Before Hadley (15 page)

My brows furrowed. “With art?”

She shrugged. “Just in general.”

“Hadley. You’re determined. There’s not a doubt in my mind that you’ll get whatever you want in life.”

“Yeah, well, I was determined to stay away from you. Look how well that turned out.”

My head fell forward and I laughed because it was the truth. I hadn’t given her much choice. And I never would’ve never taken no for an answer. I’d weakened her defenses. And I had no regrets. I felt larger than life when she was with me—and guilty as sin.

“I’m scared of never feeling the way I do right now.”

My laughter subsided. She looked so vulnerable. So honest. I couldn’t peel my eyes away from her, even if I wanted to.

“You don’t have to say anything,” she said. “I just realized it was something I was scared of.”

Without thinking of anything but the girl beside me, the girl who feared losing me, I leaned over and sealed my lips over hers. She hadn’t expected it, I could tell by her sharp intake of breath before my lips touched down. And for the first time all morning, I could care less about the hundred plus feet that separated me from the ground. Or the job I had to do. It was Hadley and me in that moment.
Just
Hadley and me. And the fact that her feelings for me were so strong that they scared her, made me both elated and a complete asshole.

Hadley

Any snakes in your toilet today?

I smiled as I typed a reply to Caynan’s text on Thursday afternoon—one of many he’d sent since leaving for Atlanta’s Mid-Week Classic baseball tournament on Tuesday.
None today. Three last night. If you were here, you could’ve helped.

Why is it that all girls need me?
I could practically hear his arrogance from across the state.

My thumbs went to work.
Don’t make me go back to hating you.

You never hated me.

I wondered if the other guys harassed him for the amount of time he’d spent texting me over the last three days.
Believe what you will, player.

We’re back to player, huh?

Just playing. Pun totally intended.
I laughed at my own wittiness.

Can I see you when I get back?

I wondered if his excessive texts had anything to do with what I’d said on the water tower.
Ugh
. Me and my big mouth. I sent him one last text.

“Hell-o. Best friend still here,” Cass’ voice echoed through my kitchen.

My eyes lifted from the phone, glancing to her sitting at the center island. “Sorry.” I tossed it down on the island.

“No need. It’s about time you were happy.”

I laughed. “I’ve never been unhappy.”

She shrugged. “I just meant he’s good for you…I still can’t believe what you told him.”

I’d held off telling her what I’d said on the water tower for fear of feeling even more embarrassed than I already did. “Unfortunately, I did.”

“Well, who knows? Maybe you played it right.”

The oven buzzed, stealing my attention. “It’s not a game, Cass.”

“Tell that to the guy you made chase you.”

I laughed as I slipped on an oven mitt and walked to the oven, opening the door and pulling out a cookie sheet filled with pastry. “What do you think tonight’s all about?” I placed the cookie sheet on a cooling rack on the counter.

“I give you props, girl. Bold move.”

I slipped off the oven mitt and tossed it at her. “Yeah, well it’s out there.”

“I’ll say.”

Caynan

I stared down at Hadley’s last text. I hadn’t been able to look at much else since it arrived during the bus ride home. Even as I climbed the steep driveway to her dark house, my eyes were glued to my phone.
Tonight. 7. My house. Alarm code 4-8-6-9.

It wasn’t the implication of the text and what I hoped it meant. It was what she’d given me. A way into her home. A way into her family’s safe where I assumed a million dollar pistol would be kept. A way to destroy everything between us.

My growing guilt gnawed away at my sanity as I climbed the concrete steps to the front door. I had no idea what would happen inside. Being away at the tournament made it easy to forget the pistol. But now that I was back, and her parents were still away
and
my father had been up my ass to get it done, it seemed like the best time to do it. But I had a feeling waiting until she left with them the following night, made a lot more sense.

I punched in the four-number code on the alarm keypad. A green light shined. I almost wished it hadn’t. I turned the knob on the front door and pushed it open.

Stepping inside the foyer, my eyes jumped around, trying to adjust to the darkness. “Hadley?” I expected her to greet me—expected her to at least be nearby. When she wasn’t, I closed my eyes tightly, gathering the nerve to proceed. I pulled in a long shaky breath then released it, opening my eyes. The soft rustling of the light breeze outside surrounded me. “Hadley?” I tried again.

“In here,” her voice trailed in from the back of the house.

I expelled a deep breath—relief, disappointment, and excitement all wrapped up in one.
Please let her be naked.

Yup, so I wasn’t just an asshole, I was a horny asshole.

I walked down the marble hallway, my sneakers squeaking a little with each step. Soft music played in the back of the house. Was that a British boy band? I stepped into the industrial sized kitchen. Her voice had definitely echoed from the cavernous room, with its perfect lighting and massive island, which was unexpectedly empty. “Hadley?”

“What’s wrong, player?” she taunted with a smile in her voice. “Having a little trouble?” 

My head shot around. She wasn’t behind me. I knew she wouldn’t be. Her voice came from too far away. “You do know what I’m gonna do when I find you, don’t you?”

Her giggles trailed in from yet another direction. “I sure hope so.”

The words from the song filtered in from outside, drawing my attention to the open French doors off the kitchen. I stepped into the doorway. My body froze. I blinked several times, forcing the amazing sight to stay in focus.

Throughout her sprawling back yard sat London Bridge constructed with Styrofoam and rope. Big Ben made from stacked cardboard boxes with a clock face painted at the top. A standup cardboard cutout of the same boy band whose voices played softly as suspected. A huge plate of some kind of pastry—crumpets if Hadley was keeping with the theme—sat on the patio table, along with tiny tea cups surrounding a tea kettle.

It must’ve taken her days to come up with the idea and construct it all.

For me.

Slender arms slipped around my hips from behind and linked across my stomach. “Welcome home.”

God, I was such a rotten person. She’d done all of this for me. Someone who’d never even been to England. Someone who continually lied to her. Someone who wasn’t fit to wash her car, let alone be a part of her life.

When this ended between us—which it would—it was going to be bad. Really bad. The worst one yet.

But still, even in the midst of my confusion and remorse, my guilt infused with something warm in the pit of my stomach. Something completely foreign to me.

Hadley had done this for
me
. She kept doing things for me. And while some might argue she didn’t know the real me, I knew the truth. She knew me better than anyone else. And though I couldn’t be completely honest about every aspect of my life, I’d been myself with her. I’d let her in as much as I could.

I turned to face her, making sure she didn’t drop her arms from my hips. I stared down into her beautiful blue eyes that gazed up at me. “I love it.”

Her lips twisted regrettably to the side. “I figured after the other night, you needed some reminders of home.”

The irony that her arms were one of the few places I’d ever felt at home had not been lost on me.

So how could I lie to her? How could I
keep
lying to her? Keep up this elaborate charade when she looked at me like I held her future? I’ll tell you how. I was a fake. A phony. Someone who entered people’s lives only to vanish, never to be seen or heard from again. Someone who took advantage of other’s weaknesses. Took advantage of other’s wealth. I was conditioned not to care if they’d earned their money or inherited it. I just knew they were a pawn in an elaborate game.

Hell. I was a pawn in an elaborate game. One where I didn’t make decisions, except how I took advantage of the people I’d been sent to target.

“When did you do all this?”

“While you were away—come see.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me outside toward the table, pushing me gently into a patio chair. I couldn’t let go of her. I wouldn’t. Not after what she’d done for me. I tugged her down into my lap earning me an adorable giggle as I hooked my arm around her and pulled her against me.

This right here…this is all I need
. No matter how wrong I knew it was to want it. To prolong the inevitable. I wanted it. I
needed
it.

Hadley smiled. Smiled in a way that told me I was it for her. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that if I offered to fuck her senseless right there and then, she would’ve accepted.

I’d fooled her. Fooled her like everyone else. And in that moment, I wished more than anything that I hadn’t brought her into my world. My life. My fucking heart. 

I shook off the notion, hearing the final verse of the song floating through the speakers. “Seriously?”

She threw back her head and laughed. So carefree. So happy. So damn pretty words didn’t do it justice. She grabbed a small remote from the table and pointed it at the iPhone dock. A Beatles song began.

I grabbed her cheeks between my hands. Mine were so much bigger than her delicate face. I loved the way she made me feel so much stronger. “You planned that all along, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t take you for a boy-band kind of guy. I can’t believe you made it through the entire song.”

“I can’t believe I made it through life without you.” The damn words tore out of me like a bat out of hell.

The truth wiped the smile right off her face. The playfulness in her eyes quickly transformed to shock.

You fucking idiot
.

I dropped my hands.

Hadley tilted her head, assessing my face through narrowed eyes for a long time. “Really?”

This was my chance to take it back. Backpedal. Get myself out of an awkward situation. “Absolutely.”

The smile that lit up her face erased any trepidation I’d felt. Hell, it made me hard. “I know what you mean,” she admitted.

“That’s it?”

She shook her head. “Nope.” She hopped off my lap and held out her hand. “I think they’re playing our song.” I stared down at her extended hand. Even if my inclination was to think dancing in the middle of Hadley’s backyard was the lamest thing going, with her, it felt right.
She
felt right.

I grabbed her hand and stood. She turned into me and wrapped her arms around my neck as I slipped my arms around her back, pulling her tightly into me. I loved the way the soft swells of her breasts pressed into me when we were close. A feeling I could seriously get used to. This time I didn’t have to keep it formal with a room full of people dressed to the nines. It was just Hadley and me. I could hold her however I wanted. We moved in time to the slow song in the middle of her patio surrounded by structures from England. The full moon illuminated them so I could see the time and effort she put into making each one lifelike and precise. “Your parents still away?”

She nodded.

Did that mean what I hoped it meant?

“Why’s your heart racing?” One of her hands trailed from my neck down the front of my shirt. The gentle pressure of her fingers sent a chill through me. “I can feel it.” Her hand rested over my heart. “Are you nervous about having me all to yourself in this big empty house?”

I swallowed around the giant lump in my throat. “Nervous is definitely not the word I’d use.”

Her face beamed up at me. “Excited?”

I pushed my hips into her, letting the bulge in my jeans speak for itself.

Her eyes rounded. “Oh. Excited it is.”

I’d been with lots of girls. But at that moment, with Hadley in my arms, I had absolutely no idea how to proceed. My eyes flicked toward the table, settling on the tea pot. “Did you really make tea?”

She grinned as her head moved from side to side. “Long Island ice tea.”

I laughed. “You really went all out.”

“I figured if you didn’t want to stay, I’d get you sloppy drunk so you had no other choice.”

My smile stretched to my eyes, excitement grabbing hold of every part of my body. This girl would be the death of me. “So you want me to stay?”

She nodded, her eyes showing a nervousness her words hadn’t indicated.

I wanted to reassure her. No. I needed to reassure her. I leaned down to meet her lips, stopping an inch away. “Good. Because I really want to kiss you in the morning.”