Authors: Anya Monroe
CHAPTER NINE
Head Councilman Conviction spends the morning before my departure preparing me for how I should behave with this new responsibility of being Bound with a Vessel. Apparently, no one took my Binding with Lucy very serious because no one sat me down and gave me a talking to when she and I declared our love. Then again, Conviction keeps referring to her as my "rebellious phase."
We're sitting in the Councilman's Chamber, but it's just the two of us for now. Later, the entire Council will gather here to inform me of my new energy supply schedule. This Refuge needs extra light from me before I can travel tomorrow with Perfection. Their plans, detailing how they're intend to use my fuel, hang on the walls of the Chamber. It looks like the Humblemen are getting a new leisure center.
"You must remember that even though you're the prophet, you're going to make mistakes. There will be a lot of growing pains during this adjustment period."
He coughs into his hands. I think he's trying to tell me about what to do on my Binding Night. The birds and the bees. I feel like I'm going to throw up.
"Look, Conviction, with all due respect, I have the mechanics figured out." I roll my eyes.
I might be able to get out of this awkward conversation, but I don't know what I'm going to do on the actual night. Besides pray I get the flu.
"Of course. I realize you are sixteen, only a few years younger than I was when I took my first mate."
"Is that everything? Because I think I've had enough of this."
"Easy now, Nobleman. There's one last thing to remember if you come across any, ahem, problems with Perfection. Seek out a Councilman at one of the Refuges. They can help guide you in how we as The Light deal with temperamental Vessels." He winks at me as he says the last line.
I look at him, disgusted. I know what he means. He's telling me to use my hands in ways they aren't intended for. I've seen enough interactions between Humblemen and Vessels throughout my life to understand. Bruises on arms and faces, discreetly covered with shawls and side-swept hair. While in the past those indications weren't clear enough, or veiled well enough for notice, now I could never deny the truth. I saw Duty battered. I saw Lucy's mom left for dead.
Anger boils within me. To suggest, in some twisted version of "fatherly advice," that I should do the same with Perfection if she steps out of line, is unconscionable.
"Is this my pep talk? Beat your Vessel to get what you want?" I'm doing my best not to shout, but it's not working very well. My jaw clenches in rage. "I'm hate being here without anyone having my back. I wish my parents and Charles were here right now, they'd be on my side. They'd understand how horrible your ‘suggestion’ is."
"Lukas. Listen to yourself. You think your parents would ever choose your side? After choosing to leave. To leave you?"
"You probably forced them out so you could do whatever you wanted with me. They would have said good-bye to me if they planned on going."
My eyes sting. I'm so weak, raw, forever showing my feelings with the force of my light, and then, left so vulnerable because I'm sheltered from the truth.
"I don't know what's bringing out this sudden flex of emotions from you. You never speak to me this way. Perhaps your ‘rebellious phase’ isn't quite over. Or perhaps you are jittery with being so near your Binding ceremony. Although, I must say, it's usually the Vessel who panics."
"I'm not nervous." My stiff shoulders and clamped fists indicate otherwise.
"When you are older, wiser in the ways of the world, then you will understand. Emotions often have control over youth, even ones who are prophets." Conviction's eyes hold steady on mine, warning me to compose myself.
I do what I'm told; relax my body as best as I can. I hate not having any real power, being surrounded by people whose intentions don't match my own. I'm constantly pushing aside my true desire. Running my hands through my hair, I exhale, determined to set my feelings aside for now. Being here at The Light is temporary. Soon enough I will escape. I just need to get through the next few days.
"That's better, Lukas." He pats my back, patronizing me. "You had me concerned there for a moment, with your rant about your parents. Do me a favor and don't mention it in front of the Councilmen. Some things are best to keep to yourself. No need to stir the pot, understand?"
"Yes, Head Councilman."
Little does he know how much the pot is already stirred. The moment Lucy walked into this Refuge everything changed, and it's only a matter of time before Conviction realizes it.
Lucy
"So that's why I need to find Charlie and his parents so badly. I need them to help me figure out a way to harness energy for The Light so Lukas can be free and not have to work for them anymore, yet still take care of all those people." I finish my story, the events of the past weeks leading me up to this point.
I only avoid the parts about the Nobleman and me. The part about lips touching while kaleidoscope colors trailed around us on the ledge. I skip the part where locking eyes with him makes my heart stop and his heart stop and for a moment we hold eternity in our gaze. I didn't mention when he was sick my touch made him well, and how I curled in his arms all night long, knowing I could live out my forevers wrapped close to him.
"So you really lived in that compound for all those years, ever since you were born? I thought people doing that was an urban legend or something." Colton whistles low, shaking his head of long dark hair, tucked behind his ears. He's a young man who's seen harder days than I, scars cross his angular cheek.
"That's what you got from her story?" Junie punches her brother in the arm. "What about the fact the men at The Light are monsters? Or that Lucy's mom died like two days ago
?
Or that this girl sleeping right here had never been outside until she escaped?
"
"I know. It's all crazy. I can't believe your hand, either," Colton says. The three of us stop and look at it. It still fills the space with a lovely green glimmer of light. Not too bright, but strong enough to see one another's faces clearly. I can't wait to meet Lukas's parents so they can explain more about it to me.
"So, when do you think we will get to Charlie?" I watch Colton and Junie exchange a quick look.
Junie purses her thin lips. Her face framed by hair falling to her chin. The girls at the Vessel would gasp if they saw her. Long braids were a telltale sign you were in the fold. Junie's an abomination with her short bob and big metal hoops hanging in her ears and through her nose. She looks as hard-core as possible. Basil, my rebel friend at Refuge two, looks like a saint compared to Junie's brash exterior.
"About that. I know you are excited to see Charlie and everything ... but he isn't really...."
"Really what?" I shake my head, confused.
"I just don't know if his plans really line up with your plans."
"What are his plans?"
"You just need to get to the Headquarters and talk to the people there." Junie pulls in her lips and meets Colton's eyes. He nods for her to keep going. "The other thing is ... once we get you to Charlie, we aren't going to stay with you."
"You have to. I just told you everything. And it's a big deal, it could change everything. If we can figure out a way to harness the energy we'll all have better lives. You have to help now that you know." I stop, confused at their reactions to my story. I need them.
"Look, Lucy. I'm sure it's a good idea to harness this energy. And I get it; you lived your life with freaky parents and limited supplies, and then you went to The Light and they had all this wealth. Good food, warm showers. Things the Olders talk about having before the virus. But those luxuries aren't everything, not for me anyway. I don't want to fight this battle. Not for you, not even for myself." Junie stops talking and reaches to pat my knee warmly. I feel like we've known each other for a lot longer than a day.
"So where are you going? If you aren't staying at the Headquarters? Is there another group?"
"We don't know where we're going yet and there's no other group we know of," Colton says. "But it doesn't matter; I'm done with groups. Aren't you? I mean, it's always someone else in charge, dictating to me how I'm supposed to live my life. I'm a man now. I want to decide. I want to choose." He speaks with conviction, a longing for freedom, the open road.
I think of my old books at the compound and remember reading the biographies of old American mountain men like Johnny Appleseed and Daniel Boone. Living in the wild, carving out their own destinies. I can see Colton like that. He isn't a rebel, he's a pioneer.
"I get it. The idea of being free is what keeps me going. And I'm fighting this battle because I need to get back to the people I love. The girls I told you about, Basil and Hana-Grace, they're like my sisters. They are my
family
."
"I guess that's the difference between us, Lucy," Junie whispers while tears fall gently down her cheeks. "You have people left to fight for. Everyone we've ever loved is already gone."
The three of us sit silently after that, because what do you say to that truth? There are no words. Instead, our silence says what our mouths can't.
That life is so much harder than we expected. That growing up is scary. That everything changed when we began to see the world from this new lens. Harsher. Lonelier. Desperate.
Tonight, the cedar tree protects us. And that is something. Without the long branches hanging overhead, we would be exposed in the world. A world that right now is too heavy to travel through alone.
CHAPTER TEN
I got away with avoiding Perfection all day long. Honor had her busy packing for our early morning departure. We're leaving as soon as I finish my time in the Energy Room. Just as soon as the sun rose.
The Binding Ceremony is set to take place at Refuge One, tomorrow evening. Conviction will be traveling with us, of course, and even with his foreboding accompaniment, I am still ready to begin the next leg in my plan to retrieve Basil and Hana-Grace.
In the Energy Room, I sit down and begin my long night. The Councilmen spent several hours with me this afternoon, going over ways I can increase my output this evening. All the techniques suggested were ones I've heard before, “concentrate on things that bring happiness, think only of the positive, fill my mind with images of the sacred text
.
”
All methods my parents deciphered. They would have me go through series of tests, charting my output depending on the variables. But their testing was incomplete.
Because they left.
Still, I can do what the Councilmen ask. I do know there is a difference when I focus my mind on
love
as opposed to when I just try to close my eyes and go to sleep. I do give better light when I focus on the things my parents predicted would increase my yield.
I close my eyes. I think of Lucy, my one, true constant. I see her chestnut hair in a messy braid, strands falling into her bright green eyes, reflecting off of my sparkling skin. She radiates warmth and goodness. My body's on fire as I think of her.
I blush, remembering the day we were in her room after we released all the Vessels from the dark rooms. Her fair skin exposed as I unbuttoned the back of her gown, letting my hands trace the outline of her spine. I would give anything to go back to that moment, her in my arms, close against my chest. I blow out hot air, trying to think of something a little less charged with electricity. I would feel like a fool if I caused a power outage all on my own.
My eyes pop open, as someone pounds down the stairs, opens the door, and enters the room. Integrity. We haven't spoken since last night before I asked Perfection to be my mate, but now I remember him asking for a chance to speak with me privately before I left.
"Nobleman. Is this a good time?" His grey hair is long, just as his beard is. He looks weathered, cloaked in in a fog of grey. Wrinkles cover his face even though I know he rarely makes his way outside.
"Of course, Integrity. I'm not going anywhere." I smile, thankful to have my mind on something besides Lucy's skin against mine.
He pulls a stool over from the corner of the room and drags it close to me. As soon as he sits, his hand instinctively goes to his beard, stroking it before he begins his thoughts out loud. He and I never hold one-on-one talks, but I know Lucy trusts him, which is enough for me. Looking at him now, I try to see him the way she does.
"I've known you your entire life, and there are some things I want to share with you before you take this next step into adulthood by being Bound to Perfection tomorrow. In the early days of The Light, before you were ever brought into this world, I had the responsibility the Head Councilman does now."
This is a surprise. I've never considered anyone being in charge before Conviction. It seemed as though he was always in command.
"There was a falling out of sorts, after you were born. I resigned from the role, and moved to this Refuge to serve as a Councilman. It was clear my theology of The Light differed from other influential members."
"So you stopped believing? That's why you gave up the most prestigious job?" I shake my head knowing nothing could cause Conviction to willingly give up his title. It must have been a huge deal for Integrity to give up his.
"The times were so terrifying. I first joined The Light when I was a young man. I'd grown disenchanted with life in the outside world and became a follower. I found a home here within the walls of the teachings of the sacred texts. Our numbers were small at first, but over time our beliefs became better known and our fold increased, as did our preparations for Blackout."
"What do I have to do with any of this?" I know I sound like a bratty child, but bringing up the past brings out the worst in me.
"I have always
believed
, Lukas. I know you don't. I don't judge you for that, but it does break my heart. See, I remember the night you were born. You were so magical, even then. As a baby straight from your mother's womb, you truly glowed. The sacred texts I had poured over my entire life were being fulfilled right before my eyes. I had waited and prayed for your arrival for years and once you descended upon us, illuminating all of the truths in which I had devoted my life; I knew it was real."
He stops talking, taking my reaction in. My breath has become labored, what started as his walk down memory lane had become very personal. As much as it pains me to hear, I need to know the rest of his story. I nod my head for him to continue.
"But it wasn't enough for everyone. See, some Humblemen saw your birth as a way to gain control. And some, like your parents, saw it as a way to harness back the energy that was lost. After the power grid went down, all the technology that had been developed was demolished by looters, or the ones running these technologies were killed by the virus itself."
"I know about the technology not being able to be replaced," I tell him. "I remember listening to my parents go on about how they wished they could turn things back on in the outside world. They would debate it for hours and hours, whispering when they thought I wasn't paying attention."
"There are very few who still hold onto the original teachings of The Light. Most either left before the blackout, died of old age, or from disease we can't cure. But the ones left, that do believe, they remember the early days here at The Light. Days when we roamed freely about the islands our Refuges were built upon; it was joyous, full of laughter and celebration. Outsiders called us free-love hippies, and we were. We taught the sacred texts to everyone, and all children learned to read and write. The dark rooms were only a metaphorical image used to explain the importance of Light, not a punishment. And lastly, we remembered days when we treated Vessels with love and respect. No one was pressed under the thumb of a Humbleman. The Light was planted in love, but over time we have lost hold of our roots."
"But it's not like that anymore, Integrity. Things change. And now I just...." I don't finish, even though I want to confide in this old man like he has confided in me.
"I know what you
just
want. You want to run, like your girl Lucy. But that is why I wanted to talk to you. Don't run. We need you both to restore the truth to The Light."
"You can't rewind time. She's gone, just like my parents."
"That's where you're wrong. You're parents never chose to leave. Conviction ordered them to go."
My head feels as though it's going to explode. Flooded with emotion, my body responds with sudden bursts of light, rushing out of me. Integrity shields his eyes, the force barreling into him.
I try to hold my head in my hands, but I'm strapped down. Always chained down. Hot tears fall across my face. It isn't fair, being deceived to, lied to. Half-truths that have forced me into submission.
"You're sure?" I ask, not even trying to dim my light's intensity.
"I am more than sure. I have proof."
Lucy
We wake to a small pitter-patter of rain outside the cedar tree. Colton may be right about rain being a constant part of life here. I suppose it always has been for me, too. I grew up just a few days walk from where we are now. Of course, it never meant much to me considering I was buried in the confines of the compound. Rain was not a big concern of mine. Honestly, I didn't have many concerns at all.
So much has changed, and so fast.
Timid sits up and looks like a new girl. A long night of sleep was just what her body needed. Now, if only the two of us could get some real clothes on. I look over and see Junie and Colton's steel-toed leather boots still dry. I admit I'm a little envious as I pull on my sopping slippers. Our ragged dresses are covered with the wet, heavy coats of an old, drunken man. Not exactly comfort attire.
"How long until we make it to the Headquarters?" I ask.
Junie stops repacking her pack and answers as she hands Timid the bag of hazelnuts, "I think we'll get there by mid-day. What do you think, Colton?"
"Yeah, if not sooner. I bet if the girls can keep up we could be there before lunch. We only have about three hours to go."
"True. We basically ran for three hours straight yesterday," Junie answers, taking a bite out of the jerky in her hand.
"I'm just glad no one's found us yet." I bite my lip, nervously. The prospect of Reagan's patrol coming after us terrifies me.
"I'll run as fast as you want me too, Colton. Promise. I don't want anyone catching up and shooting us dead," Timid says solemnly, as though she's vowing on her life.
"Don't say things like that. It's not true."
"But it's what the Humblemen always teach in class. They say the world is wicked and people will try to kill us. That's why we need to be good. Be in The Light." Timid relays her story matter-of-factly.
Junie and Colton's bodies tense when they hear her explain the lesson. I'm not sure what to say to comfort her, so I stay silent. It doesn't feel like a very motherly response, but my experience in the world mirrors what she's been taught. There were thugs at the waterfront who tried to rape Mom and then there was Reagan's point-guns-in-our-face crew. No one has been exactly friendly. Except Charlie. Well, now Colton and Junie too.
"Listen, sweet pea, the world can be scary," Junie says. "I've always lived outside though, and I'm still alive, the only holes in me are the ones I've put in myself." She points to her nose ring while smiling warmly at Timid, who laughs nervously. "But that's why you need to be brave, and remember to stick together with the ones who care about you. Like me, and Colton, and especially, Lucy." She tucks Timid's loose hair safely behind her ear. "Okay, sweet pea?"
"Okay." Timid looks relieved. I look at Junie in awe, she's so good with Timid. I wish I knew how to speak like that, reassuring and confidant. I'm glad we found each other, because I don't trust myself guarding Timid alone.
"But we're still going to move quickly okay, ladies? I'm sick of dried meat. I want to eat something warm. So, let's make it to Headquarters by lunch, okay?"
We quickly move out of camp and move at a fast clip. I couldn't be more relieved that my hand healed Timid last night and that she's able to keep up with the pace Colton has set.
We stop for water at a stream and once the water bottles are filled, we take shelter in an old barn for a quick rest. A light drizzle still falls, but the heavy rainfall of yesterday seems to have passed allowing us to quickly continue on our way. The world is a lush green painting and Timid comments on all the trees, the colors, the sounds. She's holding up very well considering she was hidden from so much for so many years.
"Do you know what that is, Lucy?" she asks, pointing to a jumble of pokey branches.
"Those are wild blackberry bushes. Not like the ones in orderly rows in the greenhouse. Here's a late bloomer." I reach for a fat juicy berry, thinking of eating them with Charlie while riding his horse, Lucky.
Timid eats it and then reaches for another before we keep moving on the trail. Her smile is contagious, and in the rain or not, it feels good to see her happy.
After a few hours of crossing through woods, and what seems to be the back end of what was once people's property, our feet hit pavement. The route Colton chose avoided vacant buildings that would probably overwhelm Timid. Though I know it wasn't for her benefit, it was the quickest way to the Headquarters, but now we stop and Colton's lips form a thin line and his Adams apple dips as he swallows as though he's mustering confidence for something.
"What is it, Colton?" I ask. I know asking him and Junie to take us here was a big request. They would have probably already been on their way to their new secret life if it hadn't been for Timid and me.
"I just don't want you to get let down is all."
The way he says it puts a dark mood on what is otherwise turning out to be a good day. The rain has finally stopped and Junie says we only have to walk a few miles more before we make it to the Headquarters.
When we take our final turn and arrive at our destination, the first thing we see are dozens of people, just like Reagan's patrol, holding guns, and wearing leather coats and boots like Colton. They line the perimeter of a field and a poorly-paved road. Colton saunters over to the guards and gives a breezy salute with his lanky arm. The guard nods at us and moves aside.
"Hey, Duke. Anyone come around lately?" Junie asks the guard that Colton saluted.
He smiles brightly at Junie, as though seeing her made his day. Duke wears a tank top revealing muscular arms and traces of a six pack are evident through the thin material. Camo pants are slung low on his waist and his short buzz cut emphasizes deep dimples and deep brown eyes. Junie looks him up and down, and I blush at her indiscreet observation of Duke. I hold tight to Timid's hand, realizing we look like bedraggled children with our dirty slippers and muddy gowns.