The Courage to Love Her Army Doc (15 page)

They lunged at each other with the urgency of two lovers soon to be separated, possibly for ever.

This time the slow burn of passion was replaced with a fierce need to block out reality and get back to that place of utter contentment as soon as possible when they were both struggling to keep it together. They tore at each other's clothes in their need for a hit of those feel-good endorphins only hot sex could provide. Clinging to each other as though they were adrift at sea, holding on to one another for survival, they joined together in one frantic thrust. For a moment that was all Emily needed, to know he wanted her, that they were together. Then he was moving inside her, turning her thoughts to more primitive needs and how quickly he could take her back to that pinnacle of utter bliss.

Her mind and body were completely consumed by the frenetic pace of their lovemaking as Joe drove into her again and again, chasing away his own demons. There was a moment when their eyes locked, that connection stronger than ever, knowing they both needed this release to free them from their inner turmoil. They came together, their combined cries drowning out the sound of thunder in the distance.

Emily had never known such pleasure and pain, knowing this was the only time they'd have this freedom together. A true passion she'd probably never experience again.

They lay in each other's arms, watching the flames dance in the corner of the cave until Joe's soft snore broke the comfortable silence as he finally seemed to find some peace.

Emily turned on her side and whispered, ‘I love you,' safe in the knowledge he wouldn't hear her.

She knew it was the last time she'd ever say it.

* * *

‘It's time to go.' Joe was gently shaking her awake but she didn't want to open her eyes because that meant facing the truth. The dream was over.

He tried again, a little more forcefully this time. ‘We need to get moving before they send a search party out for us.'

She groaned like a truculent teenager forced to get out of bed on a school morning. ‘Do we have to?'

‘Yes.' He dropped a kiss on her nose.

She supposed food and a warm bed were a good incentive. Plus, if he was brave enough to get that close to her morning breath he must really want to be out of here.

Despite fighting his own demons half the night, Joe clearly hadn't put thoughts of his patient out of his mind. Now it was daylight and their return was inevitable, Emily's concern grew too over what might have occurred in their absence. A more in-depth discussion about Joe's past and his thoughts on a future with her could wait until after they'd checked in with Peter and Miriama.

There was a tad more urgency to her movements now she'd stopped thinking only of herself. She got up but there was no bed to make, no post-coital lazy breakfast together or reason to dilly-dally. Joe kicked some dirt over the fire to make sure it was out and then it was time to leave their little love nest.

They made their way back down to the beach to retrieve the boat from where it had been stashed the night before and pulled it to the edge of the water. The sea was calm today, like flat blue glass for them to slip effortlessly across to Yasi; the sky was as calm as the water. It was almost as if yesterday's drama had never happened. That wasn't what she wanted at all. Last night with Joe had been the best night of her life. They'd connected in every way imaginable and she didn't want to lose that as soon as they stepped off the island. She still had a few days left before she went home and believed that, given time, they could make this something more than a holiday fling. He'd already started to open up to her and she was willing to risk her heart by giving this a shot.

‘What's wrong? Are you sad to be leaving?' Joe didn't seem to understand her attachment to this place, which didn't bode well for a budding romance.

Sleeping with Joe had marked a new chapter in her life. It had put an end to her marriage once and for all. The divorce papers had made it official, but it hadn't been until she'd fallen in love with another man that it had become real to her. She would remember this island for ever as the place where she'd become Emily Jackson again, a single woman living her own life, making her own decisions. She kind of hoped
it
—
she
—meant as much to Joe.

He was waiting for her to answer and she thought about laughing it off, pretend last night had been nothing more than sex. But she'd spent too much of her life lying about who she was. If he couldn't handle her feelings, well, she'd simply have to live with the repercussions.

‘I don't want this to end. Once we go back to Yasi we're doctors, somebody's family, somebody's friend. Here we're just Emily and Joe, with no expectations from anyone other than ourselves.' A night with Joe had exceeded any expectations she might have had and given her a taste of something special. It wasn't something she was in any hurry to abandon in favour of cool reality. Yasi now seemed like the first step back towards her actual life, where there was no hunky man to spoon with her at night and a whole lot more besides.

With his hands on his hips, his gaze cast down at the waves washing in and out on the sand, Joe let out a heavy sigh. For a moment Emily worried he might jump in the boat and sail off into the blue without her. Instead, he splashed along the water's edge towards her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

‘This won't end until we're both ready.' His words didn't bring her as much comfort as he probably intended because he was still stamping their relationship with a use-by date. It
was
going to end, albeit on a different island with more than swaying palm trees to witness her eventual heartbreak. This might be the new Emily but she still had the same old soft heart. Tears burned the back of her eyelids as Joe gave her one last castaway kiss. She doubted she'd ever be ready. No matter how much notice she had, when the end came it was going to come hard and fast. Joe had left a mark on her soul that wasn't likely to fade any time soon. She knew she'd be thinking of him every time she stepped into the sun.

* * *

Joe's head was scrambled, his troubling memories of Afghanistan mixed with those of last night and Emily comforting him. Loving him. He'd spent so long battling the nightmares on his own that he didn't know how to cope with sharing them. Nothing made sense to him any more except kissing her. In some ways he could understand her reluctance to leave. It was easier to stay here wrapped up in each other's arms and ignore everything else outside this slice of paradise. Except hiding wouldn't solve anyone's problems, his least of all.

Even if they chose to push the boat out into the ocean minus its passengers and purposefully strand themselves on this island for ever, it still wouldn't help him reconcile with his faults, or make him the right man for Emily. If something happened out here she'd be dependent on him and that was too much to contemplate for someone who couldn't be trusted with that level of responsibility. Someone who didn't want that level of responsibility again after losing two people he'd loved who were supposedly under his care. Last night, making love to Emily with complete abandon for the first time since leaving the army, had been wonderful but their status couldn't be any more permanent than his stay on this island. As much as he loved her and had probably been searching for her all his life, his wants and needs would have to come second to hers. She deserved more than him.

‘Ready?' he said with a forced laugh, making a joke of his last comment before Emily read too much into it. She'd been let down too often. There was no point in leading her on with false promises into believing any of this was real. They had no chance of being together and living happily ever after. That was for heroes, strong men who'd given everything of themselves for others, not those who'd failed in their duty.

‘Okay.' Her smile was as fake as his attempt at humour but at least she seemed to understand this need to stop lying to themselves. They had to go back and pick up the reins at the clinic again. It was their job, their calling, their reason for being out here, and it wouldn't do them any good to get too caught up in this fantasy when people depended on them.

As he pushed the boat into the water with Emily on board it was all he could do to jump in beside her, knowing they were sailing towards the end of this romance. The sands of time were shifting ever faster as the sea breeze carried them closer to Yasi and further away from their own personal love island—the only place they could ever truly be together.

When they came ashore on Yasi there was no singing, dancing welcome party to greet them. On the plus side, there wasn't an angry stepbrother waiting for him with a shotgun either. It was going to be pretty obvious what had happened between them left alone on that island all this time when they'd barely been able to keep their hands off each other in company. Peter had already warned him off hurting Emily and that was another promise he knew he was probably going to break when the thought of leaving was already causing him pain. Although she hadn't spoken the exact words, her every look, every touch said she loved him as much as he loved her.

They hauled the boat up onto the beach, where it could be retrieved later. Depending on what they were going back to, it might be used for another voyage soon. There was no point in dragging this out and causing more suffering. If all was well back at the clinic and the chief's house they should probably quit while they were ahead and cherish the happy memories of their night together rather than wait a week for the tears and recriminations to start.

He strode ahead on their walk back into the village in a scene reminiscent of their first meeting. A different couple would have marched along, not caring who knew what had happened or what came next. He couldn't afford that luxury and neither could Emily, though she didn't know it. It was almost inconceivable to think that a few days after their first meeting his whole world would be upside down and he'd broken every one of his relationship rules because of this woman. If Emily expected a loved-up stroll, hand in hand, making the most of their last minutes alone, she didn't say anything. At least nothing he heard.

He paused at the top of the hill to take a breath and a mental snapshot of the view he'd called home for too long. It gave his walking companion time to catch up.

‘You seem in an awful hurry to get back.' She moved directly in front of him so there was no escaping the sound of disappointment in her voice.

‘I'm sure it's been a long night for everyone. They'll be wondering what's keeping us with the storm long past and half the morning gone already. It's not fair to make them wait any longer than necessary.' They'd had their fun and now it was time to face the consequences.

‘Joe? Is everything all right? Between us, I mean?'

This was his opportunity to tell her the truth. Everything between them was far from all right. It was crazy and messed up and scaring the hell out of him enough to consider getting the next boat off the island. Instead he slung an arm around her shoulders as if she was an old mate seeking reassurance on a trivial matter, not a lover asking him about his feelings for her.

‘Sure,' he said, his confidence failing him. Going back into the community with shattered hearts suddenly seemed crueller than letting this play out until he had his bag packed.

‘I guess we do need time to acclimatise again, give Peter some warning that we were together before he figures it out for himself.' She gave credence to his explanation, increasing his uneasiness by expanding on it until it became her truth. This trust in him was exactly the reason he should leave. He couldn't live up to her expectations and when the blinkers came off it would be in the most humiliating fashion.

‘Right,' he said, picking up the pace and carrying the lie away with him.

‘The wanderers have returned!' Peter and Miriama were every bit as exhausted and pleased to see them as he'd expected. The guilt slammed into Joe's chest harder than the group hug in which he and Emily were swamped.

‘Sorry you had to hold down the fort for so long but we thought it best to wait out the storm.' He immediately felt the need to justify their long delay, even though the reason would've been obvious to anyone who'd witnessed Mother Nature's rage last night.

‘I'm just glad you didn't get caught up in it. Did you find somewhere to shelter?' Peter rubbed Emily's arm as if he was trying to generate some heat for her even now. It was a reminder she still had someone to turn to, come what may. Her stepbrother was that person, not someone who was already planning to run away before they reached the first hurdle.

‘Joe knew somewhere—'

‘We found a place up in the rocks out of the rain.' He cut Emily off before she gave Peter the idea he'd somehow pre-planned all of it.

Besides, the cave had been his secret and it wasn't something he wanted to share with anyone but her even now. Revealing its whereabouts, leaving it open to future visitors, would defile the time they'd spent there together. He wanted them to be the last two inhabitants; the ghosts of their pasts and never-to-be-had future doomed to haunt the stony cavern for ever.

‘Good. I had enough to worry about here and figured years of survival training would see you right. Although I would've thought a desert island in a tropical storm was a doddle compared to rain-soaked ditches in the English countryside.'

‘You bet. I hope you didn't have too tough a night here without us.' He'd spent the night cuddled up with the most beautiful woman in the world while her stepbrother had been doing the job
he
was supposed to be doing.

‘All the delights you'd expect but nothing we couldn't handle. He seems to be through the worst of it for real this time.'

‘Thanks, mate. I really appreciate you stepping up to the plate for me. I'm just sorry we put you in that position in the first place.'