Better Than Chocolate (Sweet Somethings Book 1) (14 page)

“That’s Ryan
with you
. Not me.”

“But you’re not into touchy-feely.”

“Are you sure?” she challenges.

It warrants a moment of thought. Sadie and Ryan were never big on public displays of affection. I assumed Sadie wasn’t the sort who liked that from a boyfriend. But that’s really not true. She’s very demonstrative with Nelson. Hell, she hugs me more than she’s ever hugged Ryan. Maybe it was just the dynamics of their relationship, not their preferences.

My brain still doesn’t want to accept this. “Then why did he ask you out?”

She shrugs. “It just sort of happened. He’d given up on you picking up his hints and had decided you just weren’t into him. We were sitting around one day while you were at class, and I asked him if he thought we might give dating a try. We were good friends already. Seemed like a logical step.”

“So the only reason you got together in the first place was because I wasn’t interested in him?”

“You could say that. Not that it wasn’t a good fit at first. We had a lot of fun. But we weren’t in love. We were just friends trying to make something match a picture in our heads, and in the end it wasn’t enough.”

“But he proposed.”

Sadie nods. “I think he was getting pressure from all sides. We’d been together for almost six years, people thought it was time.” She sighs and straightens. “I shouldn’t have accepted. We knew the next day it was a mistake, but both of us were too stubborn to do anything about it. We thought it was the right thing to do, but everything went downhill.”

“The nagging and little arguments.”

“Yeah.”

Flopping back, I rub my forehead. “But you knew the whole time that he was still in love with me.”

She kicks off her sandals and squeezes into the chair with me. “I think he tried to stop, to just see you as a friend. It took a lot of effort for him to keep our relationship going while you lived in Atlanta. When you moved to Savannah, it was easier for him. But whenever you came to visit, I saw that struggle in him again. He wanted to be loyal, he wanted you as a friend. But his heart wouldn’t leave him alone.”

With a groan, I hide my face in the crook of my elbow as tears form again. “So at the end of it, it’s still all my fault.”

Her arm snakes around my shoulders. “No. Don’t you dare think that, Carmella.”

“It’s cause and effect,” I say. “You and Ryan ultimately broke up because he’s been in love with me since, like, forever. You got together with him in the first place because I wasn’t interested, didn’t even realize how he felt. We met him in the first place because I got pushed into a shrub.”

“And I met you because you were lost on orientation day.” Her arm tightens. “Don’t you dare think I have any regrets. Without you, I probably never would have met Ryan at all, and he was—is—a good friend. But if there’s one thing I need you to remember, it’s this.” She takes my chin, turning my face so I have to meet her eyes. “You are my best friend. For better or for worse, that will never change. And I’m beyond lucky to have you. End of story.”

The unusual seriousness in her expression draws a smile from me, and soon both of us are giggling. Finally, heads back against the chair, we sigh.

“So what happens now?” I ask.

Sadie wriggles out of the chair and smooths her dress. “Well, Nelson and I take the girls on a yachting trip, then come back to Christiansted to start married life. You go back to Savannah to pursue curator positions and buttercream.”

I stand as well. “And what about Ryan?”

She pauses, hands on her hips. “Did he kiss you?” She smirks when I blush in answer. “And how did that go?”

“Before or after I slapped him?”

“You slapped him?”

Shrugging, I grimace. “I was upset and mad, and I freaked out.”

“Okay. Then before.”

For a minute, I replay the kiss in my mind. Relive the feeling of Ryan’s arms around me, holding me close. The way the possessive, insistent, perfect press of his lips made me lose a sense of time and control, made me want to experience that rush again. I don’t even realize I’ve started to smile until I come back to the here and now to see Sadie nodding.

“Ah. Got it.” She gives me a knowing grin and hugs me. “Go to bed. Have breakfast with me and Nelson and the girls tomorrow. Go home, get back to real life. Everything will sort itself out in the end.”

She heads for the door, but I call her back. “Sadie, tell me the truth. Did you set up my travel arrangements so I’d run into Ryan?”

“There was never a guarantee, but yeah. I figured the odds were good, and maybe he’d finally take the chance to speak up.” The grin turns mischievous. “You know how I like to play matchmaker with you.”

Chapter 16

Bittersweet Partings

Despite Sadie’s desire to have breakfast with me in the morning, I don’t expect the newlyweds to appear until just before I have to leave for the airport. My return flight boards a little after ten o’clock, so I’m packed and ready to go by six-thirty. I enjoy a solitary moment with my coffee cup in the hotel lobby and try to gather my thoughts, to make sense of everything I’ve learned in the last twenty-four hours.

The attempt is a failure.

With a sigh, I drain my cup, put on my floppy hat, and flag down the concierge. He assured me when I came downstairs that he’d get my luggage into Nelson’s private car once I’m ready. I hand over my suitcase and messenger bag.

A
ding
sounds across the lobby as the elevator doors open. I turn, expecting a sleep-tousled Sadie.

But Ryan steps out instead.

“Hey.” He draws near, his garment bag and laptop case over one shoulder. His eyes lock on mine, begging me not to run again.

My voice won’t work for a minute, and in the silence, the concierge steps forward. “Good morning, Mr. Wutkowski. Will you and Miss Sannarelli be riding to the airport together?”

Ryan shakes his head. “No. She’s waiting to say goodbye to the Mattinglys before she goes. We’re on different flights anyway.” He turns to me. “I have to go back to San Juan to catch my connection home.”

“How are you getting to the airport?” I ask.

“Taxi.” He glances at the concierge. “Too early for you to call one for me?”

“Not at all, sir. May I take your bags? They will be kept with Miss Sannarelli’s in the secure bellhop room until your taxi arrives. It should take about a half an hour. Will that be all right?”

“Sure.” Ryan turns over his bags, then shoves his hands into his pockets. He sighs, pinning me again with an intense gaze. “Can we take a quick walk?”

Something quivers in the bottom of my ribcage. “You don’t have a lot of time to―”

“Just to the end of the terrace.” He extends one hand.

I stare at his palm for a few seconds before meeting his eyes again. My stomach flutters, and I hold my breath.

“Please, Carmel-cakes?”

Nodding slowly, I exhale. He moves closer, his fingers almost brushing the back of my arm. My skin tingles, anticipating the touch, but I spin away before he makes contact. He follows me to the tall glass doors leading to the pool deck, never saying a word. I keep two steps ahead of him, my heart pounding an uneven rhythm.

I’m being ridiculous. This is Ryan, for God’s sake. I’ve known him for almost a decade. I have no reason to march along like he’s escorting me to a firing squad or something.

Except now I know. He’s loved me for almost a decade. And there is a firing squad at the end of the terrace. A firing squad aimed at our friendship, poised to shoot down everything I thought I knew about our shared history.

The sun hangs above the horizon, casting a brilliant sparkle over the ocean. I squint with the glare as we come to the railing along the edge of the terrace. Ryan steps up beside me. I quickly put on my sunglasses to hide my eyes so he won’t know I’m not meeting his.

He clears his throat. “I’m sorry about last night.”

“Which part?”

“The part when I acted like a Neanderthal.”

I risk a sidelong glance, but he’s not looking at me. “There was more than one part when you acted like a Neanderthal, Ry.”

He pivots, leaning one hip into the railing as he reaches for my hands. I give an involuntary shiver and keep my chin lowered as he turns me to face him.

“Rattle off the list. I’ll apologize for every offense.”

Daring to lift my eyes, I glare at him over the rim of my sunglasses. “You wouldn’t let anybody else dance with me.”

“Guilty as charged.”

“You were ready to throw Josh overboard.”

His jaw clenches for a moment. “I was out of line. I know you had it under control.” He clearly doesn’t like admitting that. “I was acting on instinct.”

“Was it instinct that made you grab me and kiss me?”

He grows still at my challenge, and my heart does one of those confusing, irritating flips when he lets go of my hands. I huff a breath, press my lips together, and wait. When he doesn’t move, just continues to stare at me, I start counting to distract myself from the intensity in his eyes. Finally, he reaches up, removes my hat and sunglasses, and sets them on a nearby chair before turning back to me. Heat rushes to my cheeks, and he searches my face as I try to breathe normally. My lungs feel shallow and ineffectual, the same as that moment on the walkway after the wedding when he confessed.

My nerves start to twist, and I tremble. “You said you’d apologize if I listed―”

“I’m not sorry for kissing you.”

His low whisper shakes a little, and he steps forward, sliding his hands around my waist to pull me close. I bring my palms to his chest, give the slightest resistance to keep some space between us. But my fingers flutter, then curl into his shirt. I bow my head, press my cheek against the steady beat of his heart. His arms tighten, his breath ruffles my hair, and he sways, matching the tide like he did that night in Puerto Rico. For a few minutes, everything feels calm.

Normal.

Comfortable.

Right.

“I love you, Carmella. I always have.”

My eyes fly open. Reality grips me, the confused, guilty flutters in my core at odds with the awareness of a perfect fit. Ryan and I match. But I never thought of him as anything but a friend. My friend, and Sadie’s boyfriend, then fiancé.

Sadie knew everything, yet never said a word. She just went along with it all, hoping for the best but knowing she could never come first in his heart. And that’s why she ran away, finding someone who would love her first in the process.

I struggle to keep tears at bay as I step back, out of his embrace.

His hands linger, his brows lowered in confusion. “What’s wrong?”

The breeze picks up, a brief gust that chills me in spite of its warmth. I already miss the feeling of his arms around me, sense the places he’s touched me. Skirting around him, I retrieve my hat and sunglasses, clutching them to my chest like a shield as I back toward the resort.

“Sadie’s my best friend.”

“I know that.”

“I can’t hurt her.”

He steps toward me, taking me by the shoulders. “You won’t. She understands.”

“But I don’t, Ryan.”

He freezes again, but only for a few seconds. Then he lifts his hands to my cheeks and tilts my face up to his. “I’ll say it again. I’ll say it every day if that’s what it takes for you to believe me.”

Plain honesty flashes in his eyes, along with a yearning that tugs at my heart.

Breath hitching, I close one hand around his left wrist. “I do believe you. But it’s not that simple, and you know it. You can’t just keep something like this from somebody for so long, then throw it at their feet and expect it all to come together in a nice, neat package.”

His gaze travels over my face, then he runs his fingers through my hair, tucking a wayward tendril behind my ear. “I don’t expect it to come together overnight. But I’m sick of keeping it a secret. There’s no reason I shouldn’t act on it now. I’ve waited years for you.”

A new thought worms its way to the front of my mind. I swallow, knowing how much I could hurt him right now. “How do you know it’s not just a leftover shadow? Now that you’re free and doing something about it, how do you know it won’t disappear?”

Lips firming, he straightens a little, though he doesn’t pull his hands away. “Have I ever been the kind of guy who waffles on anything this important? Do you think I’d ever hurt you like that, even say something if I had any doubts?”

I shake my head. “No. You’re one of the most loyal, devoted people I know. And I trust you. I know you’d never hurt me.”

“And I know my own heart, Carmella.”

He leans in. My lips part and soften, beyond my will, and my eyes drift closed.

But then someone behind me clears his throat, and Ryan jerks away. I spin, blushing, as the bellhop shifts his weight, embarrassed to interrupt.

“Your taxi has arrived, sir.”

Ryan scratches the back of his head and mutters a thank you, while I keep my eyes trained to the pavers at our feet.

I cover my mouth with one hand. “You’d better go, or you’ll miss your flight.”

He nods, then takes a few steps toward the lobby. He pauses, turns back, and stuffs his fists into his pockets. “You know how I feel. But what about you?”

I look up, forehead creased. Our eyes meet, and that strange, delightful, out-of-place burn starts across my cheeks and down my neck. But at the same time, uncertainty and guilt congeal in the pit of my stomach, sending a roll of nausea up my throat.

“I don’t know,” I reply, my voice small.

“Well, I think I do. Let me know when you figure it out.”

Rubbing one hand over his face, he walks away, and I fight the urge to run after him.

By the time I mentally reorient myself and return to the lobby, Sadie, Nelson, and the girls have come down and are waiting to say goodbye. I force myself to put on a cheerful face, though the last thing I feel like doing is smiling. Katrina and Rose run over when I walk through the doors, and I’m glad I make the effort for their sakes.

Katrina clutches a little pink book and a pen with a feather glued to the cap. “Can I have your address, Carmella? I want to send you postcards while we’re on our trip.”

My smile turns genuine. “I’d love that. I hope I’ll hear from both of you.”

She hops from foot to foot while I scribble my address on the page she indicates. She already used a purple gel pen to write my name across the top in bubble letters. I jot down my address and draw hearts and stars in the corners, then hand the book back and accept enthusiastic hugs from both girls.

Sadie links arms with me as I approach the main entrance. “I have to say thank you again, honey. Really. This week wouldn’t have been the same without you.”

“I agree,” Nelson adds, shaking my free hand. “And I hope we’ll have the opportunity to visit with you again soon.”

He holds the door open for us. The private car, the same shiny black BMW that brought me from the airport earlier this week, idles at the curb.

I sigh, and Sadie engulfs me in a hug. This time, I’m prepared and return the hug with an extra squeeze. “Keep in touch, Sadie-lady. You’ve got this brand new glamorous life ahead of you. Don’t forget about us peons.”

“You’re nobody’s peon.” She takes my shoulders, staring into my eyes for a solid half-minute. “We’ll come visit soon. I promise. It’ll be just like old times.”

I nod and pat her arm. But deep inside, I know things will never be the same.