Paint It Black (22 page)

The things I felt for him scared me. I tried to tell myself I could keep it under control, so long as I remembered the rules of the field I was playing on. I couldn’t get hurt if I had no expectations. Cougar wasn’t
about commitment or marriage or kids. But still… all my life, there were parts of myself I’d kept guarded, and they didn’t concern Barnes or Maria. Those two had “happened” to me, like a car wreck or a disease. They didn’t have anything to do with who I was. Grady knew my secrets, but he never knew my soul. With Cougar, it was the opposite. Even in the beginning, I feared I couldn’t love Grady enough. With Cougar, I feared I’d love him too much.

“You okay?” he asked, and I jerked my T-shirt over my head.

“Yeah. All dressed except for my shoes.”

He walked over and again knelt in front of me to help. Like a kindergartner, I let him put my sneakers on.

After a five-minute argument with the head nurse, I signed myself out against medical advice. The four of us caught an elevator to the parking lot. I grasped the elevator rail to steady myself when we lurched in motion.

“Bill, how long will it take the arson investigators to move on this?” Cougar asked. “I don’t want Grady to even
think
he’s going to get away with it.”

“Grady didn’t do it,” I murmured, and Tucker shot me a sharp look.

Cougar frowned. “Come on! Surely you don’t think this was a coincidence?”

No
, I thought.
No coincidence at all
.

“Grady’s a lot of things, but he’s not an arsonist,” I said.

“So, he had it done.” Cougar shrugged. “Same difference.”

“He wouldn’t do that to Abby. All her clothes, all her things …”

Bill squeezed my hand, but Cougar scowled. He drummed his fist against the elevator wall. “A guy like that, he thinks he can replace all that stuff. He was mad because you got Abby and you got the house. Now—”

Tucker elbowed Cougar and he fell silent.

“Now he has Abby and I have nothing,” I finished softly.

“We don’t know how bad the fire is,” Tucker said. “Let’s not assume the worst.”

But it
was
the worst.

Twenty minutes later, I stood in my front lawn, staring in shock at the smoldering remains of my home. Some of the foundation still stood, a weary skeleton of exposed beams being beaten by the relentless blasts from the firefighters’ hoses.

Fury roared inside me, as consuming as the flames that had devoured my house. The structure groaned and shifted. I cried out when what was left of the second story hit the ground with a thunderous crash.

Cougar’s arms encircled me from behind. “It’s only a house,” he whispered.

I broke away from him. “No, Cougar, it’s not only a house! It’s my videotapes of Abby’s first steps. Her baby
book. It’s our clothes, my pictures …” I twisted my hands in my hair. “One photo album … that’s all I had left of my mother.”

“I’m sorry.” He squeezed my shoulder. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just glad you and Abby are safe. It could’ve been worse. So much worse.”

He was right, I knew, but what about next time? Would this satisfy Maria’s bloodlust, or merely stoke it? I wondered if Barnes had talked to her yet, and if he could even make a difference.

“What about insurance?” I asked. “If it
is
arson, will they still pay?”

I didn’t know what I’d do if they didn’t.

Bill nodded. “When I lived in San Antonio, my neighbors went through something like this. They were separated, the husband torched the house. The court determined she was entitled to her half of the insurance proceeds as an innocent spouse.”

“Court? How long was it tied up?” I asked.

“Two years. There was something about the policy, a clause that—”

“Two years? I can’t wait two years!”

I hated the hysterical edge I heard in my voice, but I couldn’t help it. Anxiety tightened my chest, and nausea burned my throat. Realizing I was on the verge of another panic attack, I started walking. To where, I wasn’t sure. I just needed to move. I heard footsteps crunching
behind me in the snow and knew without looking they belonged to Cougar.

I stopped in the middle of a vacant lot and stared up at the sky. “What am I going to do?” I asked brokenly.

“First, you have to calm down.”

I hugged myself against the howling wind. “I’m scared of being … homeless.”

Cougar gave a surprised laugh. “Babe, you’re not going to be homeless. Even if the insurance doesn’t pay, you have friends. You have a job.” He paused. “You have me.”

He walked up behind me and grasped my shoulders, pulling me back against him. “You and Abby can stay at my place for as long as you want. No strings. Anything I have is yours.”

“I can’t stay with you. The divorce—”

“Screw the divorce,” he said sharply, then his voice softened. “I know you’re scared, but you’re not alone.”

I laid my head back against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around me.

“I was homeless, once,” I said. “Did I ever tell you that?”

He grew still. “No.”

“I was ten. My mom hurt her back and lost her factory job. In a couple of weeks, she found another job working as a maid, but we got kicked out of our apartment building in the meantime. For a month, we lived in the backseat of our old Ford. During the day, I
went to school and she worked at the hotel. It wasn’t bad, except sometimes it was a hassle to sneak me into one of the empty rooms to grab a shower in the mornings. But at night, from eight to four, she worked as a waitress at a bar called Buddy’s. I couldn’t go in there with her, and there was no one I could stay with, so I sat in the car.”

“Alone?” He sounded shocked. “A ten-year-old kid, and you spent the night alone in a bar parking lot?”

“The noises of the city scared me, the people coming and going, the sirens screaming … Most nights I would lie in the floorboard with a blanket over me, pretending I was somewhere else, but one afternoon, I went to sleep sitting straight up in the seat. When I woke up, Mama was gone and it was dark. I thought I heard something scratching on the driver’s window, but I couldn’t see anything. Then I twisted my head to look out
my
window, and found myself nose to nose with a wild-eyed, stringy-haired derelict. I screamed and crawled backward in the seat. He beat the glass between us with his filthy hands and laughed.”

Cougar’s arms tightened around me, and I was grateful for his warmth. This was the first time I’d allowed myself to think about that night in a long time, but the horror I’d felt never seemed to dissipate.

“He tried for the door handle, and I swear, I thought my heart would explode in terror, though I knew the door was locked. Mama always locked the doors. He yelled
at me to let him in, spraying the window with tobacco juice and spit. I screamed louder. I was too scared to look at him, too scared to look away. He fumbled with his pants, and he … he exposed himself to me. He stood there, stroking himself while I screamed and screamed. I couldn’t open the door for the policemen who took him away. I couldn’t even open the door for Mama, but she had the keys.”

“Honey,”
Cougar whispered. “What happened then? Did they take you away from her?”

I pulled away and glanced at him. The horror on his face shamed me. This wasn’t one of the cases we’d worked. This was my life.

“Uh, no. Mama borrowed some money from her boss for the rent deposit, and we got another place. It wasn’t much, but she put a whole row of locks on the door. It felt safer anyway.”

He stood there, still as a statue.

I dropped my head, embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I told you all that.”

“Hey.” He caught my chin and made me look at him. “You can tell me anything. I only wish … I only wish that had never happened to you.”

The pity in his eyes made me feel a little defensive. “It was a long time ago. The point is, I swore that would never happen to my daughter.”

“It won’t,” he said.

Tears burned my eyes. “No, it won’t, but not for the same reasons. If I don’t have a home, Grady and Elizabeth will take her from me. I have to find a place of my own or I’ll lose my daughter. I can’t lose her, Cougar. It would kill me.”

“I know.” He exhaled and ran a hand over his face. “We’ll find you a place tomorrow. Tonight you stay with me.”

He looked so tired and worried that I didn’t argue. Instead, I brushed a kiss on his jaw and thanked him. He smiled and said, “Ready to go back?”

I nodded and he held out his arm. I slid in close to him. deletion Side by side, we walked back to the fire. I realized that the only time I felt safe anymore was when his arm was around me.

Bill was talking to a man in fire gear when we walked up. He motioned me over. Cougar released me and went to stand by Tucker.

Bill handed me a business card with a number scrawled on the back. “Talk to this guy tomorrow.”

“He’ll be in charge of the investigation,” the man said.

“Do you think it was arson?” I asked.

He stared at the still-burning remains. “I’d really rather not comment until you talk to the investigator.”

“Come on, Dave,” Bill said. “Just give us your opinion.”

He sighed. “Well, the neighbor said that she spotted the flames in the living room first, then the whole bottom floor was engulfed within minutes.
Rapid lateral fire spreading could be an indication of flammable liquids. But until he gets in there and pokes around, it’s anybody’s guess.” He nodded at me. “Miss, Bill told me you were in the hospital when this happened. I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” I murmured, and looked up to see Tucker walking toward me, holding out my cell phone.

“This thing’s been ringing off the hook. I hate to interrupt, but thought it might be important.”

Abby
, I thought, and took it from him. I flipped it open and said hello. I heard a muffled voice, but couldn’t make out the words over the noise at the scene.

I plugged a finger in my other ear and said, “Hang on a sec. I can’t hear you.”

Excusing myself, I walked down the sidewalk until at least I got away from the sound of the other conversations. I glanced at the caller ID but didn’t recognize the number.

“Okay, I’m here. Sorry about that. It’s a little noisy here.”

A woman laughed. “I bet! I wish I could’ve hung around, stayed for the show.”

My fingers tightened on the phone. “Maria.”

“Where will you go tonight? Not to Grady’s, I bet.” Her voice hardened. “Or maybe you’ll go running back to Papa. I can’t believe you
tattled
on me!” She gave a barking laugh, then muttered, “I can’t believe he
threatened me over you, after what you did to him.”

I hugged myself and sighed “I’m so sick of this whole thing. Can’t we call it even? I hurt you, you hurt me. Let’s stop right now before one of us gets killed.”

“Do you think—” she hissed, “—if it really came down to the wire … that he’d choose you over me?”

Fear coated my heart like a sheet of ice. As insecure as Maria was, how far would she go to find out? My mind raced as I tried desperately to reason with a sociopath.

“Of course, he wouldn’t,” I snapped. “He’s your father, not mine. You’re just like him. Obviously, he loves you more. He raised you. He doesn’t even know me, and never attempted to know me until I was grown. It’s too late for us. I don’t want anything to do with him. You have my word, if you’ll back off, you’ll never have to worry about me contacting him again.”

There was a long pause.

“Are you still there?” I asked.

“You swear it? You swear you will never talk to him again?”

I exhaled. That was an easy promise to make in return for my daughter’s safety. “I swear.”

“Because if you do, I can get to you. You cut your own throat when you had him thrown in prison. We both know he’s the only thing that could protect you from me.” She hesitated. “If he calls you—”

“If he calls me, I’ll hang up. If he writes me letters,
I’ll destroy them unopened. You don’t want him out of my life any more than I do.”

There was another long pause, then she said, “Fine. Good-bye, Denise.”

Shaken, I held the phone for a moment even after I heard the click. Then I took a deep breath and called Elizabeth’s house. Grady answered.

“Necie!” he said. “Are you okay? Where are you? I tried to call the hospital—”

“I’m standing here watching our house burn.”

“What?” he said. “You’re joking!”

“I’ve just spent the past five minutes trying to pacify that psychotic bitch you slept with, and now I’m standing here shivering on the sidewalk and watching it burn. I’m not in a joking mood.”

“Necie, slow down. What are you saying?”

“What I’m saying is, it’s gone. It’s all gone. You’ll probably be getting a visit from the arson investigator tomorrow.”

“What?” Grady squeaked. “Necie, you have to believe me, I didn’t—”

“I know you didn’t. It was her.” I massaged my throbbing temple. “I hope you have an alibi.”

“I do! I was in court today, and I had a meeting with my AA sponsor and the LCL guy right after. I’ve only been home a few minutes.”

“How’s that going?” I asked.

“Ah, you know … I’m trying. I hope you can be-lieve
that.” He cleared his throat. “But about the fire … how do you know it was her?”

I glanced up and found Dave and a cop staring at me. “I’ll tell you later, okay? I only wanted to check on Abby—”

“She’s fine. Mom’s feeling better, and we’re taking care of her.”

“I’ll start looking for an apartment tomorrow. Can you keep her for another day or two, until I find something?”

“She’s my daughter, Necie. Of course, I can.” Hurt tinged his voice. “Unless you don’t trust me with her.”

“You’re a good father, Grady, when you’re not drinking. I know you love her.”

“I do,” he said softly. “What about you? Where are you going to stay tonight? You’re welcome here.”

“Your mother would love that.”

I heard the smile in his voice. “She would, wouldn’t she? But she’d get over it. Do you need money?”

“I’m okay. But thanks for offering. Can I speak to Abby for a sec?”