Authors: K.M. Liss

Lust (10 page)

“Oh Sean, I don't know...” I sigh, weakening rapidly.

“I wish I could have waited a few more days, so we knew each other better, but I wanted Maxine to be here and she has an urgent assignment in Sydney. She's leaving tomorrow. I'm sorry to spring it on you so soon after everything, but I needed to get this on the table today.”

I puff out a noisy breath.

“I really can't think straight. I need a little time to digest all this.”

“I know, and I understand. I'll take you home. But why wouldn't you want to do this? Ask yourself that? We can discuss all the terms tomorrow and I think you'll be very impressed.”

“Can I come and see you, in my lunch hour?”

“I'd love that. Try to get a long lunch break.” he says with a grin.

We both get dressed, and he takes my hands in his, his eyes burning into mine.

“Even if the answer's no, if you're not comfortable with it, I still want to see you again.” He tucks my hair behind my ear and his warm smile touches my heart.“And now we ought to see Maxine. She'll be wondering what's going on.”

He pats my ass as I leave the bedroom before him. I really love him doing that.

Maxine nods her head here and there, as we all discuss what's going to happen. We walk to the door with her and she turns to face us.

“You really are in the best of hands with Sean and I. We know exactly what we're doing and you'll get a really good deal. I think you should consider how lucky you are, rather than being concerned about how all this came about,” Maxine makes her point in a straightforward manner. And although my head's in a whirl, I respect her, for her honesty, and I do believe her. She air-kisses my cheeks and squeezes my waist. After a mutual hug and kiss goodbye with Sean, she disappears out the door.

It's a little past nine as he drives me home, and I stare out the window in a mind-blown daze. I go over and over it all. Every word and look he has ever given me. Every touch of his fingers and lips scorches my memory.

A stream of questions flood my brain. Does he really see me in more than the physical sense? What if he changes his mind about that after a few weeks? Am I just a short term infatuation? Supposing I fall in love with him and it all goes horribly wrong? Can I even do this? Sean and Maxine seem to think I can, but I have a lot of self doubt. I'm not naturally comfortable with nakedness. The money is a very big temptation. Should I carry on struggling independently and hoping to get a job somewhere? Or should I take a chance with Sean and Maxine and very probably earn a great deal more? This could give me a big helping hand in life. It might even be fun.

I'm leaning toward a positive decision.

As he wraps his arms around me, and kisses me goodnight in the car, I stop thinking for a moment. My brain clears of worries and concerns as I'm caught up in physical rapture.

I finally force myself out of his arms and go inside.

It's decision time.

I need a quiet hour or two to get my head straight.

I wander into my bedroom and lay down, wearily, curling up. I scrunch the duvet in my hand, seeking comfort in its soft downy texture.

A half hour later, I've come to my decision, and I'm tired with all the consideration it has taken to get there. I start to doze. My cell phone bleeps and I roll over to pick it out of my purse on the nightstand.

Sean has sent me a message.

- Miss you already. Night, beautiful. xxx

My heart flips.

I'm about to reply, in similar style, when I notice another message. One received ages ago. At a time when I was very much otherwise occupied.

It's from Charlotte.

I sit up and read it.

- Jase told me you went to Sean's place during our party. How could you do that? I must mean nothing to you. I fucking hate you. You bitch.

I gasp out loud as tears fill my eyes. Guilt and misery swamp me.

Despite that, I try to consider where I stand.

Nothing I can do, say or think, will change the fact that I broke the girl code.

But I never stole him from her, because Sean wasn't ever hers.

And I did try to fight my attraction to him. My assault was a direct result of that. I was trying to escape him and the position I was in. But once that event had happened, it was like a runaway train.

Charlie's behavior was hardly friendly, was it? I'm pretty sure she initiated things with Jase, and she only slept with him to annoy and spite me.

She's wrong, in what she said, because she did mean a lot to me, the guilt I'm feeling now is the measure of that. But in truth, I'm not sure I meant quite so much to her.

I'm dreading seeing her tomorrow. It's not going to be a great experience, working alongside Charlie all day, under such a dark emotional cloud.

One thing's for certain. I've lost my best friend. I really don't know if we can get past this or not, or even if want to.

And it all hurts so bad.