“You, too . . . Anaya?”
“Yes?”
“You look
amazing
!”
I smiled and turned to leave. But then I had a thought. Turning back, I said, “By the way, boy or girl?”
“Girl.”
I smiled, despite the spear that slashed at my heart.
On the way back to the car, I tried to picture myself in the delivery room having Jeff's baby. The picture was blurry, though. And with good reason: We would never be together again.
When I got to the limo, my family was already sitting inside. As I climbed in, Aunt Marie gave me a small, knowing smile.
I saw Jeff sitting in his car as we drove down the hill toward the freeway. He didn't look over when the limo passed, he just sat staring straight ahead. I looked over at Carl. He smiled. I nudged his leg with my foot.
On the ride home, I replayed in my mind the few minutes with Jeff. The old feelings came rushing back. It all happened so fastâ the relationship, the breakup, Sophie's addiction, Mom's death.
Aunt Marie's house was full. I'd never seen so many people in there beforeâcousins, aunts, and uncles I hadn't laid eyes on in years. Some, I had never seen.
Aunt Marie had a black-and-white photo of Mom blown up and placed on an easel near the front door. I had taken it one day while Mom was cooking in the kitchen. Something about the way she looked had made me want to take her picture; she was cheerful and beautiful. I remember asking her to look at the camera, and she raised her head up high, lifted her spatula in the air, and gave me a big smile. It was the perfect picture of her. As I listened to people telling old stories about Mom, nothing could take away the raw pain of losing her, but the picture was comforting.
I hugged Roscoe as I passed him in the hallway.
“I'm going to head home soon,” he said to me.
It made me realize that, in a few days, it would be just Ava, Roscoe, Sophie, and me. Our house had been busy with relatives and friends for the past few weeks, so we hadn't had time alone in the house since before Mom died. But soon, the company would be gone. We'd be alone with all the memories of Andrew and Mom. I pictured Mom in heaven, fussing at Drew.
Go easy on him, Mom.
How could I not have seen before how short life is? We get only a certain amount of time. I had decided to accept the interviews for the teaching jobs and go directly to graduate school. Why wait? I would use the money from my parents to help me get through graduate school. My independence had long awaited my arrival. I looked around at the people I thought needed me so much. They were all fineâI was the one who needed to get moving.
Ava didn't cry much, but I knew everyone grieved in different ways. She was steadfast in her faith. With all my new plans for the future, one thing would remain the same. I would still be living at home with my sister and my dad. Along with my newfound independence came the ability to make decisions, and I knew without a doubt that I wanted to stay home for a while longer.
I got a phone call from Judy. “Your mom was a wonderful woman,” she said. “She loved you a lot, and she was proud of you.”
“Thank you, Judy. And thank you for calling.”
“When are you coming to see me?” she asked.
“When's a good time?”
“Anytime soon,” she responded.
Aunt Marie walked into the living room to put some refreshments on the table and pick up a couple of empty cups. I could tell she was tired, but she looked as beautiful as ever. Uncle Allen walked up behind her and took the cups. She thanked him and gave him a kiss. They had reconnected, or rekindled, or whatever it is couples do when they need to get the spice back in their marriages. It was a beautiful sight, and I felt happiness for Aunt Marie.
Sophie and Catie were on a couch, with Antoine sitting between them. I wasn't surprised to see him at Mom's funeral, but I was surprised to find out he had come with Catie.
Sophie looked content. Her complexion had cleared up, and she had gotten a haircut. When she laughed at something that Catie had said, she tossed her curls out of her face in the way that I found so endearing.
“Love you,” she mouthed to me across the room.
“Love you,” I mouthed back.
Carl looked incredibly handsome in a suit. I knew I loved him, even if it wasn't the passionate, aching love I had for Jeff. I once heard someone say that you're supposed to be with the one who loves you, rather than the one you love. I don't know who makes up that crap. What I do know is that it feels good to have a man who is totally mine. What I have with Carl can grow, and but what I had with Jeff had no way to change.
I walked over to Carl and squeezed his knee. He reached over and kissed me on the forehead. As I sat down next to him, I closed my eyes. Later tonight, I'd finally tell Mom about Jeff.
“Always be prepared for anything,” she said. “But I'll never leave you.”
I thanked her, and I put my head on Carl's shoulder.