Authors: Hilary Storm
from my crouching position. Aiden
hands the towel to me and helps me out
once I’m wrapped up. I’m very unsteady
and I have to rely on him completely to
get me to the bed. He leaves me on the
edge with the t-shirt and shorts. He
leaves the room and closes the door to
give me privacy. I feel so numb.
I stand to pull on my shorts and
catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
My
flesh is red and blotchy, but
somehow my face looks pale. I rotate
each wrist and begin to realize how
much pain he caused me.
“Ivy. Are you done?” Aiden
opens the door and I look at his face
through the reflection in the mirror. He
looks at me with hurt, anger, disgust, but
the worst is pity.
“Don't look at me. Leave me
alone.” I bow my head and try to cover
myself.
“I'm not leaving you. Now get
your clothes on.” He turns his back to
me.
I pull on his t-shirt and shorts.
Everything is extremely baggy and I feel
slouchy. Can I possibly have any more
emotions?
“Ok. I'm done.” I stand there until
he reaches me and guides me to the bed.
H e pulls back his comforter and sheet
and then urges me to climb in. He tucks
the covers over me and lies down on the
floor right beside me.
“What are you doing?”
“I'm trying to be here for you and
not cross any lines.” He sits up on the
floor and faces me. My face is on the
pillow at the same level of his.
“Thank you.” Tears begin to slip
out again. I don’t have the energy to sob
anymore, but it doesn’t take much to let
the tear drops fall.
“I wish you would let me call
Eaven.”
“No. I don’t want to talk about it.
Just let me be.”
“I will be here for you the entire
night. Just let me know if you need me.
Pretend that I am not here.”
I roll over to face the opposite
direction and the tears flow even
harder. I start to have flash backs of
Dylan forcing himself on me. This
causes me to breathe heavy and I begin
to hyperventilate. I feel like everything
is closing in on me. I quickly sit up in
the bed and try to catch my breath.
Aiden moves in behind me and slowly
grabs my shoulders in a hug. I cringe
when he surrounds me. I struggle for
him to release me when he says, “Shhh
Ivy. I won't let him near you, I
promise.”
I close my eyes and focus on
breathing.
“You are safe. I will make sure of
it.” I want to feel safe in his arms. I
know deep down that I am, but my heart
is craving another set of arms to shield
me. He guides me to lie back in the bed
and I finally succumb to the exhaustion
of this night.
I wake up alone in the bed and I
still feel an overwhelming numbness. I
don’t think I have any tears left to cry
after last night. I move to get out of bed
and find Aiden on the floor by my side.
This guy is so great. How come I can’t
force myself to fall for someone like
him?
You can’t help who you fall for.
All you can do is try to recover from the
crash of the fall if they aren’t there to
catch you. I need to talk to Eaven this
morning. I don’t want her going to our
apartment and worrying about me. I
reach for my phone and see a missed call
from her. I quickly send her a text.
Ivy: I’m at Aiden’s. Don’t go to the
apartment. Where are you?
Eaven: At Talon’s. What’s wrong?
Ivy: I’ll be there to talk to you soon.
Eaven: WTH is going on?
Ivy: I’ll talk to you when I get there.
I roll over to the opposite side so I
can step out of bed without disturbing
Aiden. I pass the mirror on my way to
the bathroom and stop to see the empty
girl staring back at me. Her face looks
sad and swollen. Her cheek is turning
ugly colors and her hair is terrible.
I reach to brush my fingers over
her cheek, stopping when my fingers
smear prints on the mirror. I startle as I
hear Aiden stir. I turn to see him
watching me.
I make my way to the bathroom
and try to pretend to care what I look
like today. I decide another shower is
needed. The memory of last night’s
shower comes to mind and I force myself
to breathe through the initial heart rate
increase. I find a trial size bottle of
shampoo in a drawer that doesn’t smell
like man and attempt to scrub myself
clean. I really need conditioner for my
hair, but I will make do with what I
have. I let the water run over my
shoulders and relax my sore muscles.
I turn off the water and stop myself
before I open the door. I decide in that
moment that I have to be stronger than
this. I will not be a victim. I decide that
when I slide this door open, I will be
moving on. I won’t live in the past. I
have done this before with my mother. I
just close the awful door and walk
through a new one. It’s simple. Or so I
tell myself. Taking a deep breath, I slide
the shower door open. I notice the cool
air brush across my skin and welcome
the refreshing feeling of it.
I find a clip of Macy’s and opt for
the slouchy look over trying to fight these
knots. I put Aiden’s clothes back on and
toss mine from last night in the trash. I
know I wasn’t wearing them at the time,
but I don’t want anything to remind me of
last night.
Aiden is waiting by the door for
the bathroom when I walk out.
“Good morning! Thanks for letting
me stay last night. I really appreciate
everything. I’m going to meet up with
Eaven.” I smile at him and start for the
bedroom door.
“Don’t you need a ride?”
“I guess I do.” I can’t even think
straight. I am trying to act tough and
over it and my mind is a mess.
“Let me shower and I will take
you.” He leaves me in the room alone. I
force my mind to think about something
pleasant. I immediately think of Taron,
so I grab my phone to send him a text.
Ivy: How is the bus ride? Miss you already.
Taron: Really??
Ivy: Yes
Taron: You’re a piece of work
Ivy: What?
Taron: Really?
Ivy: Yes, did I stutter?
Taron: No you were very clear.
Ivy: Is this you talking to me every day?
Taron: Beginning quote “““““““I DON’T
SHARE”““““““ Fucking end quote
Ivy: Ok?
Taron: I’m done. Text cowboy.
~Five~
Taron
I must have fallen asleep sometime
shortly after we left. I wake to the sound
of nothing. The bus isn't moving. I don’t
hear voices. Nothing.
I roll over and grab my phone. I
manage to take a piss in the smallest
bathroom ever made, and grab some pain
reliever for my splitting headache. I
stumble out the door to see a big ass
Texan eating a hamburger on a
billboard. Shit. What I need is a big
fucking cowboy to piss me off.
I slam the door and go inside. I
find them all at a table and they stare at
me wide eyed as I pull up a chair.
“What?” I ask them. I shrug my
shoulders and steal a potato from Lilly's
plate when none of them answer. I don’t
care what they think.
“So, what has your ass on cloud
nine?” Talon is the only one brave
enough to ask.
“I don’t know what you mean. I'm
good. It's all fucking good.”
“Sure it is.”
“Can you just drop it? It will all
be great when we go on tomorrow night.
I'm ready to be in the spotlight again. I
need some action.”
I order a steak and eat everything
in sight. I always eat and drink a ton the
day after I get drunk. Some people can't
function the next day. I am just a
bottomless pit.
I finally get my fill and we load up
again. I pull out my phone when it starts
to vibrate. I can see that it isn't a name
that I have programmed so I let it go to
voice mail.
Once the message is received, I
listen to it.
“Hey, Taron! It's Emily. I can't
wait to hang with you tomorrow night. I
just thought I would see when you’ll be
here. Maybe we can hook up before the
concert. Call me if you want to. I'll see
you soon.”
I’m sure Emily will be waiting for
me when we arrive. I tuck my phone in
my pocket and mentally plan to call her
when we check in to the hotel. We pull
back on the highway and continue the
longest ride in history.
I head back to the same bed that I
crashed in earlier with the plan to do it
again. This is the longest fucking drive
of my life. I want to sleep this shit off.
I lie awake as the bus burns up the
miles. I can’t seem to shake off the
memories of Ivy. I am just so pissed at
myself for thinking that we were going to
try
a
relationship together. This
probably works out best anyway. I can
live up to my reputation and just hook up
every night. No strings. No
commitments. No worries. I just hope I
can get her out of my head.
I feel my phone vibrate again. It's
Ivy texting.
I like how she has the nerve to act
like everything is perfect. I can't deal
w ith her right now. I was an idiot to
think we could be more than a great fuck.
A great fuck is an understatement.
She has my mind going all different
directions. I want to feel numb about her
like I do any other girl that climbs out of
my bed. Hell, some never make it to my
bed at all.
It is much easier when you don’t
have the complications. Just walk away
after the deed is done. Walk. The. Fuck.
Away.
I can't sleep so I make my way to
the front of the bus and find everyone
else crashed. I make a beeline to the
alcohol at Luke's feet and take it back to
the room with me. I swallow and feel
the burn all the way down. It was much
easier to deal with this shit when I was
drunk. I hear my phone again, this time I
decide to answer it.
“What?” My irritation is obvious.
“Why are you being an ass?” She
sounds pissed off at me. Ivy has no right
to be pissed at me.
“Why are you being a bitch?”
This silences her. What, she doesn’t
have a come back? She always has
something to say.
“What, Ivy? Why did you call
me? What more can I do for you?”
“I just needed to hear you.” I can
hear hurt in her voice. Why is she doing
this?
“Now you’ve heard me. What
else do you want?”
“Nothing, Taron. I don’t want
anything from you. I just want you to be
happy.” I almost didn’t hear her. She is
talking so quietly. Where is the feisty
girl I know?
“I was happy, Ivy. You made me
the happiest guy just as fast as you turned
me into the fucking angriest. I can't let
you control my emotions like this. If you
want to play games, find someone else.”
“Taron, I didn’t mean to hurt you.
There is nothing going on with me and
anyone else. Aiden is just a friend.”
“I saw you, Ivy.”
“It's not what it looked like.”
“So he wasn’t holding you naked
in his arms? You weren't holding him
back? He wasn’t in your bedroom after
we fucked on every possible surface in
that room?”
“Yes, but nothing happened.” Her
words are barely a whisper through her
tears.
“Enough happened. Why would
you let him in your room after
everything?”
The other end goes completely
silent. I can hear her crying. I close my
eyes and listen to the most confusing