We’ll be fine. Right, Tyler?”

Her son beamed at her. “Mommy, we’re going to
paint
!” He spoke with a charming combination of awe and anticipation.

“I look forward to seeing what you’ve done when I get home.” She hesitated, not sure what other instructions she should give him.

When Kristie had called to say she’d unexpectedly come down with food poisoning, Nicole hadn’t been worried. She could easily take over the early-evening classes. What she hadn’t counted on was that none of her usual sitters were available. Cecelia was helping out another family. Pam was traveling. Neither Gabby, Hayley or Shannon were picking up their phones. Not knowing what else to do, she’d put in an emergency call to Jairus who’d instantly agreed to watch Tyler.

Jairus opened the front door. “Go,” he said with a smile. “We’ll be fine. Call every fifteen minutes, if it makes you more comfortable. We’ll be right here. I promise.”

She couldn’t remember the last time a man had promised her anything, she thought suddenly, then shook her head. She didn’t have time for this.

“Thanks,” she said as she ran down the walkway toward her car. “Tyler, be good.”

“I will, Mommy.”

Three classes and a quick drive home later, she was back. Despite his offer to field her calls every fifteen minutes, she’d forced herself not to check in with Jairus. Tyler knew her work phone number. He would have called if there was a problem.

As she stepped into the living room, she saw there were a couple of lamps on, along with the TV. Several things occurred to her at once. First, that Tyler was still up. Well, not
up
, exactly, but curled up next to Jairus, asleep, rather than in his bed. Second, her pajama-clad son looked amazingly comfortable with the man, as if he trusted him completely. Which Nicole supposed he probably did. Third, Jairus and Tyler looked good together. Connected. As if they had a close relationship that made them both happy.

Last, and maybe not least, the second her gaze locked with Jairus’s, she felt something sexy and liquid and hot deep down inside her. The sensation had been absent so long, it took her a bit to recognize it.

Desire.

The information shocked her. Sure, they’d kissed and it had been nice, but she’d been careful to keep things light. While he always joked about wanting her, she figured that was just a reflex rather than actual information. But what if she’d been wrong? What if he felt this way, too?

She lost herself in a nanosecond-long image of tangled arms and legs, of his body easing into hers. Her breath caught and she looked away to get a bit of control. Only to notice what was paused on the television.

Wanting fled as humiliation flooded her. She groaned. “He didn’t.”

Jairus smiled. “He did. Tyler told me about how you were a beautiful dancer and then offered to show me proof.”

The DVD they’d been watching was a familiar one—a compilation of her various dance auditions and performances. They were years old and mostly silly. But at the time she’d thought maybe she could have a career as a dancer. Just one more thing she’d been wrong about.

“You could have stopped when he fell asleep,” she whispered.

“I was enjoying myself. How were your classes?”

“Good.”

Jairus shifted so Tyler stretched out on the sofa. He turned and picked up the boy, then carried him toward the bedrooms.

“He brushed his teeth already. We’d agreed on just one more minute when he fell asleep.”

“Once he’s out, he’s out,” she murmured, following them to Tyler’s room, then scooting ahead to fold back the covers on his Brad the Dragon bed.

Jairus lowered him to the mattress, before stepping back to give her room to kiss Tyler good-night. When she turned to leave, she saw that progress had been made on the mural.

Most of the scene was outlined in black paint. Parts of Brad were painted in red and judging by the uneven brush strokes, she could guess who’d been doing that painting.

“You let him help,” she said as she closed the door.

“He did a great job.”

They returned to the living room. Jairus switched off the TV.

“The dancing was cool,” he told her, his dark gaze settling on her face. “You’re talented.”

“Not really, but thanks for saying it anyway.”

“Why do you have so much trouble accepting a compliment?”

“I don’t.”

He moved closer. “Yeah, you do. You deflect them.”

Maybe, but if that was true, there was no way she wanted to talk about it. “I tried to make it as a dancer, but couldn’t. I nearly starved to death in New York one winter. What I do now is better.”

“But you’re still a dancer at heart, I think.” He smiled. “Tango Girl. That’s how I thought of you after our first meeting.”

“The costume makes an impression.”

“Tell me about it.” He reached up and stroked the side of her face. “Still scared?”

She knew he wasn’t talking about her dance career. They’d switched to a more intimate topic. “I’m not scared.”

“Sure you are. It’s okay. I’m nervous, too. It’s been a while, so hey, what if I’ve forgotten how? Plus, there’s the whole ‘it’s you’ part.”

Sex, she thought frantically. They were talking about sex. Because they were going to do it? Was she ready? Would it be okay? What underwear had she put on that morning?

“Me?”

He moved closer and rested his hands on her shoulders. “Yes, you. You knock me out. You’re sexy, funny, a great mom and those legs. You keep me awake at night, thinking about possibilities.”

What on earth was she supposed to say to that? “Jairus, I...” She swallowed, knowing she could say no. He wouldn’t push. He was that kind of man. The kind who listened and respected and painted murals in her son’s room.

She
was
scared. Scared and nervous and apprehensive. Pick a word—any word. But she also liked Jairus and maybe, just maybe, she trusted him.

“Are you going to make your move?” she asked.

“Not until you’re done thinking this through. I want it to be right. I want both of us to be sure.”

She stared at his face, taking in the too-long hair, the wide eyes, the full mouth. She thought about his hands, always gentle and sure. She thought about how she looked forward to being with him and how she missed him when they weren’t together. Then she raised herself on tiptoe and pressed her mouth to his.

They’d kissed before. Many times. There had even been a little passion in some of them. But this was different. This time there was anticipation.

She leaned into him. His arms lowered and his hands moved down her sides to settle at her waist. His mouth was warm against hers. He moved back and forth before brushing his tongue against her bottom lip.

She parted for him and felt need flower inside of her. Hunger grew, consuming her until the wanting was a tangible beast that had to be satisfied.

There were so many hours before dawn, she thought as she kissed him in return, meeting him stroke for stroke, letting the heat burn through her. So many possibilities.

She drew back and took his hand, then led him to her bedroom. She released his hand to turn on a bedside lamp, then shut the door. When she faced him again, she realized there was no fear, no uncertainty. She knew that everything about this was right.

Jairus’s eyes burned bright with passion. “Before we get started,” he said, his voice husky. “Do you have condoms?”

She thought of the box her friend Pam had given her several months before with the instruction to find someone to wear them, and smiled. “I do.”

“That’s my girl.”

It was the last time either of them spoke for a long time. Jairus undressed her carefully, touching and kissing, exploring every inch of her. He took off his clothes and joined her on the bed. His body was long and lean, with just enough muscle to be interesting.

Nicole lost herself in the sensations of his hands on her body, his mouth on her nipples and then between her legs. It took seconds for her to come. The sensations were almost unfamiliar—her release nearly rusty from disuse. But when he entered her, she came again and this time was better. New and pleasurable. Right.

Later, when the condom was in the trash and they’d cleaned up and were lying in her bed, the tangle of arms and legs just like she’d imagined, he kissed the top of her head.

“Go to sleep, Tango Girl.”

“You’re staying?”

“I’d like to.”

She relaxed against him, her eyelids heavy. “I’d like that, too.”

“I’ll be gone before Tyler wakes up.”

She nodded, knowing she could trust him. Jairus shifted, holding her tightly against him.

“I’m going to say something,” he told her. “Your job is to listen. Don’t say anything back to me. Promise?”

She’d been feeling a little sleepy, but was suddenly completely awake. She nodded, feeling apprehensive. What was he going to tell her? Something awful? Did he not want to see her anymore? Was his divorce not final? Had she just made love with a married man?

“I love you.”

She turned so she could look at him. Before she could speak, he pressed his index finger to her lips.

“Not a word. You promised. I don’t want anything in return, Nicole. I just wanted you to know.”

* * *

Hayley knew she was dreaming, but that didn’t make the experience any less real. She was alone in the house. The rooms were familiar. She knew the shapes and the placement of the windows and which floorboards creaked. But that was where the similarity ended. The furnishings were all gone and the house was empty. She was in it completely alone.

“Rob?”

She kept calling for him, but he wasn’t there. No matter how many times she circled through the unfurnished rooms, he was gone. Fear kept her moving. She knew that if she stopped, she would remember and the remembering would be too much.

“Rob?”

Her voice got louder and louder until she was screaming. Only there wasn’t any sound. Just her frantic search. He had to be here! He had to be! Without him—

“Hayley?”

She came awake with a start. Rob leaned over her where she lay on the couch.

“Honey, what’s wrong?”

She sprang to her feet and looked around. Everything was where it was supposed to be, including her husband. She flung herself at him and hung on tight.

“I had a bad dream,” she whispered, breathing in the familiar scent of him. “You were gone.” Because
gone
was so much easier to say than what she’d actually thought in the dream. That he was dead.

The babies she’d been unable to carry had been faceless. Real in her heart, but imagining them had been difficult. All their promise had been in the future. But Rob was different. He was now. To lose him was to lose everything.

He stroked her back. “I’m right here, honey. I’m sorry my meeting ran late.”

She held back tears, knowing he wouldn’t understand them. “I was reading and I guess I fell asleep,” she whispered.

Her heartbeat slowed and the taste of fear receded. He drew back and looked at her.

“Better?”

She nodded. “You must be hungry.”

“Starved.”

They went into the kitchen where she heated some pot roast and the vegetables from their dinner the previous night. Rob loosened his tie as she worked and put his suit jacket over a chair.

“The service reports are good,” he said, sounding pleased. “Customer satisfaction is up twenty-three percent from this time last year.”

She clapped her hands together. “That’s fantastic and all you, right?”

“Yeah. They’re happy with me.” He grinned. “We’re getting a raise. A big one. Plus a bonus. Want to go to Fiji?”

She ran over and hugged him. “I’m so proud of you. Not surprised at all, but very proud.”

“Thanks, Hayley.”

He kissed her. “I’m serious about the trip. Want to go somewhere?”

She thought about how long it had been since they’d taken a vacation. They couldn’t because all their money went toward fertility treatments.

“Maybe not Fiji,” she told him. “But yes, let’s take a few days off together.” She tilted her head. “Then maybe we can talk to a contractor about the kitchen. I still want to fix up the house, if you do.”

“Sure. Kitchen, then bathrooms.”

The microwave beeped. She checked his dinner, then put it back in for a couple of minutes more. When she turned back to him, she saw he wasn’t smiling anymore.

“What?” she asked.

“I was thinking. About kids.”

Her bubble of happiness burst. She tucked her arms behind herself and grabbed hold of the counter. “What about them?”

“Are you still against adopting?”

There it was. The inevitable question she’d been dreading. “I don’t know. It scares me, because of what happened in my family.” She held up a hand before he could speak. “I know my parents loved me. I know Morgan is a bitch and that’s why she got all the attention.”

His brows rose. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot. About her and how things were. I think some of what I felt was real, but some of it was a story I told myself.”

The microwave beeped again but they both ignored it.

“I need more time,” she admitted. “Before I can put all the past behind me, but I’m trying, Rob. I know you want children and you don’t care that much if they’re yours or not.”

He nodded slowly.

“I’m trying to get there. I want to get there.”

He relaxed. “That’s good to hear. We’re not in a rush, Hayley. It’ll happen. In the meantime, I want to look into ways to work with children. Maybe as a coach or scouting or something.”

“You’d be great at that. Kids like you.”

“I enjoy spending time with them.”

She pulled his dinner from the microwave and set the plate on the table. “There are a lot of organizations that need volunteers,” she said. “Maybe we can look together.”

“I’d like that.”