Read Jane Vows Vengeance Online

Authors: Michael Thomas Ford

Jane Vows Vengeance

Praise for the Jane Austen, Vampire series

“Rollicking … a witty demonstration of how beautifully the dilemmas of being Jane Austen and a vampire can comport with the tropes of chick lit. You’ll thirst for the conclusion of the trilogy.”


Kirkus Reviews
on
Jane Goes Batty

“Inventive and funny, and the story progresses with the kind of light touch that compares favorably to the … Stephenie Meyer Twilight series.… [Ford] consistently delights.”


Bay Area Reporter
on
Jane Bites Back

“Fang-tastic.”


Publishers Weekly
on
Jane Bites Back

“Hilarious … I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and know you will too!”

—The Vampire Librarian on
Jane Bites Back

“A fun, humorous weekend read! … It [made] me laugh out loud. Ford does a fantastic job capturing the spirit of Jane Austen.”

—Vamp Chix on
Jane Goes Batty

“A rollicking good read … Ford is wickedly funny.”

—Dirty Laundry on
Jane Bites Back

“Ford approvingly cites Seth Grahame-Smith’s
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
, but his own mashup is better integrated, more knowledgeable about Austen and considerably funnier.”


Kirkus Reviews
on
Jane Bites Back

“Readers who fall under Jane’s spell will be eagerly awaiting her next adventure.”


Library Journal
on
Jane Bites Back

“Ford’s Jane is a very fun and funny heroine to root for as she endures the indignities of publishing and bookselling, fends off danger and (perhaps) finds love.”


Publishers Weekly
on
Jane Bites Back

“FIVE STARS! This is one of the most thoroughly entertaining stories I have read in the past few years!”

—Huntress Reviews on
Jane Bites Back

“A witty and entertaining read with just the right amount of bite … This book will appeal to Austen fans and vampire fans alike.”

—Night Owl Romance on
Jane Bites Back

“Light, campy and a bit Buffyish … Read with tongue-in-cheek and a full glass of suspended disbelief; you will chortle and guffaw until the last bite. This Janeite was truly ‘glamored.’ 5 out of 5 Regency Stars.”

—Austenprose on
Jane Bites Back

“In the past year, I have read quite a few Jane Austen spin-offs, but none quite as original as
Jane Bites Back
by Michael Thomas Ford. What a fantastic premise for a book … I am so excited to say that I really, really enjoyed this book.”

—Booking Mama on
Jane Bites Back

“One of the most likable vampires ever created; there are also unexpected plot twists to keep readers engaged to the end. Verdict: References to classic and contemporary books will appeal to bibliophiles, pop culture asides will catch trend watchers, and classic physical comedy scenes could make anyone chuckle.”


Library Journal
on
Jane Goes Batty

“Filled with sly humor and fast-paced quips, this [is a] delightful romp.… Ford’s Jane is as lovely and as ladylike as ever, her vital spirit a perfect reflection of literary heroine chic.”

—Curled Up with a Good Book on
Jane Goes Batty

“Ford delivers an original take with a sharp and well-formed wit. I found myself laughing and groaning in no time at all.”

—January Magazine on
Jane Goes Batty

“A hilarious romp … This book is definitely worth picking up and reading and I can’t wait to read the third installment in this building series.”

—The Obsessive Book Worm on
Jane Goes Batty

“A funny, smart, well-crafted book that will keep you glued to the pages … This book has a little bit for everyone. If you like the classics, you’ll enjoy the references. If you like physical comedy, you won’t be disappointed. And, if you’re enjoying the rapid rise of the vampire genre,
Jane Goes Batty
is your cherry on the top. Pick up your copy today.”

—Romance Reviews Today on
Jane Goes Batty

“[
Jane Goes Batty
is] the kind of book you can start reading late at night and fight off sleep just so you can keep reading.… I highly recommend this book and its prequel. It will have you dying to meet your favourite authors.”

—Bibliomantics on
Jane Goes Batty

Jane Vows Vengeance
is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales, is entirely coincidental.

A Ballantine Books eBook Edition

Copyright © 2012 by Michael Thomas Ford

All rights reserved.

Published in the United States by Ballantine Books, an imprint of The Random House Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.

B
ALLANTINE
and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Ford, Michael Thomas.
Jane vows vengeance: a novel / Michael Thomas Ford.
p.   cm.
eISBN: 978-0-345-52437-9
1. Austen, Jane, 1775–1817—Fiction. 2. Vampires—Fiction. I. Title.
PS3606.O7424J39 2012
813’.6—dc23     2011046722

www.ballantinebooks.com

Cover design: Marietta Anastassatos
Cover images: © Lisa Howarth/Trevillion Images (house), Tyler Stalman/Vetta/Getty Images (woman), Val Lawless/Shutterstock (panel)

v3.1

Contents
Brakeston, New York

“W
HAT ABOUT THIS ONE
?”

Jane glanced at the magazine Lucy was holding up, opened to a picture of a bride standing in a field of daisies. The bride wore a sheath-style dress of ivory silk and a birdcage veil to which was affixed a huge pale yellow gardenia. Not far behind her stood a Holstein cow, gazing at the camera with a disinterested look.

Jane grimaced. “I don’t think I have the upper arms for that,” she said.

“Of course you do,” scoffed Lucy. “Well, with a little work you could.”

Jane ignored her best friend. “Why would a bride go tromping around in a field of cows?” she said irritably. “If there’s any train at all on that dress, she’s going to drag it right through a pile of—”

“It’s one cow,” Lucy said wearily. “And it’s a photo shoot for a fashion magazine, not an article in
National Geographic
. Get a grip.”

Jane sighed, closing the magazine she was paging through and tossing it onto the pile of them covering the top of the kitchen table. “It’s just that they’re all starting to blur together. Cap
sleeves. Bateau necklines. Basque waists. Mermaid this and sweetheart that and princess whatever. It’s maddening.”

Lucy picked up another magazine.
“Victorian Bride,”
she read, looking at the cover. She glanced at Jane. “Really?”

Jane chewed the nail on her left index finger. “I grabbed everything they had,” she replied. “I think I have wedding sickness.”

Eight months had passed since she’d accepted Walter Fletcher’s marriage proposal. Shortly before the Christmas holidays she had moved into Walter’s house. It was now February, and although Walter was not pressuring her to pick a date for their wedding, another deadline hung over her head like the ominous clouds of an approaching thunderstorm.

Jane had so far avoided telling her fiancé that she was a vampire. Her undead condition was, however, known to Walter’s mother. Miriam Ellenberg, much to Jane’s dismay, had turned out to be even more of a challenge than mothers-in-law generally were: Miriam was a vampire hunter. Not surprisingly, she disapproved of her son’s choice of a girlfriend, and initially had vowed to dispatch Jane at the earliest convenience. However, after Jane rescued Miriam from almost certain death at the hands of a deranged vampire turned book reviewer, a truce had been declared. With one condition: Jane had a year in which to produce a grandchild. Should she fail, all bets were off and Miriam and she would once again be mortal enemies.

In addition to not having planned a wedding, Jane had not become pregnant. She still wasn’t even sure she
could
conceive, which was in itself no small concern. To make matters worse, Miriam had decided to move from Florida to upstate New York so that she could keep an eye on her daughter-in-law-to-be. Thankfully, Walter had not suggested that his mother move into the house with them. However, he had suggested that Miriam buy Jane’s former home, since Jane would have no more use for it
now that she and Walter were living together. As neither Jane nor Miriam—despite both thinking very hard—had been able to come up with a good reason why this course of action should not be taken, a deal had been struck, and the week after Jane moved herself, her pets, and her possessions into Walter’s house, a trio of anxious young men had unloaded Miriam’s belongings from a truck under Miriam’s scrutinizing supervision.

The matter of Jane’s barren state was becoming a greater problem with each passing week. With only four months left in which to become pregnant, she sensed Miriam becoming increasingly impatient. To her credit, Miriam had never once reminded Jane of the looming deadline. She and Jane were cordial enough to each other that Walter had often remarked on how pleased he was that they were getting on so well. Still, Jane knew that she was being watched.

She was not surprised, then, when Miriam made an appearance in the kitchen just moments later. She was dressed in a variation of the peculiar ensemble she’d adopted following the first snowfall of the winter. Unused to cold, she had opted for warmth over fashion, exchanging the lightweight pantsuits that had served her well in Florida’s tropical climate for sturdy corduroy trousers and heavy wool sweaters in Irish fisherman and Norwegian ski patterns. At the moment she was wearing moss-green pants and a cream Aran sweater with a rolled neck. Below the knees her pants were tucked into a pair of brown Wellingtons, and on her head was a black-and-red buffalo plaid hunter’s cap with earflaps and a shearling lining.

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