Authors: K.T Fisher
written by K.T. Fisher
in the Decoy Series)
Copyright @2013 Kellie Fisher
Cover art @2013 CT COVER CREATIONS
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual persons living or dead, businesses and events or locales are entirely coincidental.dpg
A message from K.T.Fisher
Before I say anything I just want to say a big thank you to my family for dealing with me while I was writing this book. The many times I have been busy writing and thinking constantly about what to write next. You guys are my rock and I love you all.
I also want to thank all my readers! You guys are awesome! When I wrote
I didn't think it would sell as well as it did. I love writing so I just wrote it as a hobby and you all turned my dream into a reality and I thank you so much. I loved writing
and I hope you all love reading it.
Another big thank you to my proof readers. You know who you are. Without you my book wouldn't be as great as it is and I really thank you a lot.
Lastly I think we can all clap for Clarise Tan who designed
new cover and also
wonderful cover. I think I speak for everyone when I say they are beautiful.
The drive back home was quiet. Maisy drove me home whilst I just sat there staring out of the window. I've sent an apology text to Sophie, and she assures me everything is fine. She wants me and Jax to sort everything out and wishes me luck. When I reply back
I tell her to stop thinking about me and enjoy her honeymoon. She shouldn't be worrying about me. I feel terrible for what has just happened at her house, the day after her wedding and just before she leaves for her honeymoon.
I say my thanks to Maisy and wave goodbye to her as she gets into Jessica's car. Jessica is driving her back to Sophie's so she can get her car, I appreciate what they're doing to help me. They wanted to stay, but I just want to be alone. Luckily my mum has just text to ask if she can have Finley over for a little while longer.
When I walk in my front door, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the over sized mirror in the hallway. Oh wow, I look a mess. My face is all wet and red from the amount of crying. I can't believe Jax held me down on the floor like that. I wanted to tell him in private. Then he could have met Finley, but he made me shout the truth at him instead. In front of everyone! Jax is probably so angry at me that he never wants to see me again. I can't blame him, but I hope he still wants to see Finley. A good bath is what I need, so I make my way upstairs and hope it can calm me down.
After a wonderful hot and steamy bath, that was hot enough to turn my skin red
I do feel a little better. While I was relaxing I ran over everything that had happened yesterday and this morning. I tried to not think of that kiss, but I can't help it. It has planted itself into my brain. Thinking about how Jax took control of my mouth makes my lips tingle. It's like he's just kissed me all over again. No more worrying about getting carried away with Jax. He won't want to be near me after what I've said to him. Never mind him wanting to kiss me again.
I get dressed and leave my hair in its high messy bun that I did before I got into the bath. My phone very loudly vibrates on my dressing table. I'm shocked to see it's a text from Jax.
JAX: I'm sorry x
I start to cry again all over again. I didn't expect that and he shouldn't be saying he's sorry to me. I'm the one in the wrong. I know he was tough on me earlier but that's Jax, and he knew how to get what he wanted out of me.
ME: No, I'm sorry Jax. So sorry I lied to you x
JAX: I shouldn't have pushed U like that. I made U cry. I just wanted 2 help U and if that meant getting a name I just had to get it out of U. Y did U lie to me Kendal? Y didn't U tell me? x
ME: R U still OK 2 come over? x
JAX: On my way x
He's coming over now? Shit I'd better get ready!
I quickly make my face look better. Jax may be angry with me, but there's no need for him to see me in this mess. I make sure the house is presentable and quickly manage to get myself together before there's a loud knock on the door. I take a deep breath and when I open the door I hold back my gasp. Jax looks distraught. His eyes are so sad, and when he walks past me he doesn't carry himself with his usual confidant swagger. How could I have done this to him? I'm a terrible, terrible person!
I quietly shut the door and lead Jax into my living room. When I sit down on the sofa, I see Jax is still standing, looking at the large photo frame hanging on the wall above my other sofa. The large frame holds twenty photos that scatter in different positions. They're a few of me and Finley together, but most of them are just Finley. Jax stands there staring at it, his broad back facing me. I can see he's breathing heavily through his tight top. I start to feel like I can't hold myself together. I can not cry again. I've cried enough today but looking at the man I love, looking like this - has become my undoing, and I feel my tears stroll down my face. I feel so shit that I have done this, I thought I was doing the right thing. Looking at Jax makes me believe I got it all wrong. So totally wrong.
I look down to the floor because I can’t handle looking at him anymore. It’s too much and it’s breaking me. I can’t hold my tears back any longer
so I hang my head and try my best to cry silently. I thought I was doing a good job until I see Jax's knees crouch down next to my feet and then his two strong hands hold my head on either side. Jax lifts my face so I look at him crouching down in front of me. The look on his face breaks me again. He looks concerned for me - which is wrong. This is about him and Finley. He wipes my tears away with his thumbs and kisses my forehead.
"Don't cry baby. I'm here now for you. For both of you."
Which just makes me cry harder and he pulls me into his arms. How can he be so good to me? I can't take his kindness, I need him to shout at me or at least look at me with disgust.
"I-I'm s-so sorry Jax."
I manage to say between my sobs. There was no point in me putting on fresh make-up. Jax holds me tighter and I breathe in his scent. I'm immediately taken back four years, old favourite memories flood back. I loved getting up and close to Jax, wrapped in his large tattooed arms. I breathe him in some more and his smell manages to calm me down, he has always smelt so good.
"Why? I could have helped you. I could have been with you. You shouldn't have done this alone for so long Kendal. You don't know how angry I am right now that you robbed me of this. Not just lying about Finley but I should have been here for you too."
There's no point in lying anymore, so I let it all fall out.
"When I found out I was pregnant I knew I had to keep the baby, but I couldn't take your dream away Jax. You loved playing, and you were getting more and more attention. You were finally getting somewhere
if I had told you I was pregnant with your baby it would have ruined everything for you."
"Don't be so stupid. I could have been there for you both and still have had Decoy."
I pull away from him so I can look him straight in the face.
"No you couldn't!"
He frowns down at me, so I quickly say what I have too.
"When Finley was about a week old, I heard the news you had been signed. Are you telling me you would have left Finley – to go and do the promotional tour when he was that young?"
Jax is now the one to look down at the floor. I know I have him.
"I could have sorted something."
"That's what I didn't want you to do. I wanted you to be happy and live your dream. Not stressing about how to fix it all. I couldn't take that away from you. I originally planned to tell Finley when he was a teenager, but this year has been so hard. I couldn't do it anymore Jax. Finley needs you."
He looks at me and softly strokes my cheek.
"Kendal, I was happy and living my dream when you were with me. When you left I wasn't happy anymore. I wasn't living my dream anymore. Being with you was my dream. Being without you was miserable."
I don't know what to say. Jax lifts one of his eyebrows and smiles. It warms me inside because he looks a little better than ten minutes ago.
"So, you named him Finley?"
I smile back. I always loved the name. When I found out that was also Jax's middle name, I was so happy that if we stayed together and had a family our sons name would be special. Even though we were not together as a family, we still created a son together. I had to call him Finley.
Jax glances back to the wall where the multi photo frame is hung.
"He's a good looking kid."
I giggle. That's because he takes after his dad.
"He's so much like you Jax. In everything. He's your little double."
He turns back to me and my heart drops. He has tears in his eyes.
"Tell me about him
So I do. I tell him everything. I show him old photos and videos on my phone. With every memory I share, every photo and video I show him
he seems to slip back to the same old Jax. Feeding Jax information about his son is putting him back together. I know what I have to do now. After talking and laughing about Finley for an hour, I get a text from my mum. Finley will be here in about fifteen minutes but I don't want Jax to meet my mum yet. That can wait.
"Do you want to meet him?"
He nods and looks back down the photo he's holding. It's a picture of me and Finley in the park, Finley was about nine months old. The photo shows me holding Finley smiling at the camera. It was a windy day, so my red hair is blowing and little Finley's grinning a gummy-toothless smile. It's a beautiful picture. I have it on my phone, so I've given the picture to Jax.
"When Finley comes back. Could you stay upstairs until my mum goes? Then you can come down and meet just Finley."
This big, strong, sexy man, who faces big crowds of screaming fans and paparazzi, suddenly seems very nervous. I put my hand on his knee and squeeze.
"It's going to be fine Jax."
Kendal has just spotted her mums car outside, so I've come upstairs to hide away from her. Kendal wants me to meet Finley first and then introduce me to her parents. It makes sense, so I agreed. I just want to meet my son, and after listening to Kendal telling me all about Finley, I'm so nervous to meet him.
Eventually, I got my head around the idea of having a son. Now, the wish I wanted of having my own little family is starting to become a reality. I was still angry with Kendal when I came over here, but when I saw what state she was in, my anger lessoned. She looked so small and fragile. Her little face all red and her eyes were puffy. I knew me making her come clean had done that and I'm disappointed in myself treating her like that. I had no idea she was going to tell me I was Finley's father.
Being angry at Kendal for keeping this secret doesn't change how I feel about her. I'm not angry at her for not telling me I have a son. It's because she left me when she needed me the most and raised our child alone for nearly four years. I'm angry because I've wasted those four years, spending them with pointless women – when I could have had Kendal. Spent time - bonding with my son. I don't know how it would have all worked out. I would have tried everything. Maybe Decoy might not have been where we are today. It might have taken longer to get where we wanted to be, or it might not have happened at all. I wouldn't have cared because I would have had Kendal and Finley.
I wasn't lying when I told her my dream was with her. After Kendal had run out on me, I soon realized that I was not living the dream anymore. Yes, I loved being the front man of Decoy and singing to the fans
Without Kendal with me
the parties were boring and my bed was cold. I wanted Decoy and Kendal. If I had to make that decision four years ago – Kendal was right. I wouldn't have gone on the promotion tour. I would've told the guys to go on without me. Max could've taken over my place easily. As long as I could have had a few local gigs singing and playing my guitar, I would have been perfectly happy.