Authors: Annette Archer,Steam Books
“Do you think that this will cut it?” Jack asked, smiling, holding the bra up.
Alexis rolled her eyes and snatched the bra away from him. “You can be so childish sometimes,” she said.
Jack liked how she would pretend to be annoyed with him. She would huff and puff and act exasperated when he would do something silly. But she also always had a tiny smile in the corner of her mouth that let Jack know she found his joke funny, too.
“Alright you two, better not keep the old prude waiting too long,” she said. “And Alexis, for God's sake, put on a bra and something to cover yourself up. And try to keep your mouth shut.”
“Yeah, I'll try, but if she calls me ‘that pretty little Negress’ again, I'm gonna slap her silly,” Alexis said, turning serious. “Just cause she's got all that money doesn't mean she can treat me like a slave.”
Jack smiled. If he had his way, Mrs. Van Demema would be relieved of some of her money and it would be donated to a charity that Alexis ran for inner city kids.
“I'm warning you, Jack,” Alexis said as they got a box specifically labeled for Mrs. Van Dedema out of the back. “This old woman is a racist, prejudiced piece of crap. She doesn't deserve a thing she's got. Guy before the last one quit when went to see her. Called him a fag repeatedly. Then went on about...well, it was just inappropriate.”
Alexis was a true lady. In every aspect. She didn't engage in dirty jokes, watch dirty TV, use cuss words, dress immodestly, or even use the Lord's name in vain. She was perfectly polite to everyone. Jack was surprised that she spoke so strongly against Mrs. Van Dedema. But then again, if that wealthy old hag had called Alexis a ‘pretty little Negress’, she deserved everything that was coming to her.
Or everything that I'm going to take from her,
Jack thought, a devilish grin developing on his lips.
Jack tried to be a gentleman by helping Alexis with the box, but she insisted that she was probably stronger than Jack.
“You look a little scrawny,” she said as they stopped at a busy crosswalk.
“Scrawny?” Jack protested.
He was thin, but he had developed quite a few fine-tuned muscles because of his career. Thieves were really anything but lazy. You got lazy, you got caught. Jack got caught because he opened up to the wrong woman. Pretty women weren't supposed to be detectives.
“You seen my brother lately?” Alexis asked, changing the subject.
“No,” Jack said, and it was true, he hadn't seen him.
“Too hard finding out you weren’t the only one?” she continued to ask.
Jack knew she was just trying to be concerned. “Well, actually, I was never with David.” He didn't want to outright lie to her. She would eventually find out from David that they were never together and that would bring up a lot of other questions. “He just wasn't my type, you know?”
“Oh, so you're not into blacks?” she asked.
They started across the street. Jack thought for a moment. He didn't want her to think that he didn't like black women; he just didn't like black men...or white men, or Asian. Of course he couldn't tell her that.
“No, no, I like the dark skin,” Jack said. “A lot actually. I like the contrast against my skin.”
“Yeah, cause there is quite the contrast...you the whitest, pastiest boy I've ever known. I had you pegged for liking the strong manly type.”
Jack tried to not laugh, but he did anyway. “No, that's not it either. It's just his personality. Nice guy and all, but...
“Aw, so you aren't
that
shallow,” Alexis said and nudged him in the shoulder.
“Nah, I am shallow, just...”
“Oh, I get it! It's all about the money with you,” Alexis said with a straight face.
Jack looked hard and eventually saw her lips curl up on the side.
“Come on Jack, lighten up. You are so tense today.”
“Well...I do like nice things,” Jack said. He brushed some lint off the shoulder of his Armani suit.
“Pretty boy,” she said and giggled.
The duo made it in and out of Mrs. Van Dedema's home without an incident. Jack was sure to be extra kind and attentive to the woman and found several great cracks in her security system. He realized that while the security system was pretty much foolproof, Mrs. Van Dedema didn't know how it worked. When she was with them she got frustrated with the security system several times and just rebooted it. Jack figured that at one of these points he could slip off to the bathroom.
“My husband said I had been rude to you in the past,” Mrs. Van Dedema said as Jack and Alexis were leaving. “He said I needed to behave this time.”
Alexis turned her head out of view of Mrs. Van Dedema before she rolled her eyes. “You were, and always have been, very kind to us,” Alexis said, lying through her teeth.
Jack smiled politely.
“Nonetheless, as I have suspected, but my husband still insisted,” she said. “And I have an extra tip for you today as well...darlings. Money is always a good way to be nice.”
“Oh no, Mrs. Va...”
Alexis started to protest, but the old hag placed a wad of cash on her hands. Jack noticed that most of them were hundreds. Alexis smiled and walked out the door. Jack could feel the steam of anger rising off her back.
“What a selfish, horrible, crazy...” Alexis said when she was out of ear shot.
“She's a bitch,” Jack said.
“Well, it's a strong word, but it probably works the best,” Alexis said, closing the gate to the small city garden. “What does she think she can do? Buy me off? I don't want to accept this money.”
“Take her money and do something good with it,” Jack said. “How much is it, anyway?”
Alexis sat down on a bench and counted through the numerous bills. “Two thousand dollars,” she said in a squeaky little voice. “And she just threw it at me like it was pocket change.” Jack could hear the anger rising in her voice as the tone lowered. “Why do people like her get all the money?”
Jack smiled. Mrs. Van Dedema wouldn't have nearly as much as soon as he got a hold of her.
“Let's take it and really blow it,” Jack said, grabbing the stack of bills out of her hands. “When was the last time anyone did something really nice for those kids down at that shelter you are always going on about?”
Jack knew the shelter well. He and his sister had spent lots of their childhood there.
“What are you talking about, pasty boy?” Alexis said looking up at him.
“I bet that nobody had just walked in there and given them something nice,” Jack said.
He remembered getting fed and getting crappy hand me downs, but what he really wanted was one of those fancy Lunchables that the rich kids ate on the playgrounds and a can of real Coca-Cola.
“You know, something beyond a basic necessity. Something that's good for the soul.”
“Like what?” Alexis said, getting some of Jack's excitement.
“A movie,” Jack blurted out. “Let's take them to the movies! Let them get popcorn and coke and candy...”
“Jack, you are nuts,” Alexis said. “What about all the stuff that they need?”
“Forget that,” Jack said. “What those kids need is a few good memories. A missed meal and some nights at a shelter can be forgotten in the long run with a few good memories. Everyone wants to give the poor orphans they're crappy food and hand me downs, but no one ever wants to do something with them!”
“Jack,” Alexis said, taking his hands into hers. “I think that you are probably the most incredible man that I have ever met.”
Jack's heart hammered inside his chest. He hadn't said those things in order for Alexis to like them, but it was certainly nice that she had noticed. Jack leaned in slowly, imagining kissing her lips slowly.
“David doesn't know what he's missing,” Alexis sighed.
And then Jack remembered that he was supposed to be gay. He cringed and backed up. He awkwardly ran his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, well, I’m not interested in dating now.”
Jack and Alexis planned to take all of the resident children at the family shelter to see the latest summer blockbuster movie for kids. The movie, which was a thrilling story about talking animals of some sort, came out in three weeks, but all the kids were excited to see it.
“Everyone set?” Jack asked, handing out the last bag of popcorn to a redheaded little boy with his front teeth missing. The boy also had his own cup of soda and box of Sour Patch Kids and another box of M&M's. Each of the children was allowed to pick out anything that they wanted. In the end, Jack and Alexis had taken 22 kids to the movies. Lola had decided to come along, too, and was still busy leaving lipstick stains on all of the kids’ cheeks.
“She's acting just like a grandma,” Alexis whispered into Jack's ear. “But don't tell her I said that.”
“She's a mighty strange looking grandmother,” Jack said. “I sure am glad that mine never wore an electric green miniskirt.”
“Yeah, we are kind of a strange looking family all the way around,” Alexis laughed and put her arm around Jack's waist. “Large ebony, Amazon mother; cute, petite gay father; and electric green and blonde Lebanese grandmother.”
“Hey, I'm not petite,” Jack said, protesting. “And you make it sound bad that you're so tall.”
“Well, it is bad. Men don't seem to like it,” Alexis said. She moved her arm from around his waist. “I know you're not really petite, but unless the man is really tall, he looks like a gnat next to me. I'm not just tall either, Jack, I'm thick and muscular.”
“I think you are probably the most beautiful woman I have ever known,” Jack said, trying to help a little girl get into her seat.
Alexis sat down next to the little girl. “Thanks Jack, but you find men attractive, so the fact that you think I am beautiful, is not exactly a good thing.”
Jack wanted to bang his head on the chair in front of him. Pretending to be gay was getting very frustrating. “Well, then straight men are stupid,” he said. “You are beautiful and you don't even have to try. It's just natural.”
“Thanks, Jack,” Alexis whispered back to him as the previews started to play.
Jack sighed and reached for some popcorn and brushed up against Alexis's hand. It was almost like they were on a real date.
“Mr. Jack?” a young Hispanic boy said, tugging on Jack's shoulder and making him return back to reality. The reality where he was a thief pretending to be gay pretending to be on a date with a beautiful woman while 22 homeless children tagged along.
“Yes?” Jack said, looking down at the boy.
Jack couldn't help but pick this little boy as his favorite. Gerry, as everyone called him, was about four years old and had dimples the size of craters on his cheeks. He wore old, broken Chucks and an old Star Wars shirt featuring Darth Vader saying, “Who's your daddy.” Gerry had forgone popcorn in favor of nachos, which he now had smothered across his face and shirt.
“Can I sit in your lap? I'm scared of the dinosaurs,” he said with a slight childhood lisp.
“Sure man, hop on up,” Jack said, helping the little boy and his accoutrements onto his lap.
Alexis looked over and smiled.
I hate being gay,
Jack thought as he smiled back at her.
I'd prefer to marry the girl and adopt half of these kids.
Jack startled himself when he thought about marriage. He had always said he would never do it. The idea had never even popped into his before with other women.
~
Alexis and Jack continued to work together at the shop. The former sometimes-thief was starting to enjoy his life on the mostly straight and narrow path. Lola was a good boss and paid her employees well. Jack lived almost at the same level he did as a thief. He just didn't have as much to give away as he did before. And the nice splurges and occasional out-of-country trips were out of the question.
The only part he didn't like was being with Alexis without being able to be with her. And sometimes, Lola made it harder on him than others.
“Jack, I need you to do me a favor,” Lola asked with her usual flamboyance. “I am terribly swamped. Just out of control here.”
“Whatever you need, I am your man,” Jack said.
“I need you to fit Alexis for a new bra,” she said.
“But she doesn't wear them and if she did, I am sure that a standard one would work just fine,” Jack said. He did not want to have the torture of being so close to her breasts without being able to touch them.
“Yes, I realize this and so does that old hag, Mrs. Van Dedema,” Lola said with a roll of hers. “She called me a huff last time about Alexis being improperly dressed for her presence.”
“As if she's the queen of England,” Jack said and sighed.
“I'd do it myself, but I have an important meeting that will be taking up the rest of the afternoon.”
“What would you do yourself?” Alexis asked, walking in with the latest shipment of French panties.
“Sorry, Darling, I’m in such a hurry,” Lola said while heading for the door. “I don't want to be late. Jack will have to explain it to you.”
Alexis started to put the newest arrivals on display and looked over at Jack. “What does she want us to do this time?” she asked.
“Actually, it's Mrs. Van Dedema,” Jack said.
“What does the old hag want now?” Alexis said, throwing a pair of panties at the display.
“She thought you were not modestly dressed last time and is insisting on a better fitting bra,” Jack said.
“Fine, but let me say for the record, that I hate bras! And the irony of me working in a shop that sells them is not lost on me,” Alexis said, starting up on her soap box. “Bras are just cages. They keep women to a certain style of beauty that society says is good, but is totally unnatural and unachievable...” Alexis continued her rant.
Jack had heard her about a million times talk about this before, and while he wholeheartedly agreed with her, he knew that if they were going to see Mrs. Van Dedema again, Alexis was going to have to get a better bra.
“Let's get those puppies into something a little more restricting then, shall we?” Jack asked, poking Alexis in the ribs,
“Jack, don't make me slap you,” Alexis said. Jack could see the corners of her mouth turning up into his favorite smile.