“It probably would be,” he admitted. “Except for one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“I want you here. These past few weeks of living with you…they’ve been awesome. Do I wish we were having sex? I won’t lie—yeah, I do. But not until you’re ready. You need to want it bad.”
When he said it like that, she thought she might want it bad. She opened her mouth to tell him, but he kept talking.
“Nothing fun about an unwilling bed partner.”
I wouldn’t be unwilling, she thought. Just scared. Actually, more like terrified. Terrified, but intrigued. She’d only had sex with one man in her life, and he was abusive and selfish. What would it be like to sleep with a handsome soldier who always went out of his way to show his concern for her? Probably amazing.
“I think,” she said quietly... Rowan stopped talking. “I think,” she repeated, louder this time, “that I’d like to stay. Here. With you. But I still want to work. I need to earn money. Do you understand why?”
She met his gaze and he smiled at her. “Yeah. I don’t like it, but I get it.”
“And,” she continued, “I’d like to try to do stuff. Sexually.” She had his full attention now. “I don’t think I’m ready to be touched, but I’d like to touch you the way I did in the bathroom before Adam’s wedding. Give you pleasure, if that’s okay.” She looked at her feet, knowing her cheeks were pink as the nail polish Emma liked to wear.
“That’d be cool. I’d like that,” Rowan said. His fingers lifted her chin so they could lock gazes. “If you really want to?”
Her chin banged against his hand as she nodded. “I do. I think about me getting naked and touched, and I get nervous, but then I imagine you naked and rubbing my hands on your skin, and I get all shivery, and my vision gets blurry…”
“Jill.” Rowan’s voice was a harsh rasp. “You’re killing me.”
“Oh. Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I’m not upset. I meant I’m so aroused I’m in pain.”
Oh. She chanced a glance at his waistline, and started getting those shivery feelings. “Can I touch you? Now?”
He nodded. “Please.”
They both sat frozen on the bed for a long moment and then Rowan released a bark of laughter. “Should I get naked? Would that help?”
She nodded. “Please.” After a flurry of flying cotton and denim, Rowan soon lay back totally naked against his pillows. She kneeled next to him, eyeing him, ‘cause
whoa momma,
he was smoking hot. Long legs dotted with black hair, led to narrow hips. Even his erect penis was gorgeous. Not that she had a lot to compare it to, but it pleased her eye. And his torso was pure delicious yumminess, with tight abdominal muscles and inches of taut golden skin that she wanted to rub her palms over.
She started there, placing a fingertip on his collarbone, tracing it across and running a hand down his arm.
“Jill?”
“Hmm?” Couldn’t he see she was busy?
“Need a kiss here.”
She looked at his face. A kiss? Yeah, she could do that. Carefully straddling him, she leaned in to press her lips to his. His kisses were starting to feel familiar in the best possible way. Familiar, yet wildly arousing.
They kissed for long, heated minutes, and then she pulled back remembering she had permission to touch him. She hadn’t mentioned it to him yet, but she wasn’t going for a simple exploratory touch. She wanted it all—to make him come. Rowan always seemed to have his passion controlled around her, and though she knew why and appreciated it beyond reason, she wanted him to know she trusted him now. She wanted to see him let go and get pleasure from her touch.
She released his mouth and moved to plant more kisses on his neck, his chin, and then down to his pectoral. Her tongue found his hardened nipples and she toyed with them, eliciting a gasp. She noticed one nipple had a little scarring.
“Had a nipple ring,” Rowan explained. “Up until a few months back. Piercings and training do not go together.”
“I can imagine,” she said, but what she was imagining was a sexy silver hoop going through his nipple, complementing the scattered tattoos on his biceps and torso. She’d already examined his tattoos and received explanations behind them a few nights ago. Now she kissed, then licked each spot of ink on his skin.
“Might have to get another tattoo one of these days,” he said, observing the pattern of her kisses.
She kneeled up to look at him. “Of what?”
“You,” he said simply.
That worried her. “Don’t get my name permanently on your body. It’s so romantic, but I’m superstitious. A tattoo of your girlfriend’s name is the fastest way to jinx a relationship.”
He chuckled. “Don’t want your name. I want a butterfly.”
“A butterfly?” He thought of her as a butterfly. “Why?”
“Because when we met you were…”
“Don’t say a worm,” she interrupted.
He laughed. “Butterflies come from caterpillars, not worms, but not that either. You were in a cocoon, all protective, not letting anyone in. Now you’re a butterfly, all gorgeous colorful wings, flying free.”
That was the single nicest thing anyone had ever said to her. Tears lodged in her throat and she struggled to keep this sexy. Nothing sexy about a woman blubbering all over you. She refocused her efforts, trailing kisses all over, but mostly above his waist. He said nothing about the speed and tempo by which she was leading this dance, but she knew he had to be getting antsy. His patience with her was the greatest gift he could’ve given her. As a reward, she moved her mouth lower and lower again until his erection bobbed under her heated breath.
A surge of power and desire raced through her as he bit back an untranslatable word the second her tongue dared to dart out and taste him for the first time. He was delicious, and she wanted more of him in her mouth.
“Jill,” he said on a groan.
She didn’t respond. Couldn’t. Her mouth was busy. She’d never wanted to give this to a man the way she wanted to give it to Rowan. The last time she’d
wanted
to had been in high school, and she’d been too awkward and uninformed to enjoy the experience. More recently, blow jobs had either been forced on her or given as a precautionary barrier to prevent anything from penetrating her body. No, don’t go there. Jack didn’t get to join them in this bed. Here, there was only room for her and Rowan.
She let her hands explore his body as her mouth worked him. One palm swept up his thigh, loving the crisp hairs that tickled her skin. Her other hand held his shaft in place as her tongue and lips teased him. And then she got serious.
Using the lubrication his body made, she spread the wetness down his cock, and wrapped a tight fist around the base. Moving in unison, her mouth and hand wrung gasps and begging from him.
“I’m close,” he said. “Can’t hold back.”
“Don’t.” She wanted him mindless with pleasure, and she hoped he was nearing that tipping point. When his hips started rolling, and his hand cupped the back of her head, holding her in place, she knew she’d succeeded.
A man who was worried about her sensibilities wouldn’t lock her in place to fuck her mouth. She kept up with his thrusts, maintaining her grip on his wet, hot penis, and sucked harder.
Her body responded urgently to his need, and she knew she was wet enough to switch positions and slide down on Rowan, letting him fill her. But she held back. She still wasn’t sure she was ready and she wanted this to be all about giving to Rowan. He’d been so generous to her, she wanted to show him her appreciation. It was more than that, also. He was hands–down, the sexiest man she’d ever met, and the opportunity to touch him as he lay naked at her mercy, was too great.
She imagined a steady stream of women had vied for the chance to get Rowan naked, but he’d chosen her. He was
her
match, and she wasn’t sharing.
“Jill?” Rowan’s hand had frozen on her scalp, and she heard the question in her name. “I’m close.”
She understood he was asking if she was cool with him coming in her mouth. She was more than cool with it. She wanted it more than she’d wanted anything in recent memory. Instead of answering him verbally, she demonstrated by speeding the pumping motion with her hand and the suction of her mouth. He didn’t last long after that.
Thick, hot wet liquid filled her mouth, and she swallowed it with her mouth still on his pulsing penis. She chanced a glance at her lover, but his eyes were closed and his chest rippled with exertion. Her mouth remained on him until he softened; then she slowly released him and crawled back up his body to lie across him.
His muscular arm pulled her in tight. With his eyes still shut, he kissed her cheek. “Amazing, baby. Been a long time since I’ve been with a woman, but I can safely say that was the best it’s ever been.”
She frowned, not loving his reference to ever having another woman. “How long are we talking about?”
“Months. Since before I moved onto campus.”
Since she knew he’d been on campus nearly eight months, she was appeased but couldn’t help teasing him. “I was better than your last girlfriend? The one whose shampoo I’m using?”
His eyelids fluttered open. “Huh?”
She giggled. “I’m teasing you. The first day I was here, you told me all the toiletries in your bathroom were from your ex–girlfriend.”
“Oh, right.” He shifted to sit up a little. “Actually…”
“I know.” She laughed. “You never had a girlfriend on campus. I know the rules here now. You bought that stuff for me.”
“Yeah,” he admitted, and a faint wash of pink colored his cheeks.
“You’re the sweetest man I know.”
“You should know,” he said. “Given that you had your mouth all over me.”
She laughed and tried to tickle him, but he held her in place, rolled them over and pinned her to the mattress with a shoulder and his legs. He propped up on his good arm to look her in the eye. Instinctively she shifted to not be trapped, but then she saw the tenderness in his eyes and relaxed. This was Rowan. He didn’t hurt her. He protected her.
“You like it?” He asked. “You liked having my dick in your mouth?”
She blushed at his frank question, but found the bravery to lick her lips and nod. “Yes. I loved it.”
“Good. I fucking loved it. I want you in my mouth soon. When you’re ready,” he amended. “Can’t wait to taste you. I bet it’s the sweetest juice in the world.”
She tried to speak but couldn’t. She’d never imagined Rowan like this. His body, his words were darkly sexual, testing her limits in ways that aroused her unbearably even as she flushed with embarrassment.
“Are you wet now, Jill?” His question was like velvet rolled across her naked skin.
She closed her eyes and nodded.
“Can I feel?” His voice was quiet and gentle now. “Just one touch, I promise, and then I’ll back off. I swear.”
Her answer was to lower her hands to her jeans and unfasten them. The satisfaction on Rowan’s face was worth every tiny nibble of anxiety. Slowly and so gently, it felt like butterfly wings on her abdomen, he lowered his hand between her legs and ghosted a finger under the elastic band of her panties. She knew what he’d find there.
“Wet,” he whispered, sounding awed and excited at the same time. Before she had time to react, he removed his finger from between her legs and touched it to his tongue. “Delicious.”
She stared at him, frozen on the bed, legs splayed apart. His touch had felt too glorious. She nearly begged for more, but something kept her mouth closed. Instinct? Self–preservation? Her body was screaming yes, and a good chunk of her brain was also.
“You’re not ready yet,” Rowan decided. “Someday soon, your pants will come off, your legs will spread, and my mouth will be there, licking up all your honey.”
She released a noise that was almost a squeak at Rowan’s dirty mouth that had her arousal building to a fever pitch. His smile warmed her further.
“You like that,” he said, looking down at her. “You like when I tell you all the dirty bad things I want to do to your body?”
She managed a nod.
“Good. I’m going to erase every bad memory you have of your marriage and replace it with the best sex you’ve ever imagined.”
She couldn’t imagine it, but she believed him. She believed him, and she couldn’t wait for the promised great sex.
Chapter Nine
C
ome on. Hit me like you mean it.”
Jill circled Xander, terrified she’d miss him if she tried, but more terrified she’d actually make contact with the large soldier taunting her.
“You can do it, Jill,” Emma called from the sidelines. “Hit him.”
Xander took his eyes off her for a second to make a face at Emma who grinned unrepentantly back.
“Love you, baby,” she called.
His lips formed a ghost of a grin only for a second, but long enough that Jill caught it and felt better that the man in front of her was doing this for her benefit. Yesterday Emma had invited her to a weekly self–defense class Xander taught to the women on campus. Today he’d offered to give her a private session to catch her up to the other women.
At first she’d resisted. She wasn’t a fighter and not much of an athlete, but Emma had easily persuaded her by reminding her that no man could hurt her if she had training to stop it. After seeing Emma demonstrate how she could take down Xander long enough to run away, Jill was in. If only she’d known some of these moves to use on Jack.
Emma had also pointed out that if she took the job with Ikea there’d be some nights she’d be there late closing down. Wouldn’t she feel safer walking through the parking lot at night with some defensive training under her belt? Yes. Absolutely.
She took a swipe at Xander, who dodged it easily, but she’d been expecting his maneuver and was already ducking under his arm to bring her heel down hard on his instep.
“Ow.” Xander hopped back scowling, and she babbled a flood of apologies.
“Don’t apologize,” he said. “You were supposed to run. Once I’m incapacitated, you get the hell out.”
“Oh, right.” She turned and jogged a half–hearted yard away, then turned back to see Emma holding Xander and soothing his physical hurt with verbal words.
“I think you’re ready to join us tomorrow,” Xander said.