The little blond had charmed Matt in the hours he’d known him, and Matt was afraid he was going to miss Carlin when he went back to New York.
But he wouldn’t burden Carlin with such a ridiculous thought. Besides, maybe it was only the sexual attraction between them that Matt would miss. It was too much to try to figure out right now when Carlin was standing only a few feet away. Matt didn’t want to waste any of their time together brooding on his own thoughts. He wanted to get to know Carlin better, and the man had just given Matt an opening to do that.
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Matt gently touched Carlin’s shoulder and waited for the smaller man to look at him.
When Carlin did, Matt’s knees went weak at the need in Carlin’s expression.
“I want you to fuck me,” Carlin rasped, and Matt decided he’d get to know Carlin better in a different way for right now.
* * * *
Seeing Matt’s home, the care his grandparents had taken in building it, the paintings framed in the aged mesquite, Matt’s quiet pride in the quaintly decorated house, had only emphasised to Carlin how rooted in McKinton Matt really was. It was only then he realised he’d been entertaining the notion of Matt moving to New York so they could explore the possibility of a relationship between them.
But it wasn’t to be. Carlin could no more ask Matt to leave behind a place that was so clearly a part of him than Carlin could pack up everything and move to McKinton. All they could have was a few days together before Carlin left, and if that caused Carlin’s chest to feel tight, his heart to ache, there was nothing to be done about it. Matt’s hand tightened briefly on Carlin’s shoulder.
“Let me shower real quick, I still have your spunk all over my chest.”
Carlin turned to him and slid his arms around Matt’s hips. He pressed himself tightly against Matt’s bare chest, rubbing his cheek in the thick chest hair flecked with dried cum.
“I’d rather you didn’t, unless it’s driving you crazy. I like seeing it there.” Carlin buried his nose between Matt’s pecs and inhaled. “And I like smelling me on you, plus I did just doctor your back. I’d have to do it all over again before we could fuck, and I don’t want to wait that long.”
“Fuck it,” Matt muttered. “If you like it, it can stay, I don’t care.”
Instead of answering, Carlin pinched one of Matt’s nipples, softly at first, then harder as Matt grunted and pushed his chest out.
“You like your nipples bitten?” Another one of Carlin’s kinks. He tipped his head back and looked at Matt when he didn’t answer immediately. Matt was frowning down at him.
“I…I don’t know. No one’s ever messed with them, and I didn’t know it’d feel so good, but—”
Carlin grinned as he brushed off the flakes of dried semen on Matt’s nipple, then he took the little peak between his teeth and bit lightly while tonguing the tip.
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Matt panted and cupped the back of Carlin’s head. “Fuck, yeah, I like it.”
“Good,” Carlin murmured then he nipped the turgid bud again as he used one hand to pinch at Matt’s other nipple, mimicking the moves he made with his mouth.
“Jesus!” Matt arched his back, shoving his chest against Carlin’s face. In return, Carlin bit harder on the nipple he was sucking on, making Matt jerk and let up on the grip he had on Carlin’s head. Carlin drew in a ragged breath now his face wasn’t smooshed against Matt’s pec, then he laved the red swollen flesh with the flat of his tongue as he flicked his thumbnail over the other nipple.
“Carlin! Stop!” Matt tugged at the back of Carlin’s neck. “I’m gonna come in my pants if you do that again.”
“As tempting as it is to make you do just that, I’d rather have this”—Carlin dragged his hand down Matt’s chest, over the ridged abs and further down still until he cupped Matt’s erection—” inside me. The sooner the better.”
Matt let go of him and looked everywhere but at Carlin. “I want to, but…”
Carlin waited, studying Matt for clues to the man’s sudden discomfort. Was it too soon, or was Matt balking because he felt the act of anal sex would leave him unable to deny that he was gay, or bi? Though he rather thought, given the way Matt had so eagerly sucked and stroked Carlin’s dick earlier, it was a little too late for Matt to be having such doubts now.
Unable to wait any longer as his mind spun out different scenarios, and unwilling to give Matt any more time to change his mind, Carlin pulled the other man to him for a scorching kiss. Matt opened for him instantly, and Carlin licked into the other man’s mouth, flicking his tongue over Matt’s.
Matt groaned and grabbed Carlin’s ass, lifting him off his feet. Carlin wound his legs around Matt’s waist and plundered the man’s willing mouth as he realised whatever held Matt back, it wasn’t worries over his sexuality. Not when Matt was thrusting against him and kneading his cheeks while making the most exquisite sounds as Carlin ground against him.
Carlin’s eyes really wanted to close, but he wasn’t willing to look away from Matt’s blue gaze. The room spun as Matt turned and carried Carlin to the bed. Their teeth clacked together as Matt dropped onto the bed. Carlin was pinned under the man’s greater weight and it stoked his lust up to new heights.
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He cradled Matt’s face in his hands and licked at Matt’s lips. His pulse raced, arousal sensitising his skin, and nerve endings throughout his body were pinging, clamouring with the need to feel Matt inside him.
“Have to get naked,” Carlin said between nips along Matt’s jaw.
Matt growled and rolled off of him before sitting up. “I’m nervous,” he admitted as he gave Carlin a sideways glance. “I don’t want to do anything wrong, and I want this so badly I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”
Carlin melted inside, his raging lust tempered by an emotion he couldn’t bear to examine. He sat up and brushed the backs of his knuckles over Matt’s cheek, enjoying the prickly stubble rasping against his skin.
“You won’t hurt me,” Carlin assured. “I’ll show you how to make sure of it.”
Carlin stood and toed off his shoes before stripping off his clothes. He stood and let Matt examine him, noting the way Matt’s breathing sped up and his large hands fisted in his lap.
“You can touch me, if you want to.”
“I want to, very much.” Matt stood and removed his pants and underwear, his gaze on Carlin’s groin the entire time. Carlin was used to men looking at him, appreciating his lithe build and toned muscles.
Matt frowned and looked up at him. “You don’t have any hair. How did I not notice that before?”
“You were a little busy,” Carlin pointed out, hoping his voice didn’t betray his fear Matt would find his hairless body repulsive. “I’m not a very hairy guy to begin with, so I have what little I do have waxed off. It…I’m very tactile, and love the way being like this makes everything that touches my skin feel like so much…” Carlin stopped then shrugged. “It just seems to make me more sensitive to touch.”
Matt arched his eyebrows, but he stopped frowning and Carlin breathed a little easier as Matt looked him over head to toe.
“Turn around,” Matt ordered, twirling two fingers in the air. Carlin turned and presented his back to the man. He arched his lower back just a little to push his ass out, then glanced over his shoulder as Matt grunted.
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Carlin thought Matt looked a little dazed, but in a very good way. “Do you like?”
Carlin asked as he reached back and ran his hand over one butt cheek. “There’s not even a bit of fuzz, just smooth, warm skin.”
“Let me see.”
Carlin spread his legs shoulder width apart then bent forwards as he reached behind him again. He gripped his cheeks and pulled them apart, figuring if Matt didn’t freak out over such a raunchy display then he truly was comfortable with this side of his sexuality.
Matt didn’t freak at all. Carlin could see him even in this awkward position, and even upside down, Carlin could easily read the appreciation and desire in Matt’s expression.
“I’ve seen stuff like this online, but it never made me feel like I’m being burned from the inside out.”
Before Carlin could ask about the ‘stuff online’, Matt moved closer and smoothed one hand over Carlin’s ass while grabbing Carlin’s balls with the other.
“I like this no hair thing,” Matt muttered. “Like feeling your skin, so soft for such a hard looking body. And here—” Matt squeezed Carlin’s balls lightly, sending a bolt of need straight to Carlin’s hole. “These big balls fit in my palm, silky smooth. I never would have thought it could feel so erotic.”
“It does,” Carlin squeaked as a wave of lust swamped him. “Just don’t get rid of your pelt. I love a hairy man.”
Matt snorted. “As if. I have no desire to have all this hair ripped off, but I
do
desire you.” Matt shifted behind him and Carlin felt the fat crown of Matt’s dick press against his opening.
“Condom,” Carlin yelped, thinking he might be getting fucked before he was prepared after all. Between his need to have Matt’s dick buried deep in his ass, and Matt’s need to be there, Carlin was dangerously close to doing something stupid. “There’s one in my wallet.”
Matt stroked Carlin’s ass with cock and hand, then patted Carlin’s. “Unless you want to get fucked standing here like this, I’d suggest you get your ass on the bed in whatever position you want to be in.”
“Shit,” Carlin muttered. “You can’t say something like that and expect me to be able to think!”
“You don’t have to think, just
move
.”
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Carlin stood and turned around, sprinting for the bed, prodded by an urgent need for Matt. He leapt and landed on his hands and knees and promptly manoeuvred himself around until he had his head resting on his forearms and his ass in the air. Matt stood with Carlin’s open wallet in his hand, staring down at something. When Carlin realised what it was, he sat up on his heels and called Matt over to the bed.
“That’s my father,” Carlin explained as he pointed at the expressionless man standing beside him in the photograph. “He was diagnosed with late-onset schizophrenia not long after I turned eighteen. My mother had passed away from ovarian cancer when I was ten, so there’s no one else…”
Matt stared at the picture for several seconds before looking at Carlin. “He’s why you didn’t come visit, isn’t he?”
“Yeah,” Carlin admitted. “He…I kept him with me as long as I could, but none of the medications the psych’s gave him helped at all, and Dad kept getting worse. Leaving him…I just couldn’t do it. Aunt Mary knew. She wasn’t close to my Dad, I don’t know why, maybe that’s the way of some in-laws. Maybe she didn’t think he was good enough for her little sister, but she understood a son’s love for his father.”
He took the wallet from Matt and looked at the photo. His father’s once-lively eyes were so lifeless, his entire expression flat. Carlin swiped at a tear that slipped from his eye and wondered how pathetic he appeared to Matt.
The bed dipped and Carlin glanced up as Matt sat beside him. Matt put an arm around his shoulders and twisted his torso around until Carlin found himself enveloped in a tender hug. Matt’s ability to shift from horny and demanding to comforting and sweet threatened to make Carlin bawl like a baby.
Definitely not attractive
, he thought.
“Where’s your dad now?”
Carlin tipped his head up to look at Matt, soaking in the concern in those blue eyes.
Guilt ate at Carlin and he feared Matt’s judgement, but he wouldn’t lie to this man.
“He was endangering himself, slipping out of the house despite the nurse I hired to watch over him while I was at work. The first time it happened, he was gone for three days before the police found him, scared and filthy, curled up asleep under a bridge where a lot of homeless people sleep. He was screaming at the voices in his head, and someone called the cops.” Carlin looked away as he forced himself to continue. ”After the third time, when it took over a week to find him, I had to face the fact that keeping him with me was selfish. I ALL OF THE VOICES
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didn’t want the guilt that would come with putting him in a private facility, and I didn’t want to lose my dad. I put him on the waiting list for the best psychiatric facility in the city.
He was moved there a little over three weeks ago.”
Carlin’s chin was clasped in a firm grip. Matt tugged and Carlin gave in, turning back to face him. Matt rained soft kisses on his lips, his eyes, the top of his head. Each kiss opened something up in Carlin, tiny embers of warmth that bloomed and spread to chase away the desolation he felt when he thought of what he’d done to his dad.
“You didn’t have any choice, sweetheart,” Matt said with an assurance that blotted out a chunk of Carlin’s guilt. “You did what was best for him despite how it hurt you. Then your aunt died…and I’m so sorry. You’ve lost so much in such a short period of time.”
Maybe he had, or maybe he’d lost his father and Aunt Mary a long time ago. One to an insidious illness, the other to distance and responsibility.
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Matt couldn’t stand to see Carlin hurting. He almost wished he hadn’t seen the picture of Carlin, smiling although his eyes were tinged with sadness, and his father, a tall, burly man who looked as if his personality had vanished and left behind an empty shell. But Carlin had needed to hear that he wasn’t at fault, needed someone to help assuage the guilt he obviously felt, so for that reason Matt
was
glad he’d discovered the photo.
Now, however, Matt wasn’t sure what he should do with the man in his arms. Would he be taking advantage of Carlin if he suggested they pick back up where they’d left off before Matt had opened the wallet? What kind of pervert did it make him to even be having thoughts of fucking a man so clearly grieving?
But he could almost hear the clock ticking down the hours left for them to spend together, and while Matt might not be in love with the man, he liked what he’d seen of him, physically and personality wise. Once Carlin went back to New York, all Matt would have would be whatever memories they made, and he knew already they’d be precious and few.