King Sized Beds and Happy Trails (Beds Series) (14 page)

Ryan
has ignored me all day. I didn’t imagine it. He did that duck and dive to a corner move. He pulls that crap on people like Sean not me.

When he was talking
to Nate he was doing everything in his power to not look in my direction. I didn’t do anything wrong. He’s the one who never answered the phone last night and left me stranded in a room that should be condemned.

And when h
is eyes glanced away from Nate’s for a second, that’s all I needed to grab hold of them. I raised my eyebrows, tilted my head in my “what’d I do?” face and pouted my lip.

The
thing about Ryan, he sucks at Poker Face. But right then. I had nothing. He was as stoned face as I’ve ever seen him. My pouty lip didn’t even make him crack.

If he want
ed to play it that way then fine. I stomped toward him, eyes still gripping his. He wasn’t going to dodge me. No way.

But l
ike a solar eclipse Ryan disappeared. And I was blocked by a six-foot wall.

“Sean, hi.
I was just—” Before I could finish my sentence his hands grabbed my shoulders and his lips pressed into mine.

And now I’m here thinking, “What the hell is happening
?!”

I try to break free of his grip and pull away but his hands are like padlocks.

I spent countless dreams on this moment. Envisioning every scenario when Sean Dixon would finally freaking kiss me. No matter if we were in the parking lot of Skippy Lee’s or on a deserted island, every time, my legs would become weak, and he’d hold me against his strong chest. It’d be less juicy and more…I don’t know, romantic. I’d grip his biceps, and they would flex under my touch and…Holy crap!

I run my hands up his chest and
push, trying to break the slobber that’s making its way around the corners of my lips. I go to speak, but am cut off by his tongue plunging into my mouth.

This entire trip has been one disaster after another. I let the anger of the week pass through me and channel it into my hands. With a
force I didn’t know I possess, I push Sean until he stumbles away.

“What the hell
?!” I scream then notice every person in the rec room staring at me.

Everyone
except for one.

I watch as the door swings shut
, and Ryan disappears into the snow.

Who
knows what’s going through his mind? I need to get to him. I turn to run after him when Sean’s hand wraps around my wrist and pulls me close.

“Why would you do that?” I ask when I’m face to face with him.

“You told me I could if I found your ring.”

“You don’t just go up to a girl and kiss her with no warnin
g…Wait.” Did he just say what I think he said? “You found my ring?”

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the only thing I have left of my father. Tears build in my eyes, relief and sadness overtake me
, and I throw my arms around his neck.

For days I thought I would never see it again. I imagined the worst. Lost in a snow bank where it would stay forever, down the drain into a sewage plant
, eaten by a moose. But somehow, Sean found it.

My arms loosen from his neck. I need to see it. I need proof that
it’s real. It’s as if he can read my mind because once my hands fall from his neck, he unravels his fingers to reveal my ring.

“I can’t believe it.” I take it from his palm and study it. The color
starts to change as soon as it’s in my hand, and a smile spreads across my face. It’s my ring.

Ryan and I looked everywhere. Nate and Kaylee when they weren’t locked to each other’s lips looked too. We retraced my steps. Every single step I took with not an ounce of luck.

“Where’d you find it?” I ask, needing to know where I neglected to search.

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is you have it back
, and I have you.” He wraps his arm around me and pulls me against his side. This was not in the deal. Did we even have a deal?

I shove his side to get his attention, but mainly to get some distance between us. “No really where’d you find it?”

“Uh, by the sauna.”

The sauna? I didn’t even know there was a sauna here. Why would my ring be somewhere I never was?

Sean takes my hand in his. “Here let me put it back where it belongs.” With his other hand, he takes my ring. “First we need to get rid of this piece of junk.” His fingers reach down to the ring Ryan gave me.

“No!” I scream. His eyes dart to mine
, and he stumbles back.

When I first lost my ring
, I’d do anything to get it back. My pinky was bare, and it felt wrong like a part of me was missing. Then Ryan slid this quarter machine ring to hold its place, and that piece of me came back.

Little by little the fear of never seeing my
dad’s ring again faded. I didn’t need it. I had something better.

“What’s the matter?” Sean asks. I look down at the ring between his two fingers and step back.

“I don’t want it.”

Sean’s face scrunches
. “What do you mean you don’t want it?”

A
ll I had to remember my dad was that ring. And that’s the problem. I don’t want to remember him anymore. He left. When he walked away from my mother, he walked away from me too.

For years I held onto hope he’
d come back. At Christmas I would stare out the window for hours, hoping, praying he felt the need to see me as strongly as I felt it for him. And he would show up, and we could be a family again.

He never came.

I got through those sad times. Because Ryan was there. All along I was holding onto the past that does nothing but make me angry and fill me with self doubt. I don’t want that ring because I don’t want to look to the past anymore.

I want to rid myself of all those horrible memories, only remembering the good ones.

Ryan.

“I don’t want it,” I say again and take another step back.

“But you don’t know what I went through to get it.”

“You said you found it by the sauna. What’d you have to go through?”

He blinks away, and I see it. A lie. He’ll say and do anything to get what he wants. How did I not see this before? He can’t even look me in the eye.

Sean
is nothing more than a disappointment. I put them both on pedestals, thinking they were the greatest thing since nail polish. I couldn’t have been more wrong. 

My ring was never near the sauna because he wasn’t the one who found it.

But I know who did.

There’s not enough alcohol in this tiny fridge to get me as plastered as I want to be.
There were two tiny bottles, and I downed them both. But I’m still sober enough to remember everything from today. Everything from this week. How I allowed myself to think for a second—longer than a second—that Lex was feeling the same things I was.

A burp rumbles up my throat and the aftertaste almost makes me spew my stomach out all over the floor. Reaching over to my bag, I grab the case of
TicTacs I stupidly bought yesterday at the lodge, thinking things were escalating to the point where I’d kiss my best friend. Screw that. She’ll never see me more than just Ryan.

I pop
the entire case in my mouth, and chew them up. It burns my nose and throat for a second, but it’s nowhere near all the pain I’m feeling in my chest.

I jam
all the empty bottles back in the fridge then slam the door shut. I pound my head against the wall, as if that will erase all the stupid crap going on up there.

So much for telling Lex exactly how I feel about Sean. She did what she always does. Runs right into his arms and leaves me waiting to pick up the pieces when he breaks her heart. I know I said I’d never mind, but that’s a flat ass lie. It kills me every time with every guy she dates.

I need more alcohol. This shit isn’t cutting it. I crawl across the floor to the bathroom, eyes stinging from holding back all the messed up crap going on everywhere in my body. Why the hell did I give that ring to Sean? Why can’t I grab up my balls and tell Lexie how I feel? Why do I feel like even if I do that, nothing will change?

Slapping my hand on the top of the countertop next to the sink, I fumble around for a glass or something. My thro
at is drying from all the mints. I’m sweaty and so damn depressed I feel like I could drink a Mississippi River full of vodka and still not get as drunk as I need to.

My fingers grasp something round, and I pull it off the counter and it slams in my lap. Mouthwash. I blink a few times to make sure I’m not hallucinating. Usually shit doesn’t go my way, but here I ask for more alcohol and bam, it falls in my lap. Literally.

I untwist the cap and don’t even hesitate to tilt the bottle back. The pungent mint smacks my tongue, and I almost spew it all over the bathroom tile. But I hold it in my mouth, let it soak my teeth, the inside of my cheeks, and let my eyes water because I can’t stop it anymore.

What the hell am I doing?

I could swallow, but it’s not going to help. Paying for her trip didn’t help. Smashing spiders didn’t do it. Spending a week in the same bed did squat. The vodka didn’t do anything either, except leave me with this gaping hole in my gut, and now I feel guilty as hell.

I scurry to the toilet, slam the lid open and let out all the mouthwash. The water goes blue, and I stare at it, wishing I hadn’t hit this point, and really happy Lex isn’t here to see it.

After flushing away my fiftieth mistake on this trip, I crawl back to my spot by the mini fridge and bang my head some more. Maybe it’ll transport me back to Monday, and I can start this week over.

The lock on the door clicks
, and I shut my eyes, shouting as loud as my voice is capable of. “Not in the mood, guys!”

Nate and Kaylee need to go spend their last night like they have the rest of their nights here. And leave me out of the pity party.

The door still opens. The breeze washes my face with ice cold air, and then the door slams shut. I don’t open my eyes.

“Really, I don’t want to—”

“You found it, didn’t you?”

My eyes pop open as I snap my head up. Lex is crossing her arms and giving me that don’t
-lie-to-me stare. She’s got snow speckled through her brown hair, and she’s not wearing a coat. Just a thick sweater that fits her stomach just right. Even looking at me pissed like that, and even with my semi-drunk eyes, she’s hot as hell.

“Uh, what was that?” I try to give her a relaxed half grin, but I don’t think I manage it.

“Don’t play stupid, Ry.” Her arms drop. “You found my ring, and let Sean take credit.”

Nothing. No smart remark. No cocky grin. Nothing. I sit there and say nothing.

“Why would you do that?”

“Uh… I… He… It… Just…
Erm…” I was better off saying nothing.

She huffs, dropping her arms and coming
over to sit next to me. She’s closer than normal, even for our “just friends” status. Hip to hip, thigh to thigh, shoulder to shoulder. She may not think it’s significant touching, but for me, it is.

“Where was it?”

I attempt a smile. “In my pocket. Can you believe that?”

Her laugh floats in my ear and something s
parks through my chest.
Damn it, Ryan! Why do you let her have that effect on you?

“How did that happen?”

Again, I attempt a smirk. “I have a theory.”

“Okay…?”

“Well, did you try to stuff my coat somewhere after you shoved me out the window? You know, when the chaperones came a knockin’.”

She cocks her head, her eyebro
ws pulling together and her cute lip jutting out. Then she smacks her forehead. “Oh my hell, you think
that’s
when it fell in there?”

I shrug. “Just a thought. Unless you were digging through my pockets when I wasn’t looking.”

“No!”

We both laugh at her outburst, and she settles her head on my shoulder. I keep my elbow on my knees, my sweaty hands clasping each other. She doesn’t get it. How touching me even in the smallest of ways makes me want to forget all the just friends crap and just go for it. How her
warmth next to me makes me lose control over my body. How can she not feel the same way? How can she not feel the heat radiating off my face? The restraint I’m showing?

“Why did you let him take credit?”
She’s quiet. Whispering. All jokes aside.

And I shrug, ‘
cause I’m a wuss.

“Ryan…”

Her head leaves my shoulder, and she moves my face so I look at her. She gives me a wide grin. The “please, tell me” smile, and I shake my head, chuckling. This is why we’re friends. Why I love her. Because even when I’m feeling like crap, she makes me feel like I’m worth her attention.

“Well, you said you never felt that way about anyone
.”

“I—”

“And he said he really liked you.” I cut her off because I don’t want to hear her say it again. “He said he wanted to prove it to you because you didn’t believe him or something like that. And I figured since you spent last night with him, you trust him enough, uh, with that, so…” I let the thought drift off, because saying it out loud makes me realize how stupid it all is. How I’m omitting the most important parts of
why
.

“I was snowed in.”

“Huh?”

“That’s why I was with him last night. The storm caused this h
uge snow pile to block the door, and his damn window wouldn’t budge open. I tried calling you a million times, but the phone was busy.” She socks me in the shoulder. “Explain.”

I can’t help but laugh. Bust out and I think I scare her a little. It’s like a stupid sitcom where nothing goes the way it’s supposed to, and when the characters finally figure it out, they look back and see how dumb they were.

“It’s your fault. You made me flirt with that receptionist, who then felt the need to call me every two seconds to warn me about the storm.” I nudge her. “So I unplugged the darn thing.”

“Ha!” She grabs the crook of my arm, and I flex. “It’s like a stupid sitcom.”

Another reason why I love her, we just get each other.

Her head goes back to my shoulder as we calm our laughter, and as we just… be. It’s just us again. Lex and Ryan, best buds and all that junk.

After a few minutes of silence, she sighs, running her fingers down my forearm to rest in my hand. I don’t let her, though. I can’t. Holding her hand—holding her at all—will just make me want more. So I shift, making a real ass of myself.

She sighs again. “I don’t love him.”

My head whips around, and we smack noses. Whoops. Our eyes water as we each cover our faces.

“Sorry,” I say through my fingers. “You okay?”

She nods, letting out another sexy laugh. “No damage done.”

“Um…” There’s no smooth way of bringing the subject back, so I just throw it out there. “You don’t love… I mean… what?”

She smiles, twisting the ring on her pinky. My ring. I panic for a second, wondering what the douche did with the one her dad gave her, but then I see it on her other hand. “I don’t love him. I thought I did, but I totally had the wrong idea of what love is.”

“Yeah?” That’s all I can think of to say.

“Yeah.”

It’s quiet again. Not awkward, but different. She’s got that expression on. The one that tells me she’s got something she wants to tell me, but she doesn’t know how.

“Hey,” I manage to say without touching her, “everything okay?”

She shakes her head, keeping her eyes locked on that ring. “I have to ask you something.”

“Okay…?”

More quiet, but I wait. Not very patiently. My knees start bouncing up and down
, and I scratch the back of my neck a million times before she finally talks.

“Why do you do everything for me?”

Of all the things I thought was going through her brain, I did not expect that.

“What?”

“Seriously, you do everything for me. Every boy who broke my heart, you were there. When I wanted to go on this trip, you found a way. When my mom is too much to handle, you let me crash at your place without asking me anything about it. Because you just know. When I have to walk Brewster, you’re there because that dog will drag me along the sidewalk till I’m nothing but walking road rash.”

“Well—”

“You held me when the nightmares kept me up. You held me when I lost my ring. You spent half your senior trip looking for it. You made me laugh, made me happy, made me forget how crappy my life is back home.”

“Well, I—”

“But it’s not crappy. Not when I’m with you.”

Her eyes flick to me
, and I jump a little when I see what’s there. I know her, this girl. Know her so well I can see exactly what she’s thinking. And this… what I see… it’s been something I’ve wanted from her for so long.

I must be drunker than I thought.

“Why?” she asks again. “Why do you do it all?”

“Because you’re my best friend.” I’m not lying, so I know I’m not doing all that crap that’ll tell her I am.

She kneels in front of me, moving my hands so she can rest between my legs. She’s closer than normal—closer than she should be if she’s dating someone else.

“Ryan…” I’ve always loved the way my name sounds in her voice. “Be honest with me. It isn’t just because I’m your best friend. It’s… more than that, isn’t it?”

My scar starts twitching, my ears shoot up in flames, and I’m sure my face is purple. I
want
to lie. I want to bury it. Bury this conversation because I’m about to lose her and everything I have with her. So I don’t say anything. I sit there like an ass. A not-drunk-enough ass.

She reaches up, and smoothes my eyebrow, stopping the twitch. Then her hands move to the top button on my shirt.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say it.”

“What?” My voice cracks
, and she lets out a nervous giggle.

“It’s more than that for me, too.”

Yup, I must be plastered. This can’t be happening. Lex was with Sean two seconds ago. Kissing him, wrapping around him, wanting him. How can she want this with me? I’ve always been just her friend.

Her fingers slip a bit on my button, but she gets it open, then moves to the next one down. I want to ask her what she’s doing, but I don’t want her to stop. It feels too good, and my heart is pounding in my throat, my entire body is tingling, and my eyes won’t leave hers.

She’s got her two dimpled smile on.

This
is
happening. It’s too real to not be happening. Everything around me goes fuzzy, but all the other sensations heighten. Her fingers moving downward, her cinnamon breath soaking my nostrils… and damn, the way her sweater hugs underneath her breasts and what it does to my body.

My hands are shaking too as I grab her sides and pull her close. She doesn’t flinch, or jump. Her forehead rests against mine, and she’s still smiling.

She unbuttons the last button.

There’s a pause. Either that or time really has stopped. I get why people say that now. Because
everything around us freezes. I’ve stopped breathing. In fact, I don’t think I’ve taken a single breath since she started unbuttoning. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. My best friend, the girl I love, is right here in front of me, ready to be as vulnerable as I want to be with her.