Authors: Ella Fox
I was feeling so relaxed that when Macy fell off of her stool, I started laughing hysterically. Brady and Chad were smiling and laughing too and I thought that maybe I had been to
o hard in my stance on them. All of my worrying was for nothing and nothing mattered enough to be upset about.
Everything
was great except for the fact that my head was too heavy for my shoulders right then. Leaning forward, I laid my head down on the cool copper top of the bar and let out a sigh of appreciation for how good it felt against my cheek. Just one minute of relaxing and I’d jump up and get everyone to play a game of pool with me.
Just. One. Minute.
Flash.
Flash.
Flash.
My eyelids feel as if they’re weighted down with something. Are there such things as eyelid weights?
Flash.
Flash.
Flash.
I’m seeing
sparkly dots behind my eyelids… why is that?
Flash.
Laughter.
Deep laughter.
I am cold.
I can feel someone arranging my limbs. There is a head against my inner thigh. My ankle is being pulled away from my body.
This isn’t right. Something. Isn’t. Right.
Darkness.
My jaw hurts. I am choking on something.
Flash.
I hear the sound of smacking. Is someone being spanked?
Flash.
Flash.
“It’s too bad this little bitch is a fucking virgin. Your dad’s always saying what a slut she’ll grow up to be. I expected to slide right in there.”
“I told you man, no fucking blood or tearing. That’s how people get arrested.”
Flash.
Flash.
“Remember what I said and don’t go fucking savage, Chad. No vaginal tearing allowed
, even on this whore.”
Flash.
“Come on her face… Yes! Good job, man. I got that fuckin’ shit.”
Darkness.
* * *
I come to immersed in water…. so much fucking water. Looking down, I find that I am naked.
Naked and my skin feels like it’s on fire.
Where am I?
It is the shivering that finally brings me to a fuller level of alertness. Opening my eyes, I find myself propped up next to Macy, who is also naked. I realize that we are in the zero-entry portion of a pool. We are both seated in about a foot of water, and Brady and Chad are on the other side of the pool horsing around.
This is bad. This is bad. This is bad.
This.
Is.
BAD.
Why am I naked in front of Brady and Chad? Why is Macy naked? Why did we both fall asleep? How the hell did I get into this pool? There’s a taste in my mouth that isn’t right and even thinking about what it might be is making my heart race in a very bad way, so I push the thought down and force myself not to think about it.
With as much strength as I can muster, I shake Macy. Over and over again I shake her, but she’s out of it, her only response a groan and a plea for me to stop moving her.
I startle when Brady throw
s his arm around my shoulders and he pulls me into him before grabbing my left nipple with his free hand and twisting it painfully. “You bitches are fucking crazy! What a night!”
There is no space between his words and my body rejecting everything I’ve put inside of my stomach in the last day. I vomit uncontrollably as tears pour out of my eyes and Brady screams about me fucking up his pool. Pulling his arm away from my shoulders, he shoves at me in anger, causing me to flop over into the water.
I struggle to get up while I continue dry heaving, and Brady screams for me to take my slutty friend and get the fuck out of his house. I try to get myself together as he and Chad scramble from the pool before drying off and slamming into the house. A few minutes later the sliding glass doors open and Brady throws a pile of clothes and two purses out onto the concrete.
Giving me a look of pure evil he shouted, “You’ve got thirty minutes to get the fuck out of here. If you don’t go, I’m calling the police and telling them that you’re trespassing and destroying my pool.”
My head has cleared a little, but I am literally swimming in a sea of vomit and humiliation as I pull Macy from the pool, all the while trying to get her to fully wake up. Realizing that she must’ve continued to drink after I passed out, I turn her onto her side so that she’s facing the pool and I shove my fingers down her throat.
Once, twice, and on the third pass, she begins to vomit.
It takes me twenty minutes to get her under enough control that I can dress her, and then myself. I half drag, half carry her to her car, dumping her onto the passenger seat before I slide into the driver seat.
I don’t know what to do and I don’t know where to go. We can’t go home in the condition that we’re both in, and I’m not fit to drive far. I pulled out of the driveway and drove a few blocks away before pulling over and turning the car off.
“Talk to me,” I begged. “Tell me that you’re okay.”
Shaking her head, she burst into tears, great wracking sobs that shook her frame with hurricane force.
“I was out of it but I saw things,” she cried. “I felt things. I think they were both inside of me. How did that happen?”
I’ve been thinking about it practically
nonstop and as fuzzy as I am, I believe that I know the answer.
I gulped down the bile rising up in my throat before whispering, “I think… I think they drugged us… and… I think that they did things to us. We need to call the police.”
She screamed, an animal sound of distress and agony before she started slamming her fists against the dashboard and yelling, “No, no, no, no, no!”
“Stop it Macy! You’re going to hurt yourself!”
She cried and cried, and then cried some more. I held her tightly and rocked back and forth with her, the two of us sobbing together. Pulling back, she took my face in her hands.
“Did they rape you?”
Shaking my head I whispered, “Not that way, they only used my mouth.”
Looking me in the eye she said, “They raped me, and I can still feel them inside of me. I think that other things happened too. Bad things. Things I don’t want to remember. I kept coming to and hearing them talking. Did they p
ut us in the pool or did we want to go in?”
“They must’ve put us in the pool, although I don’t know why.”
Closing her eyes, she sat back and leaned against the headrest.
“Then I didn’t dream any of what I remember. They put us in the pool to wash away the evidence. They scrubbed at us both for a long, long time. Even if we go to the police now, no one will believe us. It’s Brady fucking Howard and Chad Winthorp for fuck
’s sake. Mia… I think they took pictures. A lot of pictures.”
Closing my eyes I realize that she
is right.
Flash.
Flash.
Flash.
“Mia! Mia, wake up! Wake up, wake up, wake up!”
I sat straight up, clutching at my chest as my heart pounded, my eyes taking in the fact that I was in my dorm room and Darby was standing over me. I was tangled in sheets soaked with sweat and I was shaking like a leaf. Looking at Darby, I could tell she knew something was really wrong with me and
, just like that, I lost it.
She held onto me as I cried, and she stayed with me until I fell into an exhausted sleep an hour or so later.
I love her for not pushing me to tell her what was wrong right then and there, because I don’t think that I could’ve said the words.
Darby was gone by the time I woke up this morning and I felt relieved that I’d been granted a reprieve of at least another few hours before I would have to explain to her what was going on with me. She left me a note telling me she’d see me during the break in between our morning classes, and she also reminded me that she was going out with her mom to dinner and a movie tonight. Apparently they have a mother-daughter date every fourth Friday, and have done so for years. I think it’s adorable, but I’m also a little bit bummed out because I won’t be able to go to Tristan’s if they’re having people over tonight.
After I was happy with my hair and
makeup I spent more time than usual choosing an outfit, and I totally admit it’s because I was about to see Tristan. I was excited to see him but also nervous because I wondering if he would say something to me about the fact that I was in the pool hall last night when the shit hit the fan between him and Tiffany. I hated that he was with her at all but I kept reminding myself that it was none of my business.
Grabbing my bag
, I headed out across campus to class. When I reached the hall that the class was in, I stumbled when I saw Tristan leaning back against the wall next to the door, but luckily he didn’t see me fumble. Taking a deep breath, I walked up to him with a casual smile.
“Good morning, Stan.”
His breath let out in a whoosh and he ran his hand through his already tousled hair before he said anything. “Mimi…you’re not pissed at me?”
I had felt a lot of things about him last night, but pissed wasn’t one of them.
Jealous? Yes, I was definitely jealous. But I wasn’t stupid or crazy and he didn’t owe me any kind of an explanation at all, so I don’t know why he would think I would have been pissed.
Cocking my head to the side I blinked at him with confusion. “Why would I be pissed at you, Tristan?”
“I realized when you and Darby left with Tiffany that meant you were friends with her. I figured I looked like a fucking gigolo piece of shit. I texted Darby like five times last night and when she never answered, I assumed you guys were ready to burn me in effigy.”
I roll
ed my eyes at him. “In effigy for what, having sex with a slut?” Okay, I had to get the one catty dig in. Sue me.
“Tiffany is one of the girls that live in the same dorm house we do, but she certainly isn’t a friend, especially not after how she used us, Darby in particular, last night. I don’t know the exact reason Darby didn’t answer your texts, but I do know that some of it is because she’s hurt that, once again, someone befriended her to get to you and Trace.”
“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck
! Dammit, how upset is she?”
There
was no way I was telling him that. I’d already told him enough, and I only did that so he’d make it right with Darby… and hopefully, he’d say something to Trace about it as well.
“You need to talk to her about that. It’s not okay for me to say any
more than I already have.”
He hung his head and looked at the floor uncomfortably for a moment before he looked back up at me. “Darby’s like a sister to me and I love her to death. I feel like shit that I did anything that wound up hurting her at all but I’m glad she’s got a friend like you, Mia. She’s had a lot of problems with so-called friends using her. Any one of her other
“friends” would have blabbed out everything she told them when she was upset, but it means a lot to me, and I know it will to her too, that you have her back.”
I smiled at him
and said thank you, but it hurt me to think of Darby being used by people. Darby’s a great girl, and she deserves to have true friends surrounding her.
Several of the other students
from our class began walking between us, and that was our cue to go into the room ourselves. We took our regular seats, and I pulled out my iPad to type a quick message to Darby.
“Hey.”
God, even his voice was sexy.
Turning to look at him, I smiled. “What’s up?”
“I need your cell phone number. I wanted to text you last night but couldn’t. Which sucked.”
I felt the spark of hope in my stupid heart and I squashed it down. He want
ed to be my friend, not my date. Plus, I don’t date. It’s better this way. And maybe if I tell myself that two hundred thousand times, I’ll start to believe it. Tristan is cracking the wall around me, and I’m surprised to find that I wish he were actually interested in me in more than a friendly way.
I gave him the number just before class started, and I startled a few minutes later when my phone vibrated on my desk. Picking it up, I saw that I had a message from a number I didn’t know. I bit my cheek to keep from smiling like a lovesick fool as I touched the screen and read a message from Tristan.
Tristan: This is my cell number. You can add me to your contact list under: WHAT AN AWESOME GUY. Wanna come over tonight?
Me: I’d be all by myself
—
Darby’s going out with her mom.
Tristan: I know
—
it’s their mother-daughter night. Do you not want to come over if Darby isn’t there? That’s not very friendly, Mimi…
Me: No! That’s not it at all. I just wanted to make sure that you knew that I’d be alone.
Tristan: You won’t be alone
—
you’ll be with me.
Me: What time should I be there?
Tristan: How about seven?
Me: I’ll be there. Now stop texting and listen to our instructor. We’re never going to get anywhere in business if we don’t know how to do the math. (ha ha)
After class I met Darby in the cafeteria. Taking a seat at the table, I hung my head as I tried to figure out how to tell her what I’d been dreaming about last night. I startled when she reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “Hey, you don’t have to tell me what all that was about last night. I want to know, but I want to know on your time. If you aren’t ready, don’t push yourself.”
I held back tears when I looked up to find her staring at me. “I’m not ready yet, but I will be. Thank you for staying with me last night until I fell asleep again. It means a lot to me.”
Waving me off, she laughed. “That’s what friends are for. I’m so happy to finally have a real friend, Mia.”
“I’m happy to have you, too.
I’m sorry that your first real college friend is a nightmare-having freak, but I guess you’ll get used to it.”
The look on her face made my heart hurt. “I’ll never get used to hearing someone I care about scream in terror because they’re reliving something that is eating away at their soul. Trust me, I know of what I speak because Trace has nightmares. You just need to remember that I’m here for you no matter what. If you have a nightmare and you need someone to talk to, wake me up.”
“Thank you so much, Darbs. I can’t even tell you how happy I am that I got you for a roommate.” Fidgeting with my fingers I summoned up the courage to tell her that I had discussed her with Tristan. I felt stupid that I said anything to him at all, and I really hoped she wouldn’t feel betrayed by what I said.
“
I have something to tell you and I hope it doesn’t piss you off. Tristan was waiting for me outside of class this morning and he was worried because you never texted him back last night. I told him it was probably because you were upset to find out that another friend had used you. That’s it, I swear. I didn’t say anything about Trace, or you crying or anything, but I thought he should know that you are upset.”
“That’s fine, Mia, don’t worry. I felt bad when I woke up this morning and realized that he had texted so many times…Tristan knows I’ve been hurt by the same damn situation playing out over and over again for years. He knows that I have feelings for Trace.”
That was news. “He does?”
Sipping her coffee, she laughed mirthlessly. “Of course. I’m not always subtle, ya know? Plus… god, this is embarrassing… the morning after I lost my virginity to Trace, Tristan walked in on us in bed together, still naked.”
My eyeballs almost popped out of my head. “Holy shit! Darby, you didn’t tell me last night that you had sex with Trace! When did that happen?”
Shrugging her shoulders, she rolled her eyes and said, “That happened when I was sixteen, but it’s not the last time we made lo…had sex.”
I was flabbergasted. “It isn’t?”
“No—the last time we got together was the night of my high school graduation. It’s been two years since we had sex for the first time, and we’ve been together fairly regularly since then, but he’s not about committing and I finally had enough of his shit. I took a stand a few days after my graduation and told him that he needed to shit or get off the pot. He got off the pot.”
“But you still like him.”
“No. I still
love
him. Trace Chamberlain is my soul mate, but he’s too stubborn to admit it. If he didn’t love me as much as he does, I would probably be furious with him for pushing me away.”
“What an asshole! And here I thought Trace seemed cool. What the hell?”
Rubbing her face with her hands, she was silent for a moment before she answered. “I can’t really explain without telling you things that aren’t for me to share, but suffice it to say, Trace has issues that skew his opinion of himself. He’s a good guy, I swear. I wouldn’t love him so much if he weren’t, but I do hate that he’s so chickenshit. I don’t know if it can ever work out for us…honestly, I very much doubt it…but until
last night I was praying for a miracle. Now I see that my miracle is never going to happen.”
There was nothing to be said to that. I didn’t know the ins and outs of their relationship and it wouldn’t be cool for me to tell her to wait for him if that was never going to happen.
“Well, no matter what happens with Trace, you’ve got me.”
The smile she gave me didn’t reach her eyes, but I could see that she was really trying. Opening her mouth, she sang a few bars of “I’ve got you, Babe” to me and after that we dropped the subject.
* * *
I was ready to head out to Tristan’s, dressed in jeans, navy Chucks and a white empire-waist shirt. My hair was down but I spiced it up a little by giving myself what I call ‘beach style hair’ after I got out of the shower.
I had
butterflies in my stomach and told myself I was just nervous about going to Tristan’s house without Darby, but the reality was that was only a very small percentage of the reason. I’d never in my life had the butterfly feeling about a guy and it was both scary and exhilarating.
When I pulled up
to the house, I was surprised that there weren’t a ton of cars in the driveway. Both of the previous nights I was here, I had to park on the front lawn because there were already people in the driveway. Realizing that the party wasn’t in full swing, I tried to calm my nerves as I headed for the door.
Tristan had the door opened wide before I was even all the way up onto the porch, and I smiled at him shyly as he said hello and motioned for me to enter. Looking around, I saw no one
else in the room, and I realized that I really was the early bird tonight.
“
All right,” he said with a grin, “I’ve got choices for you to make. We can either watch the last
Twilight
movie,
Ted
or
21 Jump Street
. What’s your pick?”
I looked around confused, wondering what the hell he was talking about. “If everyone is going
to watch a movie, shouldn’t we wait for them to get here so we can take a vote? I don’t want to pick something that nobody else wants to see.”
“No one else is
coming over so it’s just you and me. This is what friends do, Mimi. We’re going to sit here, watch a movie, and eat really amazing junk food.”
Nobody else was coming. I was alone in a house with a guy
. My palms started to sweat and I prepared for a full on episode to hit me…only it didn’t. I was giddy because I was getting to spend time alone with Tristan, not because I was afraid of being in the house with him.
Mentally yelling at myself to act like a normal
eighteen-and-a-half-year-old girl I smiled and said, “I choose
Ted
.”
“
Ted
it is,” he said with a wink. “Make yourself comfortable on the couch or one of the recliners. I’ll be back as soon as I finish making popcorn.”
I wasn’t
nervous in a crazy way, but I was nervous enough that I wasn’t trying to sit next to him on the couch. The thing might be a mile long, but I wasn’t taking the chance that he’d sit next to me. No matter that I wasn’t scared of him. Baby steps is the name of the game.
After sitting in one of the recliners I looked down at the coffee table in shock.
There was a massive assortment of candy spread out all over the table—Junior Mints, Skittles, Nerds, Milk Duds, Sour Patch Kids, Gummy Bears, M&Ms, Hershey Bars, Butterfingers and Reese’s Pieces. Clearly Tristan and Trace have insatiable cravings for sweets, although there were a few jars of assorted nuts thrown into the mix.