Blame It on the Shame (Blame It on the Shame: Lou-Lou and Ricardo's Story #1) (9 page)

DeLuca claps his hands. “Okay, let's talk business.”

 

Chapter 2 (Lou-Lou)

 

My head is spinning and I'm desperately in need of more wine.

I haven't touched the hard stuff for two months now, but the cravings haven't diminished.

The only times DeLuca gives in...is right before he fucks me. Which of course, is the
only
time I actually ever crave it.

He was right, he didn't turn me into a full-blown addict, but he does use it to control me.

He knows he can't have sex with me, well
enjoyable
sex anyway, when I'm sober because I'll just tremble and scream.

He says it displeases him that I feel that way about him now. I tell
him
that it displeases
me
that he uses and controls me like this.

That's when he usually threatens
not
to give me anything to help get me through him screwing me.

Then I beg and plead for him to show me some mercy before I suck him off—because I can still do
that
sober.

He eventually gives in, and although he doesn't give me heroin anymore, he gives me a few pills to take the edge off. He even waits for them to kick in before he starts.

Luckily, since it's such a process to have sex with me now, we only do it about once a week or so. Sometimes even less.

He says it's exhausting and barely even worth the effort anymore.

I pray for the day he finally decides it's not.

I pray for the day my fucked up heart becomes strong enough to finally stop loving him.

 

I stare down at my plate of uneaten food. I can't believe I spoke to him like that in front of his own son.

Marlene comes back into the dining room with another bottle of wine and I practically jump on her and pry it from her hands.

I know Bruno's going to expect some alone time with me again tonight and he already warned me just before dinner that he's
not
giving me anything this time.

He also told me that he has a special surprise job for me...but I had to be a good girl in order to get the opportunity.

Then he asked me if I still loved him. Which was odd because he hasn't asked me that in a long time.

I told him the truth—”Yes, but I also hate you for all you've done to me.”

He promised that he would make it all up to me as long as I promised to love him forever.

He was so serious, I knew that whatever he wanted from me was important.

It also explains why he randomly stopped giving me the hard drugs two months ago.

He needs me to be clear-headed for whatever assignment I was about to embark on.

“Only one more glass,” Bruno tells Marlene, interrupting my thoughts.

“You should have said that
two
glasses ago,” she says under her breath before looking at me in disgust.

I know Marlene hates me.

I know she thinks I'm just some chick looking to strike it rich with her mob boss sugar daddy.

Just like
I
know that she's
only
been his housekeeper for the past few months, so she couldn't possibly know all that's gone on between us.

But unlike her, I know all that's gone on between her and Bruno.

One night, around two months ago, I caught her on her knees in front of him when I walked into his conference room.

Instead of helping me through the worst of my withdrawals like a
decent
man, Bruno wanted to get his dick sucked by the maid since I wasn't in the state to do it for him.

I've never felt more jealous or hurt in my entire life.

Even though Bruno and I have the most toxic relationship in the history of ever, I still love him. I will
always
love him.

And I thought that meant something to him. I mean, it
used
to.

I became so mad, I launched a trophy at the bitch's head.

He immediately pulled out of her mouth and came rushing over to me.

I told him to fire her, but he promised me he would never let it happen again.

And so far, he's stayed true to his word because I have yet to catch him in the act since that night.

I still have my eye on
her,
though. Because if there's one thing I've learned...it's that you can't trust
anyone
.

Especially another woman who wants what's yours.

I take another sip of my wine, I can already tell it's weaker than the other one.

Either that or I'm starting to build up a tolerance to
this
shit too.

I give Bruno another pout and he finally relents and gives me his glass of wine.

I eagerly take it because the thought of having sex with him while being even mildly coherent makes my skin crawl.

Ricardo snaps his head in my direction and
that's
when I see it.

I didn't think they looked anything alike, but damn.

Those eyes are
totally
Bruno DeLuca's.

I almost forget that it's Ricardo and drop the glass of wine. He rolls his eyes, it's clear he doesn't like Daddy's girlfriend all that much.

And if I'm being honest, the feeling is mutual.

What kind of man looks at his father's girlfriend like she's nothing but trash?

He doesn't even
know
me. He has no idea what my life is like.

He has no idea about the fortress full of pain and shame that plagues me.

No one does. No one ever will.

He turns his attention to his father again and I study his features.

Yeah, he looks
nothing
like Bruno Deluca.

Bruno isn't particularly handsome by any means, his features are purely intense.

But Ricardo?

Holy hell
, I might need to fan myself.

His skin is a shade darker than mine, making it appear as though he spends loads of time in the sun catching a golden tan. His dark hair is short on the sides but longer on the top and his nose, jaw, and lips are the perfect combinations of rugged and sexy.

The only exception to his flawless face is his nose which is slightly crooked, most likely from all the years he spent boxing and fighting.

Speaking of which, I don't even need to see him without his shirt to know he must spend hours at the gym.

Those muscles stretching out his t-shirt speak volumes, and there's no doubt in my mind that he has some killer washboard abs.

Something Bruno most certainly does
not
have, given his stocky build.

Whoever Ricardo's mother was, must have been one heck of a stunner because this man is ridiculously gorgeous.

“Did you hear me, Lucianna?” Bruno roars, tearing me away from ogling his son.

I take another sip of wine. “Sorry, mio amore. I did not.”

His face grows soft for a moment. He loves when I call him
mio amore
.

He tugs on my hand until I'm standing up. I halt him and down the rest of my wine. I notice Ricardo shaking his head in my peripheral vision.

I take a step and stumble slightly—guess I must be drunker than I thought, after all.

Bruno moves his chair away from the table and pulls me across his lap.

I wrap my arms around his neck, it's been years since I've cuddled in his lap like this and I miss it so much.

It reminds me of the times he was good to me...the times he protected me.

Before he turned into my worst nightmare.

A nightmare I can't ever seem to wake up from or untangle my heart from.

“Like I was telling Ricardo, I think we need to have a ring girl at the fight club,” Bruno says.

I giggle in my drunken stupor. “But I thought they fought in cages, not rings.”

The hand that was making its way up my thigh stops and he sighs. “They do. It's just an expression. But I want to know what you think about that idea.”

Across the table, I see Ricardo's nostrils flair and I know he's annoyed that DeLuca's asking me.

And honestly, I don't even
know
why he's asking my opinion in the first place.

However, I know my role and I play it well. “If you think it's a good idea then so do I, mio amore.”

“You sure that's not just the
sauce
talking, sweetheart?” Ricardo interjects, his Bronx accent much thicker than I noticed earlier.

I ignore him and run a hand along Bruno's jaw. “You're the most brilliant man I've ever met. You know what's best for the club.”

I tilt my head and give Ricardo a big '
fuck you
' smile. “Because it's yours and
only
yours.”

I know Ricardo wants DeLuca's club—but I also know that DeLuca isn't willing to just hand it over to him, at least not for another seven years.

Maybe now Ricardo will stop with his snide comments and judgmental glances.

Bruno always told me that you need to cut people down to size first before they do it to you. It's the only way to get the upper hand.

Bruno kisses my jaw and runs a hand along my inner thigh. “Good girl,” he whispers in my ear. “Are you ready for your surprise now?”

I nod, the movement sending a brief rush of dizziness through me.

“It seems you're outnumbered, Ricardo. Both Lucianna and I think it would be a good idea to hire a ring girl.”

He throws his napkin down and flicks a hand in my direction. “
Her
opinion doesn't even count!” he yells. “The fight club is no place for a woman. It's dangerous.”

“We'll hire additional security,” Bruno argues.

“It's
still
not enough.”

“So make sure
you
protect the girl I hire.”

Bruno latches on to my waist and sits up in his seat. “You know it's a good business move. Our major demographic at the fight club is male. And we have more bet's coming in and more people watching the fights than ever before. We need some kind of eye candy.”

Ricardo appears to think about this for a moment. “Fine,” he says. “I don't like it, but I suppose you have a point. But the second someone attacks one of those girls, it's done and I don't want to hear another word about it.”

“Girl,” Bruno says.

Ricardo cocks an eyebrow. “What?”

“We only need one girl.”

“Okay,” Ricardo says before taking a sip of his water.

“And my bambina here is just the right girl for the job.”

My jaw drops and Ricardo chokes on his water. “You
can't
be serious. We need a professional.”

“She
is
a professional,” Bruno declares.

Ricardo flashes a smile in my direction, showcasing his bright white teeth. I'm willing to bet he paid good money for them considering how perfect they are. “Oh, I'm
sure
she's a professional, alright. Just not the kind we need down at the club.”

My cheeks flush and I narrow my eyes at him. I can't believe this douchebag just insinuated that I was some kind of call girl.

“How
dare
you!” I scream while Bruno smirks.

“It's a done deal, she's hired,” Bruno says.

Ricardo pushes his chair back. “Look, no offense to your girlfriend here...and I use that term loosely. But the
last
thing we need is some jail bait
Lindsay Lohan
holding cue cards up in all her drunken glory at the club.” His expression turns serious. “She'll get eaten alive. Someone will take advantage of her in her inebriated state and I won't have that on my conscience.”

“She's clean,” Bruno says. “It won't be a problem.”

Ricardo snorts. “She just downed almost two bottles of wine by herself in one sitting. She's barely over 100lbs.”

He stands up and points at me. “Not to mention, she's got more tracks running down her arms than the Long Island Railroad.” He fixes his intense gaze on me and I feel myself shrink down. “I don't know who you think you're fooling, honey...but it's sure as hell,
not
me.”

Bruno nudges me off his lap. “She's been clean for over two months. She hasn't gone near the stuff.” His eyes darken. “Now, she's hired and that's the end of it. You
will
take her back to the city with you,
tonight
.”

“What?” I screech at the same time Ricardo yells, “
Fuck
, no.”

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