Read Mr. Big Online

Authors: Colleen Lewis,Jennifer Hicks

Mr. Big (9 page)

26

Nelson wasn't the partner or father Jennifer had hoped for. But she never gave up on the idea of having the perfect family for her girls. They deserved it.

But there was one more thing she needed to complete her family.

“You know, Nelson, I wonder what the girls will think as they grow up and realize that my last name is Hicks, and yours is Hart?” Jennifer asked. “How do we explain that to them? That's not the way it's supposed to be.”

As he always did, whenever she brought up marriage, Nelson found a reason to leave the room. It was a scenario that played out many times for Jennifer for months, so she was astounded when Nelson finally decided to propose one day that winter. There wasn't anything romantic. In fact, Jennifer could barely recall how he had asked, but she was glad he did. For her, this was the first step in becoming a real family.

“Who will you invite?” asked Jennifer. “We've got plenty of relatives who'll want to go.”

“There won't be any invitations,” he said. “We'll be getting married at the courthouse, or we won't be getting married at all.”

It wasn't what Jennifer wanted to hear. The girls would be having their first birthday in a month, and Nelson was clear. He wanted the wedding done and over with before then.

“I would like to have a wedding dress and get married in a church,” Jennifer protested. “Why can't we wait till the girls are a little bit older? Imagine how beautiful they would look as flower girls.”

“Well, that's not the way it's going to be, and there isn't enough money for a dress, either,” said Nelson.

Nelson's attitude toward getting married made it difficult for Jennifer to get excited about the ceremony. To her that's all it would be, a ceremony. They certainly weren't planning anything special, let alone spectacular.

One would expect the big day would approach quickly with so many things to do, but for Jennifer the day came upon her like any other. However, there were important details she was concerned about. She wanted to look good, and she had no idea what she would wear.

Perhaps the dress she had worn to Susan's wedding? She pulled the dress down from the closet, noticing that it looked frayed and aged. But it would have to do.

She pulled the dress up around her hips and realized there was no way this was going to work. The dress was simply too small.

“What am I going to do?” she asked Susan. “Nelson isn't going to give me any money, and the only thing that I have in my closet that's respectable is way too small.”

“Come on over, let's see what I have,” Susan said. Jennifer prayed there would be something in her sister's closet.

She pulled out a dress Jennifer had seen Susan wear many times before. Jennifer knew as soon as she looked at the dress that it wouldn't fit, either. She tried it on, as a last hope, but no matter how badly she wanted it to fit, there was just no way.

“That's the only dress I have,” said Susan. “I'm sorry, Jennifer.”

The day of her wedding didn't exceed her expectations, and it didn't even meet them. It was a day much like any other.

She got up, fed and bathed the girls, and did her chores as usual. She took some extra time with her makeup and hair, but she left the house wearing her best jeans and T-shirt. Even her best jeans weren't a good pair, but she refused to be sad on what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of her life.

Susan was already at the courthouse when she got there. Her three beautiful nieces were there as well.

At least I've got my family here
, she thought.

They walked into the judge's office, and Jennifer was the first to sign the legal document. Then Nelson.

They were married. It was as simple as that. There was no honeymoon. The next morning was the same as any other. She was feeding the girls breakfast when Nelson called out.

“I need my black T-shirt!”

“Give me a minute. Karen needs something to drink,” Jennifer replied.

“You're my wife now,” he said. “And you'll do what I want, when I want.”

Jennifer got the T-shirt without a word, and Nelson got dressed. She sat at the table with the girls, and in her mind she could hardly believe he had said those words. They hadn't been married for twenty-four hours, and he was clear, she was now his.

As Nelson was putting on his shoes, he made an announcement.

“I'm going and I won't be back.”

“Where the hell are you going, my son?” she asked. He left the apartment without giving her an answer.

Jennifer was stunned by the change in him, but she was happy to see him leave the house that morning. Initially she believed he wouldn't be gone long. With the girls' birthday just three days away, she had plenty to keep her busy without him being around with his own demands. But she also needed money, and Nelson had taken that with him, of course.

Afternoon came and went, with still no sign of Nelson, which wasn't uncommon these days. Jennifer believed he was spending more and more time playing the slot machines at the bar.

But when he failed to show up that night, she started to worry.

She was worried he might have had a seizure, or something might have happened to him. But she had plenty more than Nelson to worry about.

The cupboards were empty. There were only a handful of diapers left in the box.

She also needed to buy something for the girls' birthday, and of course birthdays came with extra expenses. Even though gifts and cake were out of the question, she needed the money that was in Nelson's pocket. She longed to give them the birthday they deserved.

But another night passed, and Jennifer was starting to believe that the man she had married two days ago had abandoned them.

“I don't know where to turn,” Jennifer told Mervin on the phone. Mervin was Nelson's brother. Unlike Nelson, he was worried about Jennifer and the kids. There were many times Jennifer could only wonder why Nelson wasn't more like his brother. Mervin loved his children and was a good provider for his family.

“I've called around, and it seems like no one has seen him since the wedding.”

“Well, if he isn't home tonight, I'll make sure you and the girls are okay,” he said.

Jennifer was relieved. At least Mervin could drive her to the food bank, and perhaps even lend her the money for diapers.

As she feared, Nelson didn't come home for the third night.

The next morning, she called Mervin again.

“Don't worry about it,” he said. “Just give me a couple of hours and we'll be down to give the girls a birthday party. I don't know what the hell is wrong with my brother. He isn't thinking of anyone but himself.”

Mervin showed up that evening with a birthday cake and a meal of fried chicken. He had gifts for each of the girls.

“You really saved the girls' birthday,” Jennifer told him. “Thanks again, Mervin, you've been so good to us. We've certainly needed plenty of help from you over the past year.”

The day ended on a happy note, but Jennifer couldn't get to sleep. For the fourth night there was no word from Nelson.

Two days later, he strolled into the apartment like nothing had ever happened.

“Where the hell were you?”

“I was in Quebec.”

That was all Nelson would say that day. Jennifer screamed at him to find out why he had left, but he simply walked away.

27

Nelson had promised not to do another disappearing act, but he wasn't around much, either. Jennifer was always busy with the girls, and she believed he was spending his time gambling.

The tension between him and his mother was escalating, reaching the point where they began arguing over the smallest things.

The last time she stopped by for a visit, the arguing got out of control.

“If you guys can't stop this, you're not going to be able to visit here,” Jennifer said in the middle of a particularly bad argument. “I've got two youngsters here, and I don't want them listening to these rackets.”

The biggest arguments usually took place later. Those were the times Nelson took out his frustrations on Jennifer.

“Why do you keep asking her over here?” asked Nelson.

“She's your mother, and if you want her to leave, you'll be the one to tell her,” Jennifer said.

Jennifer was desperate for a change. So, when Nelson talked about moving into St. John's, Jennifer thought it might not be such a bad idea.

“At least in there I won't have to listen to you and your mother,” she said. And deep down she was hoping the gambling would slow down as well.

It didn't take long before they had applied for public housing in St. John's and got word that their application was approved. The girls were one and a half years old when they packed up a U-Haul and made the big move 400 kilometres away to the province's capital city.

Jennifer was used to growing up in a small town, and sometimes even Gander, with a population of 10,000 people, seemed too big. She wasn't sure whether she'd like living in the city, but she was willing to give it a try.

Shortly after they passed the city limits of St. John's, they drove around the corner from a busy street to a group of several large apartment complex buildings. It seemed to her the traffic was moving ten times faster than she was used to, and there were people everywhere she looked.

As they got out of the truck in front of their building, Jennifer noticed two men smoking cigarettes over the open hood of an old truck.

But, she wasn't interested in much else at the moment than getting settled into the comfort of her own apartment. She started to move the girls' items up to their second floor, while Nelson made his way over to meet the new neighbours. It wasn't long before the two men were helping to carry their furniture and belongings up the stairs.

The new apartment was nice. It was a little bigger than she thought, and at least it had two bedrooms.

But on her first night there, Jennifer couldn't sleep. The sound of the city vibrated through the room. She couldn't stop herself from hearing the sounds of the traffic and the coming and going of neighbours all night long.

It was a long way from her quiet life in Gander, and she hoped they had made the right choice for the girls.

28

In a matter of days, they had settled in nicely. There wasn't much food in the cupboard because they had spent most of their money on the move. But Nelson had managed to land the first job Jennifer had ever known him to have.

“One of the guys next door got me the job,” he announced one evening. “I'll have to work nights, but it pays pretty good. All you need to do is tell the welfare that we're broke up, and I'll keep the money.”

Jennifer looked at the girls, and then to the refrigerator she knew was nearly empty. She hoped this could be a way to a better life, where she didn't have to worry about whether or not Nelson would give her the money to buy groceries and diapers every month. She was getting tired of having to rely on the food bank once a week, and getting around in the city wasn't as easy.

Christmas would be here before long, and she wanted the extra money to make sure it was a good one for the girls.

Being alone every evening wasn't the ideal situation, but then, she was used to Nelson not being around. When he was home there were arguments, so she was happy to spend time with Karen and Krista alone. Everyone was a little happier that way.

“Hello,” said Jennifer, picking up the phone.

“Hey, sister,” said Susan. “How are things in the big city?”

“Great. It's a lot more hectic than Gander, but I'm getting used to it,” said Jennifer. “Would you believe Nelson has a job?”

“Really? Doing what?”

“He's cleaning apartment buildings. Pretty much gone every night.”

“Are you sure he isn't out spending money on those friggin' VLTs?” asked Susan. “And what about you and the girls? Is he giving you enough money to live on, or is he still taking it all for himself?”

“Well, he gives me what he can. But he says there isn't much left over from the move,” said Jennifer.

“Oh, Jennifer, be careful out there,” said Susan. “If you ever need anything, call me, and I'll help you any way I can. Love you.”

“Love you, too, Susan. Don't worry, everything's okay.”

Jennifer went back to cleaning the apartment with a heavy heart. She missed having her family close by, and it seemed she was alone all the time now.

Fortunately, she had met a woman on the first floor whom she had grown close to, and she even offered to babysit the girls now and again. But it wasn't the same as being home. She missed having people around.

She grabbed the vacuum cleaner and headed into her bedroom to give it a good cleaning before Christmas. She wanted to clean behind the furniture, but she wasn't sure she could move it alone. Who knew when Nelson would get home? And then he probably wouldn't want to help her, anyway.

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