Joyful (24 page)

She hated how he was making it sound as if she was leaving him on purpose. “I need to leave, Randall.”

“Why? Why tomorrow?” Looking at her curiously, he added, “Were you only here because it was a job?”

“Randall, you're making everything so convoluted,” she said impatiently. “I wouldn't have come over here in the first place if you and Levi hadn't asked me to work here. I wouldn't have stayed here out of mere friendship. It would have been a little too awkward, don't you think?”

“Is that all I am to you? A job?”

“You know that's not true. But you're being terribly judgmental and naïve if you think I'm going to forget all about my financial needs. I don't have a group of brothers and sisters who would drop everything at a moment's notice to help. I don't live on a prosperous farm or have lots of money invested wisely. Today when Junior handed me that four hundred dollars? It was the first time I've ever had that much money in my hand. It's certainly the first time in a year that I'm going to actually be able to put something aside.”

He looked away. “I knew things were tough for you, but I didn't realize you were so strapped.”

“How could you?” she asked, knowing that her voice sounded harsh. “After you told me that we couldn't see each other anymore, we never talked until I came here to work for your family.”

“If I had known you needed something, I would have lent you the money.”

“And you think I would have taken it? Oh, Randall. Do you really even know me?”

“I thought I did. I think I do now. I am learning more about you every day. And guess what?”

“What?”

“Elizabeth, I'm glad we are still learning more about each other! It's makes our . . . relationship . . . feel brand-new.”

She'd never thought about it quite like that. “I like it, too.”

“So, does that mean you still like me?”

She stared, struggling with how much she was ready to reveal. Then she noticed how direct his gaze was, how honest. He looked vulnerable and uneasy. He looked exactly the same way she was feeling.

And while she wished that he was making the first move, she also realized that he was trying to protect himself. Here he was, immobile from a broken leg. Unable to reach for her. Unable to do anything but sit and wait for her response.

For the moment—maybe for the first time in their relationship—she was in control. Not him.

Slowly, she nodded. “I do still like you, Randall Beiler. Do you like me?”

“Elizabeth, I think I'm in love with you.” While she gaped at him, he waved an impatient hand. “So where does that leave us?”

“I suppose you are going to have to figure out if you want to court me properly.”

“And how do you think I should do that?”

She waved a hand. “Oh, no. I'm not going to tell you how to court me. You are a smart man, you can figure that out for yourself.”

He groaned, but it was obvious it was all for show. “You drive a hard bargain, Elizabeth.”

“I guess you'll just have to decide if I'm worth the trouble.”

“You've always been worth it. I was the one who wasn't doing enough for you.” Squirming a bit, he murmured, “But you've got me at a disadvantage, you know. I'm stuck in this house for at least a week. And even after that I won't be able to get around easily for a while.”

“How is that a disadvantage?”

He practically rolled his eyes. “Elizabeth, how am I supposed to court you properly while I'm stuck in a cast? I may not be much for romance, but even I know that ain't how to treat a girl properly.”

She didn't even try to hide her smile. “I don't know. But I feel sure and for certain that you'll be able to think of something.”

He held out a hand. “Help me get back to my room?”

Clasping his hand, she nodded. “Of course.”

When they got him to a standing position and were slowly making their way to his bedroom, he looked down at her. “Any chance I'll get a kiss good night?”

“Nope.”

“Not even on the cheek?”

“Not even there,” she said. “You may kiss my cheek when you are courting.”

In reply, he leaned closer and placed his lips on her brow. “
Danke
, Beth.
Danke
for waiting for me. You won't regret it, I promise.”

She had a feeling she already did not.

Her house was so packed full of people, Judith was sure all of their neighbors assumed they were having a grand celebration. The reality couldn't be further from the truth.

Inside, there was enough tension in the room to cut with a knife. Hardly anyone was talking; most of the people were simply staring out the window.

As they had been for the last hour.

Never had the time gone so slowly. They were all awaiting the arrival of Kendra's sisters and their husbands.

Leaning close to her on the hard wooden bench against the wall of the entryway, Ben whispered, “Are you as surprised as I am that everyone came over?”

“
Jah
. I thought maybe Mamm or Daed would want to come over. Never everyone.”

“This is a blessing, it is.”

“To be sure.” When Judith had told her parents Bernie's news, she'd known she'd find support from them. They'd always supported her in any way they could her whole life. But she hadn't expected them to immediately send Anson out on a mission to inform the rest of the family that they would all be needed at Judith and Ben's
haus
in two days' time.

When Judith had learned of the plot, she'd attempted to tell her
mamm
that having her whole family in her keeping room when Kendra's relatives arrived wasn't a good idea. A bunch of Grabers together was an invitation to hear everyone's opinions, whether they had been asked to share or not.

All Judith could think was that her gregarious family would scare off the sisters, not to mention upset baby James. But her mother had waved aside her misgivings in short order.

“Judith, I don't fault Kendra's sisters for wanting to see what kind of place baby James has found himself in. I'm sure they're curious. But if they are coming over to inspect the baby's life with you, then they need to see that James is not being adopted just by you and Ben. He's going to be adopted and loved by the whole family.”

“You don't think we might be a bit, ah, overwhelming?”

Her mother had looked completely confused by the question. “And why would anyone think that?”

And just like that, she'd given in. Two days ago, Judith had been too overwhelmed to argue much. Especially when in the next breath her mother had begun to plan what they would be serving to the guests.

Any and all comments from Judith about how maybe they didn't need to serve a complete Amish dinner were ignored.

Now, as she looked around at Joshua, Gretta, and their two boys; Caleb and Rebecca; her parents; Anson; Toby; and little Maggie; and even Tim and Clara and their babies, Judith realized she'd never felt more blessed.

She'd also never felt more like it had been the right decision. James was currently chewing on an icy washcloth and playing with the edge of her mother's gray dress. He was dressed in tiny blue slacks and a little pale blue shirt. In his lap was a stuffed horse, which was his new favorite toy.

He looked Amish. He looked adorable.

As if he sensed her attention, he suddenly turned his head, located her, then smiled a gummy, wet grin. “Ma . . . ma . . . ma . . . ma.”

Though it was obvious he wasn't actually calling her “Ma,” she knew she was the only mom he'd ever known.

She smiled back and felt the lump in her throat turn a little bit bigger. What was she going to do if Kendra's relatives decided that she and Ben weren't good enough for James?

“Don't think about that,” Ben cautioned. “You need to stay positive.”

She turned to him in surprise. “How did you know what I was thinking?”

“You're thinking and worrying so much, I can practically read your mind. But, I promise, don't do this to yourself. You need to hope for the best. And, dear wife, you need to remember what you always tell me.”

“That the Lord will provide?”

“
Jah
.” His lips curved upward, but it vanished almost as quickly as he stared out the window. “Here we go.”

She stood up, half expecting Anson or her mother, or any number of people to start announcing the obvious. Or offering suggestions to Judith.

Or doing any number of things that they usually did.

But everyone stayed seated and silent, almost as if they were afraid to do anything wrong. They were truly giving the phrase “being on their best behavior” a whole new meaning.

Ironically, their stiff postures eased her mood. “Come on, everyone, perk up,” she said. “This isn't a funeral. All we're doing is getting to know James's aunts.”

Gretta, looking as serene and dignified as ever, was the one person who broke the silence. “You're right, Judith. I don't know why we are all being so nervous.”

To Judith's relief, Clara walked to her and linked her arm in hers. “We are going to get through this with flying colors,” she said. “If you need something, just look at one of us. We'll figure out how to get it for you.” She smiled sweetly, now obviously not caring that she bore scars from a long-ago fire. “Or we'll be by your side in an instant.”

“I appreciate that.”

The knock on the door prevented anything else. And then, with a new set to his shoulders, Ben opened the door and said,
“Wilcom!”

“Hi, Ben,” Bernie said as she stepped inside. When she looked around the room and saw how many of their relatives were there, her eyes widened. “I see we're going to get to meet a lot of people this evening.”

Judith stepped next to Ben. “Please come in, everyone. I am Judith Knox, and this is my husband, Ben.”

In came Bernie and two African-American couples. They looked to be just a little bit older than Judith. After a pause, the lady closest to Judith held out a hand. “Hi, my name is Katherine Jensen, and this is my husband, Brendan. And this is my sister Emma and her husband, Patrick.”

“Ben Knox,” Ben said and shook everyone's hand, then closed the door behind the newcomers.

Katherine and Emma did the same thing Bernie had done; they looked a little taken aback by the crowd that greeted them. But then their gazes settled on baby James, who was staring right back at them with a wide-eyed, curious look.

“Is this him?” Katherine asked, her voice hoarse.

When Judith simply nodded, her mother saved the day. She popped James on her hip as she joined them. “
Jah
, this is your sweet nephew, James. And I am Irene Graber. I'm Judith's mother.”

Katherine and Emma gazed at James in wonder. “He's beautiful,” Emma said. With a sad shake of her head, she added, “I can't believe I didn't want to see him. I can't believe I kept putting off my visit to Kendra, too. I was such a fool.”

“Not a fool,” her mother said. “We all think we have all the time in the world to make poor decisions,
jah
? Because we imagine that we'll always have all the time in the world to make things right.”

Emma swallowed. “You are exactly right, Irene. I've made some terrible choices, and I'm having to live with those consequences now.”

As she sighed, she looked weary. “The sad thing is that it's no less than I deserve. I had been so tired of Kendra making so many mistakes.” She shook her head. “So many bad decisions.”

“The drugs,” Katherine said.

“And the men.”

“Stealing.”

Emma frowned. “For years, it seemed like we weren't supposed to do anything but bail her out, time and again.”

“It was hard. Really hard,” Katherine interjected.

“It got so I was so tired of her disappointing me that I wanted nothing to do with her.”

“We could only take so much, you know?”

Reaching for her husband's hand, Emma continued. “Even when she was in jail, I told myself that it was going to hurt too much to make amends. Now it's too late.”

Her husband wrapped an arm around her. “We've already gone through this, Emma. No good is going to come of you constantly castigating yourself.”

She shook her head, then looked around at the others and grimaced. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come here and lay all my troubles at your feet.”

“Our
haus
is yours,” Ben said as he led them into the keeping room. “Please, will you sit down? And then, maybe you'd like to hold James?”

Katherine gazed at her husband. “We'd like nothing better,” she said.

After a few more introductions, Gretta and Rebecca went to go get the trays they'd already prepared with cookies and coffee cups. Then the two couples sat, Bernie nearby, but unusually silent.

Just as her mother was about to place James in Katherine's arms, James frowned and squirmed. “Ma-ma-ma-ma,”

Emma frowned. “Is he saying what I think he is?”

James answered that one, looking at Judith and smiling brightly. He squealed, then held out his chubby arms to her.

Judith wasn't sure what to do. Did she dare take James and risk hurting his aunts' feelings? Or should she err on the side of ignoring his pleas? But then, if she did that, it would make it seem like she was a poor mother.

In the end, her heart led the way. She reached out, clasped James to her chest, and smiled as he cuddled close.

As she smelled his clean skin and felt his comfortable weight in her arms, she pressed her lips to his soft, curly head. Oh, she was going to miss James so much!

Belatedly she noticed that their visitors were staring at her and James in surprise.

“He loves you, doesn't he?” Katherine said in wonder.