Not Quite Perfect (24 page)

‘No, it’s bloody not!’ cries Emma. ‘I’ve ballsed up everything with Martin. I’ve made such a fool of myself and him. I’ll probably never get married or have children and now Dad’s lying in hospital and he might die!’ she says through a veil of snot and tears.

‘Well, I have to say, little sis, you’re unlikely to ever find another boyfriend with that amount of mucus streaming down your face.’

Emma snorts with weak laughter, grateful to her sister for trying to stop the onslaught of emotion but it’s short-lived as she starts to cry again. Rachel holds her by the shoulders.

‘Listen to me, Em. Since when did Edward Darcy ever give up on anything?’

‘Never?’ says Emma sounding unconvinced.

‘Precisely,’ says Rachel. ‘Like he’s going to leave us now with all our problems.’ Emma gives her sister a quizzical look but Rachel doesn’t want to dwell on her problems at this moment. ‘Anyway, you will get married. I’m not having you left on the shelf. You’ll only come and live with us and that would be bloody awful. I’d kill you within a week!’ Emma laughs. Rachel pulls her sister to her. ‘Everything will be fine,’ she says, hoping and praying that this is true.

‘Good morning!’ sings the cheerful Asian nurse as she picks her way through the assorted sleeping bodies on the floor. ‘Ooh, quite crowded in here!’ She picks up Edward’s chart and casts her eye over the monitors and tubes. Then she scribbles on the notes and says, ‘Doctor be here soon.’

Steve, Rachel and Emma all start to unfold themselves, stretching out their aching limbs. Diana is still motionless in the chair watching Edward, and Emma wonders if she has been like this all night.

‘Right, why don’t I fetch us some breakfast?’ says Steve. Rachel smiles at him but notices that he doesn’t catch her eye.

‘I’ll come with you,’ says Emma. ‘What does everyone want?’ They are all waiting for Diana to answer but she doesn’t move or seem to have heard.

Rachel kneels in front of her mother. ‘Mum?’ Diana blinks and looks down her daughter as if seeing her for the first time. ‘Do you want some breakfast? Maybe a cup of tea and a croissant?’ says Rachel gently.

Diana sighs. ‘I’m not eating anything from that cafeteria. Pat Burley came in here for a knee operation and her husband caught food poisoning from their toad-in-the-hole.’ Rachel exchanges an amused glance with her sister. ‘It’s not funny, Rachel,’ says her mother. She looks at Steve. ‘I’ll just have a cup of tea, thank you, Steve.’

When they are gone, Rachel goes to the window and looks out at the car park below. The day is grey and unpromising. There are lots of spaces but cars are darting in by the dozen, laying claim to the precious parking spots. Rachel turns to look at her mother unsure of how to start the conversation. She tries for an easy option.

‘So, did you manage to get any sleep last night?’

Diana’s eyes are back on Edward’s. ‘Rachel, look!’

Rachel looks over at her father and can see his head moving ever so slightly, his eyelids flickering into life. They rush to his side.

‘Edward! Edward, can you hear me?’ implores Diana, reaching out for him. Edward’s eyes open slightly and he catches sight of his wife.

‘Is there any tea?’ he whispers in a parched voice.

Rachel and Diana laugh and Diana touches his cheek. ‘You horrible man. How dare you scare us all like that?’ she says. The door swings open and the doctor from last night walks in.

‘Goodness, you’ve had a long night,’ says Rachel by way of greeting. The doctor smiles and doesn’t disagree.

‘Good morning,’ she says, ‘and good morning Mr Darcy. How are you feeling today?’

‘Thirsty,’ says Edward. The doctor nods and starts to examine him. Rachel feels a little self-conscious but is compelled to stay and distracts herself by looking at the hand-washing instructions on the wall. When the doctor has finished she gives a little cough. Rachel and Diana turn to face her.

‘As I told you last night, this was a sizeable heart attack.’

‘What did I miss?’ says Emma bustling into the room, cups in hand. ‘Dad! You’re awake!’ she cries thrusting the cups into her sister’s hand and flinging herself at him.

‘Careful, Emma!’ cries Diana.

‘Sorry,’ says Emma, and then to the doctor, ‘sorry.’

‘That’s quite all right. As I was saying, it was a sizeable heart attack and there will be some resultant tissue damage. However, it is a good sign that you are already regaining consciousness Mr Darcy. The next twenty-four hours will be crucial but I’m very pleased to see you’re awake. I’ll tell the nurses and then hand you over to my colleague, Dr Assan.’

Diana smiles proudly at her husband. ‘Thank you, Doctor, thank you so much,’ she says.

Rachel follows the doctor out of the room. ‘Thank you again, Doctor.’

The doctor looks at Rachel, her face serious. ‘It’s good that your father is making such speedy progress but we’re not out of the woods yet. He’s obviously a fit and healthy man.’

‘Yes and he knows how angry my mother would be if he left us now,’ jokes Rachel and then wishes she hadn’t.

The doctor smiles again. ‘I’m sure. If you have any questions or concerns, just ask one of the nurses to page Dr Assan.’

Rachel nods and darts back into the room, which has now taken on something of a party atmosphere with Emma and Diana perched on the bed and Steve standing by Edward’s head board telling him the football results from the previous night. Rachel goes to her dad and kisses him on the cheek.

‘How are you feeling?’ she asks.

‘As if your children have been jumping on me all night,’ says Edward hoarsely.

Rachel smiles. ‘You gave us quite a shock, Dad. We expect this level of drama from Emma, but not you.’

‘Shut up cow-bag,’ says Emma but she is smiling.

‘And how my favourite patient?’ says the nurse from earlier, who has appeared through the door. ‘Very nice to see you awake, Mr Darcy. I get you some water and then we take it from there, OK? You need anything, you just call, OK?’

‘Thank you, Connie,’ says Edward, and Connie smiles at him.

After she has gone, Diana chuckles. ‘Edward Darcy, you’re such a flirt. I’ll let you off, but only today.’

Edward tries to look innocent. ‘You have to be nice to the nurses, my darling. They are modern-day angels and anyway, you do know I only have eyes for you, don’t you?’

‘Oh stop it,’ says Diana with a giggle.

Rachel and Emma roll their eyes at one another and laugh. They eat their breakfast and sip their tea perched around Edward’s bed. It reminds Rachel in a strange way of Christmas morning when they would all pile into their parent’s room. After opening their presents, their mother would make toast and let them eat it in their bed for a treat, ‘but only if you put the crumbs on Daddy’s side’. If today’s situation weren’t so terrifying, thinks Rachel, it would actually be lovely and one of the rare occasions she gets to spend time on her own with Emma and her parents.

‘Right,’ says Steve, brushing toast crumbs from his chin. ‘I better call work and let them know what’s going on. Shall I give Sue a buzz?’

Rachel nods. ‘Yes please and ask her if she’s OK to have the twins today and thank her and tell her I owe her.’

Steve goes off to make his phone calls and Emma turns to her mother. ‘Mum, why don’t you go and freshen up. We’ll stay here with Dad, won’t we Rach?’

‘‘Course,’ says her sister.

Diana looks over at Edward, unsure and a little frightened. ‘You go, my darling. I’m not going anywhere,’ he says.

‘All right, but I won’t be long,’ says Diana plucking her handbag from the floor. ‘I’m just going to powder my nose,’ she adds which causes Emma to nudge her sister in amusement. When Diana has gone the girls sit either side of their father. He looks inquiringly at them.

‘So, how are my girls? Did you sort out your problems with Martin and Steve?’

Rachel and Emma exchange glances and using quick-thinking sibling telepathy, decide to lie.

‘Everything’s fine, Dad. Isn’t it, Em?’

‘Absolutely,’ says Emma. ‘Very fine.’ Rachel frowns at her unconvincing reply.

‘You never were very good liars, were you girls?’ says Edward with a smile.

‘Oh Dad, I’ve made such a mess of everything!’ cries Emma flinging herself at his chest.

Rachel shakes her head in annoyance. ‘Emma, this is hardly the time!’

Emma sits back, wiping her face with the back of her hand. ‘No, probably not. Sorry, Dad.’

‘Don’t be silly. What have I told you a hundred times? I just want you to be happy.’ The girls nod. ‘And I can see that you’re patently not, but do you know what I also see?’ Emma and Rachel look at him expectantly. ‘I see the solution to your worries right in front of you. Do you? You just have to take the courage to admit what they are. The secret to a happy life isn’t actually that complicated. Do you know one of my favourite things in life?’

‘Fiona Bruce?’ quips Rachel.

Edward chuckles. ‘Well, she is rather special, isn’t she? No, I tell you what it is. It’s when you watch those wonderful children of yours, Rachel, when they don’t know you’re watching them.’ Rachel nods. ‘They get so absorbed in their little worlds and nothing else matters. They are just content in the moment, rather than looking for the next thing. Do you see? I know that life gets taken over by life sometimes, we all have to pay our bills and battle along, but strip it all away and what are you left with?’

Diana has come back into the room now closely followed by Steve. Rachel and Emma wish they could talk more but the moment has passed.

‘How was Sue?’ she asks Steve.

‘Fine, she says you don’t owe her a thing and she is happy to have the kids but that Alfie has been a bit upset this morning.’

‘Oh, right.’ Rachel looks round at her father.

‘You should go and sort out the little man,’ says Edward. ‘Tell him that grandpa sends him a big squeeze.’

Rachel feels a bit shaky and teary. ‘OK, but you have to give it to me to pass on to him,’ she says, putting her arms around her father and holding him close.

‘Don’t be so hard on yourself, wonderful girl,’ he whispers. Rachel stands up and wipes her eyes.

Steve pats Edward’s shoulder. ‘I’ll tape the game for you tonight,’ he says.

Edwards nods and smiles. ‘Thanks Steve.’

As they open the door to leave, Martin appears.

‘Hi, Mart,’ says Steve shaking his hand. ‘I gave Martin a call,’ he adds to Emma by way of an explanation. ‘Right, I’ll take Rach home and we’ll be back later, OK?’

Martin watches them go and stands in the doorway looking awkward.

‘It’s good to see you, Mart,’ says Edward breaking the silence.

‘I had to come when Steve called me. I wanted to check you were OK and see if there was anything I could do to help.’

Emma is watching him, unsure of what to say.

‘Well, you could take Emma home to get a change of clothes,’ says Diana.

‘Oh. Right. Yes of course,’ says Martin.

‘There’s no need. Really,’ says Emma feeling cornered.

‘Look, I am perfectly capable of looking after your father. I have been doing it for forty years. You go and come back later.’

‘And you’ll call me if anything happens?’

‘Of course but everything will be fine now, won’t it, Edward?’

‘The grim reaper wouldn’t dare call with your mother standing guard,’ says Edward. ‘You go and remember what I said, Em?’

‘OK,’ she says finally. ‘But I’ll be back in a couple of hours.’ She hugs her father tightly and she and Martin say their goodbyes. They walk down the long corridor towards the exit in silence. This doesn’t really seem like the time for small talk, which is a shame as it would have made them both feel less awkward.

‘My car is over there,’ says Martin. They drive in renewed silence until Martin says, ‘I’m really sorry about your dad. I was so shocked to hear he’d had a heart attack. He’s so fit and healthy.’

‘Yes, it’s all a big shock,’ says Emma feeling as if she’s delivering a line in a play and not doing it particularly well. She doesn’t know what topic of conversation to follow with Martin. Anything from ‘How are you?’ to ‘What have you been up to?’ seems inadequate and very likely to lead to more uncomfortable topics. She opts for the uncomfortable silence studying the grey, drizzly view, mulling over what her father has said. She knows she’s been a fool but she can’t quite face the truth today. Once they reach the house, she is ready to leap from the car. She gathers her belongings and ventures a glance at Martin.

‘Thank you for bringing me home. It was above and beyond the call of duty in the circumstances.’

‘I’m very fond of your Dad,’ says Martin by way of an explanation.

Ouch
, thinks Emma,
but I probably deserved that
. She gets out of the car and leans back to say. ‘I’ll see you.’

Martin nods but doesn’t smile, turning back to face the road and driving away. Emma lets herself into a cold house. She dumps her bags and goes into the kitchen; flicking the switch on the kettle, firing up the boiler and turning on the radio, wanting to blot out the silence. She goes to the fridge to retrieve some milk and as she closes the door she picks off a photo of them all together at her parents’ the previous Christmas complete with the obligatory paper hats. Steve is caught in mid-run having set the timer but not made it back to his place in time. Everyone else is looking at him and laughing, except for Edward, who sits at the centre with Alfie on his lap and Lily standing on his other side, her arms wrapped protectively around his neck. Edward is staring out of the picture: smiling, warm and utterly content. Emma hugs the photo to her and cries and cries with noisy, longing sobs.

‘And did I tell you about Doreen?’ says Diana, not waiting for her husband to answer. ‘She’s had a terrible time. Her daughter-in-law has run off –’ Diana pauses for dramatic effect and then leans in and whispers ‘ – with another woman!’ Edward smirks at his wife, his eyebrows raised. ‘What?’ says Diana. ‘It’s no laughing matter, Edward.’

‘Of course not, my darling,’ says Edward, still grinning. ‘But it does make for rather splendid gossip, doesn’t it?’

Diana looks horrified. ‘I do not gossip!’ she declares, but her face breaks into a smile as she realises she’s being teased. ‘Much.’ Diana never minds when her husband teases her and particularly not today. He is the man who stopped her taking herself too seriously and she loves him for it. She looks at him now, looking so poorly and pale, but Diana Darcy is a woman with determination. She also sees the twinkle in his eye and clings onto this as proof that all will be well. She perches on the side of the bed and reaches out a hand to stroke his forehead. ‘Darling Edward,’ she murmurs.

‘Dearest Dis. Why don’t you lie down with me, darling? You look exhausted,’ he says.

Diana feels a little unsure, as if this would be vaguely inappropriate despite their forty years of marriage, two daughters and advanced years. She remembers a time when her mother had caught them cuddling on the sofa when they were newly engaged. She sees her mother’s angry, unforgiving face in her mind and it gives her courage. She slides herself next to Edward, careful not to disturb the wires and tubes that are helping him to live. Edward puts his arms around her.

‘That’s better,’ he declares.

‘I’m never going to forgive you for this,’ says Diana gently kissing his cheek.