“She's not that kind of girl, Catie,” Sophie replied. “You already know that. She likes this guy, and the fact that she has to share him hurts her. If she doesn't leave now, she's gonna keep going back to him, and it's
never
gonna be over.”
“Why have you been keeping this from us?” Catie hissed at me. “Better yet, how have you been keeping this from us? You're a sneaky little liar.”
“Because she's been so busy trying to make sure
we're
okay,” Sophie said. “She hasn't had time for herself.”
“We haven't been having issues every single day of the week,” Catie insisted. “She's had time to tell us what's going on. Ny's a sneaky little thing.”
“Catie,” Sophie said, “it's not easy for a woman to confess she fell in love with someone's husband. That's unacceptable. Also, there's the fact that she saw it coming. Something she probably doesn't want to admit.”
Catie frowned. “Who cares that he's married?” she said. “He obviously loves you. Be with him.”
“And then what, Catie?” Sophie argued. “If he did it to his current wife, why wouldn't he do it to Ny when he meets somebody else? Then what? She will end up like my mom, spending her days and nights waiting for him to come home. No one deserves to live like that. You're doing the right thing, Ny.”
“You need to be quiet, So-
fee
-a,” Catie said. “All of a sudden you're a damn life counselor? Life's hard and short. If she loves this man, and this man can take care of her, I repeat: What's the problem?”
“It's over now,” I said. “He's married. He has a wife and a life that doesn't include me. There's no place for me.”
“Have you seen her?” Sophie asked with a mouthful of bread.
“What does she look like?”
“She's pretty,” I said.
“You think
every
damned body is pretty,” Catie snapped. “If you stay with him, he'll leave her. He loves you, girl. Just give him time. Divorce is a big step. He don't wanna give that woman half of everything he has and then support her for the next fifteen years.”
“You don't want him to leave his wife,” Sophie said. “Because then he'll do the same thing to you one day. Plus, you said he has kids. You hate kids.” Sophie picked up another piece of bread.
“You gonna blow up like a little piglet, if you keep eating that bread,” Catie said.
“I don't hate kids,” I said.
“Yes, you do,” they said in unison.
“That's not true. Well, maybe it is.” I sighed heavily. “You think he would bring his kids with him if we got together?”
We all laughed.
“Silly girl!” Catie said.
“Ny, you have your whole life ahead of you, girl,” said Sophie.
“You're beautiful and smart, and there's someone out there who'll give you what you deserve. You don't wanna raise some other woman's kids.”
“Yeah, they probably look like her, too,” Catie said. “I know you don't want little people running around your house who look like the ex-wife. It'll ruin your mood.” She laughed.
“Seriously,” Sophie said, “It's hard right now, but you're doing the right thing. You know that, don't you?”
“I do. I miss him so much, though.” I wiped away a tear.
“You know what you need?” Catie advised. “A different atmosphere. It's dead in here. I know where we can go. A friend of mine's having a get-together tonight.” She looked over at Sophie. “And don't worry, there'll be bread there.”
Sophie shrugged.
On the way to the party, I thought about the conversation with my friends. I should have talked to them about Jeff a long time ago. Things might not have gotten so bad if I had opened up to them. But that was probably why I didn't tell anybodyâI didn't want anybody to talk me out of it.
When we arrived at the house having the party, the street was dimly lit, and there were only a few cars parked outside.
“What kind of bootleg party is this?” Sophie asked when Catie turned the engine off.
“Oh hush. Like you have something better to do? Come on.”
We walked up a few cobblestone steps. I struggled to balance in my four-inch sandals.
“Diva!” the hostess hollered when she opened the door.
“Hey!” Catie greeted her.
London was a friend of Catie's from Fresno. She was very over the top, wearing all red with hair that hung down to her waist. Her lips were extra shiny, her makeup was piled on flawlessly, and her contacts were blue. She told us to make ourselves comfortable.
“I love that gloss,” Catie cooed to her.
“Nars, baby. It's fabulous. Just like
moi
.” London blew a kiss in the air and disappeared into another room. I looked around the beautiful foyer that led to a spacious den.
“Wow,” I whispered to Catie. “Is this London's house?”
“No, it's her boyfriend's,” she whispered back.
“Wow, does she live here?”
“I don't know,” Catie groaned, exasperated, as we followed London farther into the house.
“What does her boyfriend do for a living?” I whispered to Catie.
“If you don't shut the hell up with your nosy tourist questions, I'm gonna cut you,” Catie cautioned through clenched teeth.
Sophie laughed.
London led us to a game room where there were at least twenty other people. Catie grabbed a drink immediately. There was a huge TV, pinball, and a video game. A pool table was featured in the center of the room. A couple of people were playing, while others sat around talking. Light music played in the background.
London brought a plate of appetizers into the room and sat near her boyfriend, Reggie.
When Sophie took three breaded chicken wings and put them on a plate, Catie laughed.
“Alright chubby-kins. You are gonna regret eating so much.”
“London looks cute,” Sophie said, ignoring Catie's insult. “I haven't seen her in a long time.”
The three of us sat on a small, circular couch, the color of a tangerine. We talked, ate, and drank wine. Sophie stuck with water.
“All I wanna know,” a girl said to no one in particular in the room, “is how you go to a zoo to look at animals and don't come out alive.” She was referring to a recent tiger attack.
“Tigers are savage beasts,” London quipped. “You can't take a wild animal and lock him up for too long. He's bound to attack somebody. Ain't that right, Boo?”
Reggie smiled. He was very handsome.
“Tigers aren't savage by nature,” Catie asserted, working on her second drink since we had been at the party, and her fourth drink of the night.
I nudged her. When Catie drank too much, she had a tendency to become an expert on everything. Sophie gave me a knowing look, and I nudged Catie again.
“Damn!” Catie said, nudging me back a lot harder than I had nudged her. “That hurts!”
I ignored her.
“The radio said they were taunting the tiger,” another girl pointed out. “Even so, you would think that the zoo would make tiger cages more foolproof.”
Reggie chimed in, “All I know is, I won't be taunting any tigers in the near future, and I offer that valuable piece of advice to all you lovely ladies. Now, I'm gonna go away to attend to business and let you all have your ladies' night.”
“Okay, Boo,” London said.
He kissed her and went out of the room. When he was gone, she started to act like a teenager.
“Oooh, weee, that boy is
good
to me! Y'all hear me?”
“Yeah, girl,” Catie said, holding up her drink.
“Does what I want, when I want him to. Gives me what I need, when I need it.” London snapped her fingers and did a two-step. She was so dramatic.
“Well, looks like you got a good one this time,” Catie said. “What more could a girl ask for?”
One of the guests, Melinda, replied, “How about a house key?”
“Shut the hell up!” London warned.
But Melinda kept going. “You practically live here already.”
Catie asked, incredulous, “You don't have a key to this place?”
London admitted, “Not yet. But I will soon, baby.”
She said this with a snap of her fingers.
“Well, that means you haven't been doing what I showed you,” Catie said, standing up.
“I don't want to chase him off. They get scared when they think you're a pro.”
“Whatever. I bet if you do it tonight, you'll have a key tomorrow.”
Feeling tipsy, Catie sat back down.
“Men like it when you try new stuff,” Melinda said. “It keeps 'em guessing. Keeps the spice alive.”
“But you don't wanna be too risqué,” another guest said. “Some men don't like all that.”
“Um, what men have you been dealing with, darling?” London asked. “They all like a little freak nasty. Don't let them fool you.”
“Well, my ex told me he respected me,” the woman said, “and didn't like a lot of freaky stuff.”
“What were you trying to do?” Sophie asked.
“Let's just say I wanted to use some toys. He didn't wanna use any. He also didn't like oral sex, either way.”
“Those must have been some off-the-hook toys,” I said.
“Girl,” London said, “the next time you see him, he's gonna be wearing a glitter headband and some skinny jeans. All men like oral sex.
All
of 'em.”
“You might be right,” the woman said, gulping down her drink.
“That's one thing about men,” Melinda said. “They're so sneaky.
What have they got against telling the truth?”
“Don't start a man-bashing session here,” London said. “I have a good man, and he tells Miss London the truth at all costs. So cut that out, right now!”
“I hear that, London,” I said. “Stand up for your man.”
We all laughed.
We spent the rest of the night like a gaggle of hens, drinking. London turned up the music, and we danced as best we could on our drunken legs. Sophie was the only sober one, but she didn't dance any better than the rest of us. It was the most fun I had had in a long time.
Having fun like that made me wonder why I was leaving in the first place. I had enough support to stay. But I knew that my trouble wasn't only about Jeff. Leaving was about gaining independence. I wanted to live on my own and find out what I wanted in life. I was almost twenty-five and had never lived alone. It was time.
Does Jeff think of me as much as I think about him?
Admittedly, I'd mull on staying every now and then. But when my heart started to ache, and that stupid lump started to form again in my throat, I knew I needed to move on.
Somewhere around 3 a.m., we left the party. My house was the first stop.
“Ny, I love you,” Catie said.
“I love you, too,” I said, hugging her from the back seat.
“Call us if you need anything,” Sophie said. “And visit.”
“Don't forget the Seafood Festival, either,” Catie said. “You promised to go.”
“I will. I love you guys so much.” I hugged them again.
“Catie!” Sophie exclaimed. “Are you crying?”
“Hell, no, girl! I got allergies,” Catie said, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. “Take me home. Call me tomorrow, Ny.”
“I love you guys,” I said before getting out of the car.
We hugged in the street like I was being deployed to war.
It was after 3:30 a.m. when I threw myself down on my bed. I thought about calling Jeff, then I thought about getting undressed. But I fell asleep before I could do either one.
“W
hat are you gonna do with all of these?” Ava asked, walking into my bedroom and seeing clothes all over the floor. It was the day before I was to leave for the new job, and I had attempted to clean out my closet.
I walked over and gave Ava a bear hug. She must have been shocked, because a couple of seconds passed before she returned my embrace.
“What's wrong?” she asked.
I didn't answer. I couldn't, without crying. All I could do was hold her.
“Are you sad about leaving? It's not that far away. Mom said you'll only be there about three months, right?”
“Yeah, for the summer,” I finally managed to say, releasing her from my ninja hold.
“It'll be good for you. Besides, you never got to get away for college. Been sticking around here with us. It's time.”
I hugged her again and felt bad about the times I told people she was autistic or adopted.
“You see anything you want?” I said, motioning to the mound of clothes on my floor.
“Where do you get all this stuff?” she asked. “There's probably fifty pairs of jeans in here.”
Forty-six.
“Mostly Catie and Sophie,” I said.
“They
still
buy you clothes?”
“Mmm-hmm,” I answered. “Is that weird?”
“It's not weird. I think it's a blessing you have friends like that. God has been good to you.” She began to rummage through the piles.
“Ava?”
“Yes?”
“Does God forgive any sin?”
She paused and looked at me.
“Yes, he does. Any sin. God is forgiving, loving, and merciful.”
I felt a rush of ease and guilt at the same time.
“How are things going at school and at church?” I asked, trying to change the subject. Although I'd told Sophie and Catie about Jeff, I wasn't ready to tell anyone else.
“You are trying to change the subject, just like Mom does, but I won't pry. I love school. I'm thinking of stepping down as president of the Christian Club, because it takes up so much of my time, and I don't want to quit choir or drama club.”
I opened my mouth but quickly shut it. How ridiculous would I sound, telling my sister that I didn't know she was involved in any of those other things? What was wrong with me?